Help me, ----------, you're my only hope.

[Anonymous]

Look, I can't put my finger on it yet but I am going to poke around a little more. I thought it was really fucking uncanny, some of the stuff Lisa said to me on the phone. She can deny it or whatever, but I think it is uncanny, right after I injured my third toe, Lisa said she injured hers. Then in the next phone call she said no it was the fourth toe. There was some other things that made it seem like she knew what I was doing at home, and she denied making posts that could only have come from her or from someone listening to the phone call or outside the house. I thought it was really fucking uncanny that both Lisa and Alex, in separate phone calls, were curious to know what I was going to do after we hung up, this is like 11:30 on a Monday, both times on a Monday. WHY THE FUCK CAN'T ANY GOD DAMN FUCKING HUMAN BEING TELL ME THE TRUTH??? WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING DOWN IN BURLINGTON AND WHY? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT, YOU PEOPLE LET ME SUFFER AND SUFFER AND SUFFER. Right after I first met this Brian Zareva guy, once again, coincidentally 5'7" and 185 pounds, EXACTLY the height and weight Mike Sherman said Brian Dodd was, and the guy had the same middle name. (Sorry dude, I was just curious, I never stalked you or had a p.i. look you up or anything like Mike Sherman did to you.) The guy very definitely and so obviously knew me from the internet. Fuck you shitheads, just fuck you, you might have pulled some other shit that wasn't exactly related, but there was some shit going down. Anyways, I was saying right after I met him, like the next day, a veritable transcript of parts of our conversation went up on this board between Frank Discussion (Alex), Shortbus, and an Anonymous person. Just fuck you, one of you people know something, and FUCK YOU FOR LETTING ME SUFFER FOR MONTHS. YOU SUCK. I LOST EVERYTHING, I HAVE TO GIVE MY DOGS AWAY, MY HEALTH IS SUFFERING, I HAVE HARDLY DANCED IN TWO MONTHS, I WAS CRYING AND SCREAMING AND BREAKING GLASSES BECAUSE OF THE SHIT GOING DOWN IN THAT TOWN. YOU DESTROYED ME. FUCK YOU, EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO KNOWS SOMETHING AND DOESN'T CONTACT ME AND TELL ME WHAT THEY KNOW, FUCK YOU. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU DID THIS TO ME.

I've never been through something so traumatizing. I can't believe how cruel people have been, and continue to be by their silence.

I think I'll go puke now. Alex? Will anyone ever have mercy on me?

[Anonymous]

god, that is pathetic

[Anonymous]

That's a joke, right?

[teachback]

For fuck's sake, Beth! Neither I (nor Lisa, I presume) "know anything." I truly hate to see you going through all of this though, I will tell you that. The more that you rehash this "stuff," the more I conclude that most (if not all) of these goings on are the product of your own vivid imagination. Well who knows, maybe someone else is fucking with you, but it sure ain't me. If any of this is true and someone is in fact doing these things that you're talking about, fuck them. I'd like to know who they are so I could give them what for. I really don't like the thought of this stuff happening in your life, whether it's you that's the cause, or someone else.

All of this stuff you talk about reminds me of a bad trip I once had. I took acid and went to a party where I didn't know a lot of the people. I was CONVINCED that there was something "going on" because of my own interpretation of certain things people said and did in my proximity. I started to believe that there were people there that were either fucking with me for fun (which i guess was remotely possible, but not likely) or because they really did have some scheme brewing and they intended to carry it out. It got so bad that I had to isolate myself in my friend's room. I remember at first being freaked out, but then getting angry. I wanted to find out what the fuck was "going on" and why. What I'm saying to you is that I have experienced (in the short term) a taste of what you are going through and I know it isn't pretty. Anyway, there I was in that room spilling my guts to this other friend who had come in to check on me. He gave me some advice that hit home and made sense to me. After I kept insisting that people were deliberately fucking with me and that they must have some fucked-up agenda, he said to me, "Let's assume for a minute that what you are saying is true, and that something really is going on. You can always FIGHT BACK!" Somehow this helped me to realize that I had some sort of *control* in the situation, and that I could take some course of action with them if need be. It made me feel better somehow. I honestly hadn't thought of it myself. My overwhelmed mind hadn't wrapped itself around the situation enough to realize that I could in fact fight back if I had to. Just hearing this calmed me down a bit. I was able to catch some z's and I took off home on my bike the next morning, I can still remember riding back up MLK Blvd that sunny morning.

For the record, I am not playing games with you, and I don't know about anyone playing games with you. I'm sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but it is the truth! You asked, so I'm telling you.

Remember- If you have to, FIGHT BACK. If it makes you feel better, go to Walmart (or someplace more pc) and get yourself a gun or a knife. If someone gives you a reason to use it, then you can use it! You have the right to defend yourself... I hope this helps.

[Carmel]

Beth...

Sorry I dont know you or whats going down with you...nor am I someone who is "screwing" with you....but it seems to me that what youre getting aggravated by here is very likely a product of your own fabrication mostly.  There may have been painful incidents that happened to you, but dont you realize that what you are posting here  in an attempt to establish mutual invovement, makes little to no sense at all when looked at on the whole?

I mean, nothing of what is troubling you seems to have even any connection or consistency.  Its random fragments of seemingly innocuous incidents that dont seem to have any relationship whatsoever, other than the fact that you post them in the same paragraph.

I see no coincidence or cohesion of any of the issues you seem to be troubled by based on your posting here.  They may be real, but not related.

I mean, you have to consider that the people you speak to are aware of your paranoia and are probably feeling a little uncomfortable or unprepared for how to speak to you without inciting some mistrust or other.  Asking someone what they are doing later on, regardless of the circumstances is a completely reasonable course of action in a conversation that they may feel unsure about...its not a conspiracy, its just being unsure about the direction of the conversation...small talk, you know?

You and maybe some others here may not like this...but this kind of paranoia is sometimes an extreme form of narcissism.  If you feel pain or fear or any combination thereof, it can sometimes be easier to envision the world around you is causing it and that you are the epicenter of some plot, rather than standing up for your own emotional state and take responsibility for it...even if someone has done something hurtful at the outset.  Based on your posting, it seems to me that no one is out to get you, but you want to run from the idea that maybe it might be your own problem and not this perceived outside threat.  It would be so much easier if it were being done TO you, rather than something you were doing to yourself, wouldnt it?

Just my thoughts.  We create our own reality, and sometimes we forget how powerful we are when it comes to doing so.

[Anne Bonney]

Well said Carmel.

Beth I have no clue if anyone is "fucking with you" or not.  I'm not, I never did.  The only time I have ever spoken to you is when someone else was worried about you and thought I might be able to help ease some of your fears.  I obviously failed.  I think we're all paranoid to a certain extent, but I have no idea where this degree of it is coming from, Carmel seems to have a good theory though.

People talk about other people just in the course of conversation, not necessarily 'talking shit' though that does occur too.  It ends up like a game of telephone.  The story gets changed just a little every time it gets told.  Just like you telling Bob that I tried to drown myself and it was his fault for making the barbie-doll/lawnmower remarks.  Yeah, I had a 'nervous breakdown' (for lack of a better term) and I didn't really care if I died, but I never actually attempted suicide and where you got the idea that it would have had anything to do with Bob is lost on me.  My breakdown may have happened around the time that he posted it (I don't think so, but it's possible) but Jeeez, to blame him for somehting like that, well.....

I hope you can find some peace Beth, I really do believe it or not.  I just wish you'd quit blaming everyone around here for stalking you every time a car horn blows or someone asks you what your plans are.

[Anonymous]

Hullo, Anne. I was at Bob's for less than twelve hours because my dogs stayed behind me, that's how uncomfortable we all felt around him. I never told him you tried to drown yourself, that's completely absurd. Bob is, at the very least, as pathological as a clown on pcp. He can't talk about reality, he has to make a story up for everything. Poor old Bob, stuck in that scarey old castle with drips and bats and stuff.

The only thing I said was, yes you did too upset [Anne] with those posts, I was pm'ing her at the time. First he tried to tell me it happened in 2002, I was like no it didn't it happened a couple winters ago, then he changed the story to the DFAF logged in with his name and posted it making it look like it was him. "Enterprise, this is Doctor Beverly Crusher, come in, Enterprise... Two to transport, I've found Bob. Have a Security Escort ready, he's full of nanoprobes."

[Anonymous]

For fuck's sake, Beth! Neither I (nor Lisa, I presume) "know anything." I truly hate to see you going through all of this though, I will tell you that. The more that you rehash this "stuff," the more I conclude that most (if not all) of these goings on are the product of your own vivid imagination. Well who knows, maybe someone else is fucking with you, but it sure ain't me. If any of this is true and someone is in fact doing these things that you're talking about, fuck them. I'd like to know who they are so I could give them what for. I really don't like the thought of this stuff happening in your life, whether it's you that's the cause, or someone else.

All of this stuff you talk about reminds me of a bad trip I once had. I took acid and went to a party where I didn't know a lot of the people. I was CONVINCED that there was something "going on" because of my own interpretation of certain things people said and did in my proximity. I started to believe that there were people there that were either fucking with me for fun (which i guess was remotely possible, but not likely) or because they really did have some scheme brewing and they intended to carry it out. It got so bad that I had to isolate myself in my friend's room. I remember at first being freaked out, but then getting angry. I wanted to find out what the fuck was "going on" and why. What I'm saying to you is that I have experienced (in the short term) a taste of what you are going through and I know it isn't pretty. Anyway, there I was in that room spilling my guts to this other friend who had come in to check on me. He gave me some advice that hit home and made sense to me. After I kept insisting that people were deliberately fucking with me and that they must have some fucked-up agenda, he said to me, "Let's assume for a minute that what you are saying is true, and that something really is going on. You can always FIGHT BACK!" Somehow this helped me to realize that I had some sort of *control* in the situation, and that I could take some course of action with them if need be. It made me feel better somehow. I honestly hadn't thought of it myself. My overwhelmed mind hadn't wrapped itself around the situation enough to realize that I could in fact fight back if I had to. Just hearing this calmed me down a bit. I was able to catch some z's and I took off home on my bike the next morning, I can still remember riding back up MLK Blvd that sunny morning.

For the record, I am not playing games with you, and I don't know about anyone playing games with you. I'm sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but it is the truth! You asked, so I'm telling you.

Remember- If you have to, FIGHT BACK. If it makes you feel better, go to Walmart (or someplace more pc) and get yourself a gun or a knife. If someone gives you a reason to use it, then you can use it! You have the right to defend yourself... I hope this helps.

Well G described you, so I think now that I have cried and you still say you didn't fuck with me I believe you. But very definitely something wierd was going on in Burlington. There's no coincidence with an entire thread that's almost verbatim what I talked about with B.Z., who really is sick and sadistic, he really did lie and lie and lie, and he smiled while doing it. Funny thing, the first thing that spooked me about him, although he was interesting to talk to, is that he had the same creepy eyes my landlord had. Like someone who doesn't want me to notice the snake in the room. Lesson learned: trust your ears when they hear the hiss. Sssssssssssssssssss. Sssssnake comessss up and sssspeakssss to meee, she sssaaaysss to sssseeee. But I did look upon that book and read the crooked lines. Bewitched, I switched the dreaming to something seeming, nothing true. My heart was blue. But one or two did come along and sing to me a song. I melted then, and then I flew to meet my flock. I sought the rock, I tore the veil, all hail did pound the earth. Where there was mirth, new birth, the rest was flood, an ocean rose, a saline sea. This is love for you and me: a pot to clean your nose, a pinch between your toes, a rub on the head, a tuck into bed. In days to come our grandparents will tell us these same stories.

There's no coincidence with a lot of other stuff too. I think probably the most interesting thing to me is that a whole lot of people who probably think they would never participate in something like Straight or give in and be brainwashed or whatever superiour uncomprehending attitude they have actually did recreate and participate in something like Straight. I raise a toast to the smashing of their illusions.

Funny thing, I saw a commercial on t.v., this little girl is standing under a deep blue sky with a few white clouds in a vast green meadow filled with yellow flowers next to an elephant. She's busy admiring the mirrors in a device in her hand which is a tiny television.

[85 Day Jerk]

For the record, Beth, you spent the night, had free reign of half the apartment, went through 3 distinctly different personality transformations, stared at my kitchen floor for 3 whole minutes with a blank expression flanked by your two most intellegent dogs, one of whom looked like she was MORE than used to this shit. (Skippy)
Messed around on my pc until 12:30 a.m. and was up at 5:30 ready to haul ass with not so much as a thank you.   If I was that ingracious to a complete stranger who opened his or her home to me, I guess I would feel a little uncomfortable too. .

[Anonymous]

You can't see what you do with the lies. I asked you for the plain truth and you had none, so I moved on. You think it's a joke to rile things up between me and [Anne] by telling her I told you she tried to drown herself? I'm just setting the record straight, since you lied to her and she doesn't know your game yet. It's downright wierd, Bob. Now you are going to get on here and write some poetry about how I alienated you as a friend? Once in a while, listen to the reaction you are getting from other people. I myself am not laughing at your joke. I don't really think you are concertedly malicious, not super consciously anyways, but I do think you have very poor perspective. I think you are grossly manipulative to lie to Anne about what I said, that is just unconscionable. And it's creepy as well as pathological to think that I should just laugh and realize how stupid I was to take anything you said, ever, seriously. It isn't funny, it's painful. No thank you. I simply had no interest in being anywhere near someone as insensitive as you, which perception of mine is proved lately everytime you post.

[85 Day Jerk]

Plain truth?  You're a spoiled little self centered bitch that refuses to get with the program known as adulthood, Beth.  You live in a fantasy world of your own creation, and if anyone dares smack of reality, they become "creepy" or a liar.  As far as things go between Ms. Bonney and myself, it was YOU who caused bad feelings between us by goddamn re-posting something hateful I had said to her way, way previous to your ever coming onto fornits to darken our door.  Of course I did'nt remember it when you brought it up 2 fucking years later ya stupid manipulative little bitch!  You dug something up that had long been buried and tried to use it as evidence in your goddamn psychotic "trial of life."

As for me being funny, that goes without saying, but when is the last time you really cried Beth?  I am not talking about your little pity party tears of frustration you cry over the phone cuz things don't go your own way or you just don't get it.  I'm talking about REAL tears, tears of loss and regret over how much of your life has been wasted running from the fact that you are a lazy, spoiled, self hating puppet of a brat that refuses to accept the fact she has a CONDITION that she needs to take responsability over.   Instead, you let the CONDITION take responsability over YOU.

[Anonymous]

So when do the blue chairs come in?

[Anonymous]

As far as things go between Ms. Bonney and myself, it was YOU who caused bad feelings between us by goddamn re-posting something hateful I had said to her way, way previous to your ever coming onto fornits to darken our door.  Of course I did'nt remember it when you brought it up 2 fucking years later ya stupid manipulative little bitch!  You dug something up that had long been buried and tried to use it as evidence in your goddamn psychotic "trial of life."

No wonder both I and my dogs were patently ill at ease around you. Your posts are getting more and more mentally disturbed, but I only kick myself for ever talking to you in the first place. I did not have anything to do with those posts, ever, not in '02 and not in '05. You wrote them, they were sick, they hurt Anne, and they really ought to have been to me a red flag warning about you. My intention in bringing them up to you in the course of our conversations was to say "gee Bob, you upset Anne, maybe you shouldn't say things like that," but you completely defended them, you said you wrote it out of caring, and that Anne "looked like shit and needed her ass kicked" or something to that effect, which really is the way you think. It's just gross that you are trying to blame me for something I never had anything to do with, and the only reason we are talking about it again is that now I hear from Anne that you are making up lies about what I said. That, I resent. You creeped Anne out, you creep me out, and if you want to frighten females with how psychotic you are, don't expect them to want to stay in your company or even in the same state. I take stock of your mental and physical health and say no thank you to any "insight" or advice you offer, but by all means, hang out a shingle there in Tennessee, or better yet sit on the sidewalk with a cup for donations in exchange for your free psycho harassment.

[teachback]

On a somewhat comical note, there used to be this weird and sort of annoying guy who would hang out around the Maryland art institute and its surrounding environs holding up a sign that read, "Free Advice."  :rofl:

Somtimes he'd even set up a stand...   ::bwahaha::

The really funny thing is that people would actually go up & ask him questions about themselves.  :silly:

[Anne Bonney]

As far as things go between Ms. Bonney and myself, it was YOU who caused bad feelings between us by goddamn re-posting something hateful I had said to her way, way previous to your ever coming onto fornits to darken our door.

Well, there really weren't/aren't any bad feelings now Bob.  Jesus, that was a lifetime ago.  I was a little disturbed last week though to see the word "bygones" pop up in one of Beth's posts.  Just the word Bygones, off by itself.  Earlier in the evening I had written a PM to you saying 'bygones are bygones'.  Then I see that in Beth's post, I wondered why.  I asked you about it in two emails, but got no answer.

My intention in bringing them up to you in the course of our conversations was to say "gee Bob, you upset Anne, maybe you shouldn't say things like that," but you completely defended them, you said you wrote it out of caring, and that Anne "looked like shit and needed her ass kicked" or something to that effect, which really is the way you think.

I can believe that.  I think he does think that way.  The original comment way back didn't hurt or upset me.  It pissed me off because it was so out of the blue.  I couldn't figure out what I had done that had gotten under his skin.  I guess it was that stupid lunch way back.  There was some meeting at Pinellas Park with a law firm and a bunch of people were getting together afterwards and I didn't go or I went somewhere else.  I guess he took it as a personal afront and it pissed him off.

It's just gross that you are trying to blame me for something I never had anything to do with, and the only reason we are talking about it again is that now I hear from Anne that you are making up lies about what I said. That, I resent. You creeped Anne out, you creep me out, and if you want to frighten females with how psychotic you are, don't expect them to want to stay in your company or even in the same state. I take stock of your mental and physical health and say no thank you to any "insight" or advice you offer, but by all means, hang out a shingle there in Tennessee, or better yet sit on the sidewalk with a cup for donations in exchange for your free psycho harassment.

I wasn't creeped out or afraid of him Beth.  That's a big deal to say you're afraid of someone.  I was never afraid of Bob..... more annoyed.