I Have A Troubled Son. What should I do?

[Deborah]

This ain't the 70s Deborah, when getting busted was no big deal. In these days of Zero Tolerance, the justice system should be avoided like the plague. Anyone who says a parent should call the cops for anything less than a life-or-death emergency should have their head examined.

I agree, and didn't suggest that, in case there's a misunderstanding.
The laws in Tx are:
Possession of Marijuana - Texas Health and Safety Code
§ 481.121. OFFENSE: POSSESSION OF MARIHUANA. (MARIJUANA)

(a) Except as authorized by this chapter, a person commits an offense if the person knowingly or intentionally possesses a usable quantity of marihuana.

(b) An offense under Subsection (a) is:                                      

(1) a Class B misdemeanor if the amount of marihuana possessed is two ounces or less;

(2) a Class A misdemeanor if the amount of marihuana possessed is four ounces or less but more than two ounces;

(3) a state jail felony if the amount of marihuana possessed is five pounds or less but more than four ounces;

(4) a felony of the third degree if the amount of marihuana possessed is 50 pounds or less but more than 5 pounds;

(5) a felony of the second degree if the amount of marihuana possessed is 2,000 pounds or less but more than 50 pounds; and

(6) punishable by imprisonment in the institutional division of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice for life or for a term of not more than 99 years or less than 5 years, and a fine not to exceed $50,000, if the amount of marihuana possessed is more than 2,000 pounds.  
~~

I might get some flack for this comment from the Scared Straight folks, but it might be useful to sit in on juvenile court for a week or two and educate him on the realities of the system. And take a few visits to juvie. It could be very useful if done with the right attitude, and not with the intention of scaring him, but educating. If your kid is prone to breaking the law, seems the responsible thing to do. I mean, how many kids actually understand what a felony is, or what probation entails? Not much of a deterent unless those things are understood.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of how they take the local high school kids through a tour of the medical examiner office to try and prevent drunk driving accidents by showing them dead bodies of car accident victims. Something parents don't realize is that yes kids realize the consequences just like adults, they just don't care. You can't "reducated" that out of a kid, that's just the way we are biologically at that age. Some kids will see that juvie isn't nearly as bad as the movies/rumors would have suggested and care even less about getting caught. They know they will be in and out (after seeing kids get probation for serious crimes and released to parents in juvie court) for major offences and then their friends will think they are the big tough guy who's been inside. Im just saying from a kids perpsective its pretty laughable. Theyll try not to smirk sure, but they are laughing inside.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should sue your son. There are plenty of lawyers on this forum that could help you.

 :rofl:  :nworthy:  ::bwahaha::  ::bigsmilebounce::

[Anonymous]

"Dad Trying", if you're real (and you're a very good troll if you're not), get your son on this forum where he can learn that sadistic fuckheads would jump at the chance to abuse him.

But for fuck's sake don't be dumb enough to send him away.

You want answers? There are no answers. You can go around to the various assholes on this board and they'll all give you their opinion, but you won't find it so long as you buy into the fantasy that you can somehow control him if you only try hard enough.

That's the fantasy that TheWho and other programmies have bought into, and it always falls apart in the end.

In the end, it's his life. Tell him that and say that if he wants to go kill himself, that's up to him, but you're not going to help him do it.

[TheWho]

In the end, it's his life. Tell him that and say that if he wants to go kill himself, that's up to him, but you're not going to help him do it.

Come on Lactose,  That?s no advice for someone that could possibly be suffering from any number of Depression related conditions.....the child should not be given up on and discarded like that.

[Programmie-Trans 9000]

Come on Lactose, stop trying to cut into my business! You know very well that I won't get paid for a referral if he lets the kid figure things out on his own, instead of sending him to some shitpit like ASR where any number of Depression related conditions can be exacerbated. The child should be given up on and discarded into the hands of sadists like myself, not encouraged to find real answers for himself.

Code: [Select]

if (real_parent_presence_probability > .09)
{deliver_standard_warning($parent = "Dad Trying", $programmie = "TheWho")};

"Dad Trying": PLEASE OBSERVE THE POSTINGS OF THE PROGRAMMIE KNOWN AS "TheWho" BY CLICKING HERE.
ALSO OBSERVE MY CORRECT TRANSLATIONS BY CLICKING HERE.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

[hanzomon4]

I haven't read through everything(I will though) but I noticed OCD. I have OCD and I'm telling you it's incompatible with being sent "away".

I'll have more to say when I get the time to read through all of this....

[Ganja]

Code: [Select]

if (real_parent_presence_probability > .09)
{deliver_standard_warning($parent = "Dad Trying", $programmie = "TheWho")};

Makes sense..

[TheWho]

Trying,

There are other options then just behavior modification. Tell him he is going to see a psychologist, do not offer a choice in the matter, but allow him to help pick one out, one he can trust. It sounds like youre dealing with more than just your average teenage rebellion. Deborah is right, you cannot try and bribe him, all this will do is teach him that he can barter his way out of or into anything with you. Eventually you will reach a point where it will be, "Give me what I want or Im going to smoke pot/skip school/whatever". If after trying to reach your son and talking to him, allowing him to get the help he needs he still wants to act like its his world and he's going to do whatever he wants ship him off. Don't go anywhere near the private theraputic sector, odds are he'll just end up dead there. Instead I would recommend a military school, make sure you throughly check it out first and look into their track record, many allow abuse to go on but others are truly safe enviroments. There your son will find out he cant always get his way. Hope this helps.

Please in the future try to refrain from suggesting coercion in the aquisition of therapy in any form.


Have you ever been to a military school?

Military -- trained exclusively for the purpose of warfare.

[Dad Trying]

Robert, thanks, but he dislikes the military (not the troops, just the military life) and says he will run away if sent there. They won't take cadets unless the cadet wants to go anyway. We were going to send him to a military school at the start of the 9th grade for verbally fighting with his mother and he started having serious OCD symptoms. I guess he did have some problems before meeting the bad friends, but his 9th grade year went smoothly overall.

I think the thing youre forgetting is that you are the parent here, he is the child. So what if he doesnt want to go. Make him. If he threatens to run away wish him the best of luck. Hes threatening you with these things because youve shown youre willing to do anything to give him anything as a means of getting him to behave. The moment you finally stand up to your kid he'll back down.

Actually, the military school we were going to send him to, Camden Military Academy, requires the new cadet to sign the application with the parent. And his OCD symptoms were very real, and I doubt he could function there. Also, they require a year's tuition up front and it's nonrefundable.

I have stood up to him every time. Several times it resulted in fist fights. I always win, with him having an aching face or bloody nose. That worked for awhile, but now he wants his way more than he fears losing a fight.

[psy]

Robert, thanks, but he dislikes the military (not the troops, just the military life) and says he will run away if sent there. They won't take cadets unless the cadet wants to go anyway. We were going to send him to a military school at the start of the 9th grade for verbally fighting with his mother and he started having serious OCD symptoms. I guess he did have some problems before meeting the bad friends, but his 9th grade year went smoothly overall.

I think the thing youre forgetting is that you are the parent here, he is the child. So what if he doesnt want to go. Make him. If he threatens to run away wish him the best of luck. Hes threatening you with these things because youve shown youre willing to do anything to give him anything as a means of getting him to behave. The moment you finally stand up to your kid he'll back down.

Actually, the military school we were going to send him to, Camden Military Academy, requires the new cadet to sign the application with the parent. And his OCD symptoms were very real, and I doubt he could function there. Also, they require a year's tuition up front and it's nonrefundable.

I have stood up to him every time. Several times it resulted in fist fights. I always win, with him having an aching face or bloody nose. That worked for awhile, but now he wants his way more than he fears losing a fight.

Well what does he want?
What do you want?

find the incompatability, and reach a compromise.  create an agreement on paper, sign it, and stick to it.

Worked with me and my parents...

[CCM girl 1989]

Sometimes removing your child from the enviroment they are currently in, can be a good thing. You just have to make sure that where you are sending them isn't worse then the situation that they are currently in.

I was sent away at the age of 12. A little young, but there wasn't many options. My Dad was older, married to my step-mom who hated me. My mother was a full blown alcoholic, not a great role model!

I felt totally abandoned at first, and was very upset, and angry. But, I was headed in the wrong direction at the age of 12. Going away with other kids who shared my pain was somewhat comforting. But, the rules and levels were overwhelming. I got a lot of therapy. I don't feel like I had a normal teenage life though since I was in programs for 4 1/2 years straight.

If you found the right program, which takes a heck of a lot of research, don't be so quick to make the decision to send him there. Really weigh everything out. Parents sometimes are too quick to make a decision.

Whatever you do, don't be one of those parents that sends their kids away, and decides that life is pretty easy and peaceful without them! Really think long and hard about what you decide to do with your son. Don't let some people on here tell you that there are no good programs. That is not true. They hate when I say this!!! I always say 2 outta the 4 programs that I went to were good, and it's true. But, the majority of the posters here are 100% anti-program.

I'm not sipping the kool-aid, I am not programmed, I am just being flat out honest. I in my heart of hearts feel that any school that is affiliated with WWASPS could potentially be a disaster. It's hard to figure out if they are, or aren't a lot of the schools are in the process of distancing themselves from the name. I'm sure you're no dummy but, a lot of schools out there change there names numerous times to get away from the bad press. Just figure out the structure of the schools you're thinking about sending him to. Call up a WWASPS school, and ask a bunch of questions about therapy, structure, if there are seminars..who runs them, what kind of edjucation do you provide, what is a classroom setting like, how soon can they talk to their parents, can they talk to friends. How often do they leave campus?

Ask as many questions as you can think of.

[Dad Trying]

Actually, the military school we were going to send him to, Camden Military Academy, requires the new cadet to sign the application with the parent. And his OCD symptoms were very real, and I doubt he could function there. Also, they require a year's tuition up front and it's nonrefundable.

I have stood up to him every time. Several times it resulted in fist fights. I always win, with him having an aching face or bloody nose. That worked for awhile, but now he wants his way more than he fears losing a fight.

Actually fighting with your child in that way is nothing more than abuse. Do feel free to stop at anytime. You are an adult. You need not have to resort to violence to get your child to respect you. What sort of message are you sending your son when you beat him down?

I'll tell you. After all I sent it a few times myself when working in a program.

Respect me out of fear.

And guess what it is backfiring on you. Why? Because the amounts of fear you are bringing just aren't sufficient to quell his nature. You need not resort to violence to quell violence. It only perpetuates a viscious cycle that will escalate.

I know this personally. It happened to me. I used restraints to quell a rebellion in my group when working at a program. 3 weeks later it had gone from 1 restraint to an average of 17 restraints a day. It took a lot of hard work on my part to turn that situation around. It was after that I started finding other ways to approach the boys. Not the typical jump, scream, leap, and pound into sand technique just because they got pissy and threw a rock at me.

Damn man.. You really have put yourself, and your son in a nasty position, and you want to compound it with a Military school?


YOU NEED MENTAL HELP MORE THAN YOUR SON DOES!

Chill out. He throws the first punches. I defend myself. What should I do, run? Geeze, you need help yourself if you think I enjoy having to fight my own son.

[Ganja]

Sometimes removing your child from the enviroment they are currently in, can be a good thing. You just have to make sure that where you are sending them isn't worse then the situation that they are currently in.

I was sent away at the age of 12. A little young, but there wasn't many options. My Dad was older, married to my step-mom who hated me. My mother was a full blown alcoholic, not a great role model!

I felt totally abandoned at first, and was very upset, and angry. But, I was headed in the wrong direction at the age of 12. Going away with other kids who shared my pain was somewhat comforting. But, the rules and levels were overwhelming. I got a lot of therapy. I don't feel like I had a normal teenage life though since I was in programs for 4 1/2 years straight.

If you found the right program, which takes a heck of a lot of research, don't be so quick to make the decision to send him there. Really weigh everything out. Parents sometimes are too quick to make a decision.

Whatever you do, don't be one of those parents that sends their kids away, and decides that life is pretty easy and peaceful without them! Really think long and hard about what you decide to do with your son. Don't let some people on here tell you that there are no good programs. That is not true. They hate when I say this!!! I always say 2 outta the 4 programs that I went to were good, and it's true. But, the majority of the posters here are 100% anti-program.

I'm not sipping the kool-aid, I am not programmed, I am just being flat out honest. I in my heart of hearts feel that any school that is affiliated with WWASPS could potentially be a disaster. It's hard to figure out if they are, or aren't a lot of the schools are in the process of distancing themselves from the name. I'm sure you're no dummy but, a lot of schools out there change there names numerous times to get away from the bad press. Just figure out the structure of the schools you're thinking about sending him to. Call up a WWASPS school, and ask a bunch of questions about therapy, structure, if there are seminars..who runs them, what kind of edjucation do you provide, what is a classroom setting like, how soon can they talk to their parents, can they talk to friends. How often do they leave campus?

Ask as many questions as you can think of.

Whoah... out of the woodwork crawls CCM Girl to throw in her .02.

[psy]

Sometimes removing your child from the enviroment they are currently in, can be a good thing. You just have to make sure that where you are sending them isn't worse then the situation that they are currently in.

I was sent away at the age of 12. A little young, but there wasn't many options. My Dad was older, married to my step-mom who hated me. My mother was a full blown alcoholic, not a great role model!

I felt totally abandoned at first, and was very upset, and angry. But, I was headed in the wrong direction at the age of 12. Going away with other kids who shared my pain was somewhat comforting. But, the rules and levels were overwhelming. I got a lot of therapy. I don't feel like I had a normal teenage life though since I was in programs for 4 1/2 years straight.

If you found the right program, which takes a heck of a lot of research, don't be so quick to make the decision to send him there. Really weigh everything out. Parents sometimes are too quick to make a decision.

Whatever you do, don't be one of those parents that sends their kids away, and decides that life is pretty easy and peaceful without them! Really think long and hard about what you decide to do with your son. Don't let some people on here tell you that there are no good programs. That is not true. They hate when I say this!!! I always say 2 outta the 4 programs that I went to were good, and it's true. But, the majority of the posters here are 100% anti-program.

I'm not sipping the kool-aid, I am not programmed, I am just being flat out honest. I in my heart of hearts feel that any school that is affiliated with WWASPS could potentially be a disaster. It's hard to figure out if they are, or aren't a lot of the schools are in the process of distancing themselves from the name. I'm sure you're no dummy but, a lot of schools out there change there names numerous times to get away from the bad press. Just figure out the structure of the schools you're thinking about sending him to. Call up a WWASPS school, and ask a bunch of questions about therapy, structure, if there are seminars..who runs them, what kind of edjucation do you provide, what is a classroom setting like, how soon can they talk to their parents, can they talk to friends. How often do they leave campus?

Ask as many questions as you can think of.

Note to Dad Trying:

The above poster is in the referral business.  Yes really.