I Have A Troubled Son. What should I do?

[Ganja]

Their methods of "treatment" are grossly over-rated (mostly by their own propaganda).

[Karass]

Stop trying to rescue him from society?s consequences. So what, if he ends up in jail for pot?  Worse things could happen. He won?t be there long, and a fine and probation might be what?s necessary to put things in perspective. Why prolong that life lesson, if he doesn?t have the good sense to be more cautious? If he completes his probation with no problem, his record can be sealed.

Depending on your home state, you might be living in a fantasy world, where kids are treated justly. In some states (mine for example), even a first offense for posession is a felony. And paraphernalia is the same -- a felony. His record can be sealed when he turns 18, but how "sealed" is it really? A citizen with a felony conviction can never legally own a firearm even after he's 18, regardless of the fact that it was a juvenile conviction. So his record is "sealed"? Then how does the government know to deny him his 2nd Amendment rights for the rest of his life?

BTW, in all states, the penalties for dealing are more severe than for mere posession. A 15-yr old with an expensive pot habit and no job is most likely going to take some risks in that regard.

This ain't the 70s Deborah, when getting busted was no big deal. In these days of Zero Tolerance, the justice system should be avoided like the plague. Anyone who says a parent should call the cops for anything less than a life-or-death emergency should have their head examined.

[RobertBruce]

Trying,

There are other options then just behavior modification. Tell him he is going to see a psychologist, do not offer a choice in the matter, but allow him to help pick one out, one he can trust. It sounds like youre dealing with more than just your average teenage rebellion. Deborah is right, you cannot try and bribe him, all this will do is teach him that he can barter his way out of or into anything with you. Eventually you will reach a point where it will be, "Give me what I want or Im going to smoke pot/skip school/whatever". If after trying to reach your son and talking to him, allowing him to get the help he needs he still wants to act like its his world and he's going to do whatever he wants ship him off. Don't go anywhere near the private theraputic sector, odds are he'll just end up dead there. Instead I would recommend a military school, make sure you throughly check it out first and look into their track record, many allow abuse to go on but others are truly safe enviroments. There your son will find out he cant always get his way. Hope this helps.

[TheWho]

Dad Trying:

I did feel like I would be sort of abandoning my son by shipping him off to a TBS, but I was under the impression that he could actually get treatment there while also being separated from the bad element.

That was a huge concern for us also, shipping her off as you say.  As far as treatment we had a therapist that was independent from the TBS see my daughter each week (except when she traveled to Costa Rica) and her Therapist kept in contact with her therapist at home .  So that way if there were any medical concerns, i.e, clinical depression, TBS not being effective for her etc. we could pull her out and seek other options.

[Anonymous]

That was a huge concern for us also, shipping her off as you say.  As far as treatment we had a therapist that was independent from the TBS see my daughter each week (except when she traveled to Costa Rica) and her Therapist kept in contact with her therapist at home .  So that way if there were any medical concerns, i.e, clinical depression, TBS not being effective for her etc. we could pull her out and seek other options.

What therapy did she receive at the TBS she was in?

[Ganja]

I heard they were shittin' in the laundry bag, etc.

[Anonymous]

That was a huge concern for us also, shipping her off as you say.  As far as treatment we had a therapist that was independent from the TBS see my daughter each week (except when she traveled to Costa Rica) and her Therapist kept in contact with her therapist at home .  So that way if there were any medical concerns, i.e, clinical depression, TBS not being effective for her etc. we could pull her out and seek other options.

What therapy did she receive at the TBS she was in?

She got mindfucked.

[Karass]

70'spunk rebel,

Thanks to you also. Some very good suggestions. The MD suggested behavior contracts. We learned to secure the car keys. He lost the cell phone. The money and guitar were from Christmas. He has to go to school somewhere (15 YOA). plus, I want him to go. I'll keep trying to find a private school.

I saw in your second post that he was only gone for 7 days, so if he truly is willing to make some effort at school, the semester isn't necessarily shot. Does your district offer any online courses? When my son got tossed out of his regular HS a month into the semester, the powers that be ordered him to the "alternative" HS where they send all the druggies and kids with behavioral problems. We refused to comply, figuring that he would have no chance of overcoming his drug problems at a place like that. Then we discovered he could take some classes online. They weren't the same classes he had been enrolled in, and it wasn't a full load, but it was better than nothing and at least he didn't lose an entire semester. That eventually became jokingly known as "Xbox school," once he had earned back the privelege of having access to his Xbox, and with the evidence that his school work was actually getting done and his drug use was no longer out of control.

He ultimately transferred to a different HS in our district, once he had decided he wanted 'out' of the lifestyle he had gotten caught up in. The fresh start and being forced to make new friends was, in his own words, just what he needed. The longer he's been away from his old HS, the more he realizes just how much he hated it there. Strange...just a different school on the other side of town. The biggest difference being "no negative history."

[Dad Trying]

Robert, thanks, but he dislikes the military (not the troops, just the military life) and says he will run away if sent there. They won't take cadets unless the cadet wants to go anyway. We were going to send him to a military school at the start of the 9th grade for verbally fighting with his mother and he started having serious OCD symptoms. I guess he did have some problems before meeting the bad friends, but his 9th grade year went smoothly overall.

[Dr Phil]

A lot of kids deal pot and worse in school and get through it without getting caught or any major jail time. A lot of kids get sent to TBS and end up worse off than before they were sent and end up worse than they would have if things played out in their younger years. The chance is pretty much the same in either situation on the end result. So blow on that hand of yours, and hope your next roll of the dice is a lucky one, because you are definitely playing with fire at this point considering sending him away. Ill tell you I was much worse at 15 and grew out of it even though nobody thought I ever would, for what its worth.

[Dad Trying]

Thanks, Rebel.

[Anonymous]

Trying Dad:  Do you have a trusted relative or friend that your son could live with?  A relative/friend who would make sure he went to school and to therapy?  You seem to believe your son would "straighten up" if he was away from this new-found peer group of his.  This might be a solution to help him make a turn-around.

[Anonymous]

I have a 15 year old son, lives with me and his mom. He met bad kid at public school last semester and started with bad crowd. Now he has been suspended four times for smoking, terrible grades last semester, tested positive for THC, bought pot at school, gets cigs at school, took mushrooms and OTC pills to school to sell, physical fights with parents, curses at parents, took parent's car at 2:00 am for joyride, runs away for several hours at a time, pulled knife on parents, doesn't want any rules.

Son has treated with a psychologist and psychiatrist for a year and a half for OCD first and now depression. Is on enough anti-depressant med, but this doesn't stop his actions. I have tried talking to him and have spent time with him. I tried to get him into track and field this semister and even offered to pay him for doing it. He did two days and quit. Also, offered to get him a car if he would make good grades and quit the cigs and pot. It didn't help. He bought pot at school last week. I threatened to cut off his guitar lessons if he got suspended again for smoking cigs. But, he got suspended again last week for that.

I checked him into a medical treatment facility for emotional and drug problems last week. It's short-term. He gets out in a couple of days. I started researching some TBS's about 3 weeks ago and read the horror stories about some of those on this site and others, so I won't send him to one of those.

Does anyone know of a legit TBS or program that includes school work? If not, any suggestions on what to do for my son? He will be selling pot at school if he stays there and end up in jail. I checked into one private school near our home and it won't take him.

A therapist suggested this program by Eckerd:
http://www.eckerdyouthalternatives.org/
The one he would go to is in Hendersonville, NC. I have seen bad things about some "wilderness schools" on the internet. Any info on this particular program or Eckerd in general? Other suggestions?

Thanks.

Do you always refer to your family members and yourself in the third person?  Are purposely changing your grammar to be more program parent like so we don't recognize that you are just a regular poster here?

It doesn't really matter. This kind of troll actually serves an important purpose for this site. Gives people a chance to talk endlessly about their theory on how to fix a broken kid.

 :rofl:

[RobertBruce]

Robert, thanks, but he dislikes the military (not the troops, just the military life) and says he will run away if sent there. They won't take cadets unless the cadet wants to go anyway. We were going to send him to a military school at the start of the 9th grade for verbally fighting with his mother and he started having serious OCD symptoms. I guess he did have some problems before meeting the bad friends, but his 9th grade year went smoothly overall.

I think the thing youre forgetting is that you are the parent here, he is the child. So what if he doesnt want to go. Make him. If he threatens to run away wish him the best of luck. Hes threatening you with these things because youve shown youre willing to do anything to give him anything as a means of getting him to behave. The moment you finally stand up to your kid he'll back down.

[Ganja]

Maybe you should sue your son. There are plenty of lawyers on this forum that could help you.