It's not just as DESIRE not to get caught, but an appreciation of the CONSEQUENCES of getting caught. I think it is an important lesson.
When you are in a regular boarding school, of course you might want to drink in the dorm. You also might think you can do it without getting caught. The important thing to learn is that the consequences of getting caught are not worth doing it, even though you want to. It never mattered to me that my son WANTED to drink, drive the cars without a license or skip school, what mattered to me was that he couldn't appreciate the consequences of these actions.
I suppose this is one approach and I agree it is necessary to teach kids about potential consequences, I disagree that this is how we should teach kids to make decisons.
Ideally, I want my son not to do these things because he holds the values that these things are wrong to do, not because somone else has told him no, but because he has made that decision. I believe that children who value themselves are less likely to engage in self-destructive behavior.
The diffiuclty Charly, is what should you teach your child when you think the rules are wrong?
Do we tell our kids to shut-up and obey them anyway? Do we say it is okay if you don't get caught and inform them of the consequences? The cliche answer is to work the democratic process to change the law, but let's face it, I don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of doing that.
I have no problems with a kid having a glass of wine with dinner. In our culture, it is normal to go out and get drunk at a party. In Europe and other cultures, public drunkeness and making a fool of onseself is frowned on. Here it seems like we glorify it and then wonder why teens go and do it. Let's do away with alcohol laws completely and teach our kids how to drink (and behave) with moderation.
The problem with legal restrictions (the nanny state) is that if you treat your citizens like children that need nannys, you will end up with citizens that act like that children.
I found myself in a bit of pickle with my 10-year-old. My ex, my son, and I were in a Spanish restaurant. My ex ordered half a pitcher of sangria. My son wanted a taste. I let him taste it. I broke the law.
He wanted his own glass. I informed him he could not have his own glass because the restaurant could lose their liquor license and we (Mom and I) could get arrested for providing alcohol to a minor.
I think this incident is an example where the State is interefering too much with my parenting. I'm trying to teach my kid moderation and appreciation and risking jail time for it. That's just stupid. My son is only 10 but sees the stuipidity in it, too.
So, as a teen, my son will be in the difficult position of believing there is nothing wrong with drinking in moderation, but that because of some unfair laws, he is not allowed to drink at all. Let's see how that plays.