Ever wonder what makes someone a programmie and makes someone else a survivor? Well, I obviously do, or else I wouldn't be posting this fucking thread.
Is it arbitrary? Signs point to no, in my opinion. I'm fairly certain I am stating the obvious, here, but what the fuck do I know?
I personally don't think this is a question of intelligence or level of suggestibility. I know programmies whom I remember as extremely intelligent people. And I myself am highly suggestible, and consider myself a survivor. I could see a commercial on TV for Reeses peanut butter cups and say "You know, that doesn't sound half bad right now. I think I'll go to the corner store and pick myself up some." Even though I am fully aware that the commercial was partially responsible for my craving. (And no, I don't do this with every single commercial. I'd be a fucking blimp by now.)
I think it boils down to identity. The more in conflict someone's identity is with the dogma, the more conflict they will have reconciling it once they get out. There will be a fight to reclaim what has been lost. Some succeed, some flounder, suffer and question themselves, feeling shame and anger about how who they are does not jibe with what they were taught. Some may even develop personality disorders. In all scenarios, there is a conflict with identity, and at least some degree of suffering and trauma.
So how does it work with the programmies? Their identity is in synch with the program. This doesn't mean that that they were not subjected to the same brutal treatment than the others, or "skated by". Rather, the program was in "agreement" with who they are. It didn't create a conflict of character in or out of the program. The programmie willingly accepts the program's modes of conformity because it suits them and their inherent sensibilities. These sensibilities may have not been evident prior to entering a place like CEDU, because, after all, teens are rebellious, but there was something in their belief system that embraced the program on a deeper level than those of us who were simply victims of brainwashing.
Because of this cohesion, the belief in the program sustains itself long after the programmie exits the environment. I've often asked myself "Why do some people still, after all of this time, believe in this shit?" Well, maybe it's as simple as the fact that they are wired that way. There IS no repression of the psyche, because it jibes with the crap it has been taught, at its most basic level. Zero conflict. Zero contradiction. Is it denial? Well, it is denial that it's abuse, but it is not in the sense that the identity absorbs the ideology and makes it a part of itself. Round peg, round hole.
For those of us who don't fall into this category, we had to fight to regain ourselves. We survived something that sought to silence us. One man's repression is another one's emancipation. It's still abuse, for all of us. It's just that some people identify with abuse more than others.
The problem however, is that some programmies choose to pass that abuse on, in the name of what they believe to be love, or simply out of a sense of self-righteousness. These are obviously incredibly dangerous people.
All of these ruminations at this point are incredibly disorganized and possibly half-baked, and I will be the first to admit it. In some ways, I am simply thinking out loud. I also can't possibly pretend to know what goes on inside a programmie's head. It IS speculation, and just a theory. I CAN, of course, speak with more certainty on the survivor's perspective. What CEDU taught me was SO contradictory to my identity, at its most basic and fundamental level, that it was inevitable that I would have to face myself again and reconcile that conflict.
I think, for sure, that there are programmies who snap out of it. I mean, hell, most of us were programmies at one point, right? And we had to snap ourselves out of it. In this situation, I believe there was always conflict and denial regarding identity.
However, there are others who will never encounter this. Why? No conflict. These are the true programmies, and these are the people I am talking about.
For all I know, I could be wrong, and they may not even exist. Maybe ALL programmies are in denial about their conflict of identity. But it just seems that the program meshes SO well with who some of these people seem to be, that it's hard for me to tell. It's just that they seem so at peace with it. I don't remember feeling that way when I was at RMA, even though I was so incredibly brainwashed it wasn't even funny. I smiled like everyone else, and was terrified of being pulled, but my stomach was always churning. Regarding the ones who seem at peace with this... I guess Stacy Wasserman is a good example. She grew up with it. (She seemed disillusioned to me at one point and took some time off, but then she came back and headed up ASCENT.) I think Jackie is another. There are a few on the cedugraduates site who have been out longer than I have, who seem to fit this description as well. Oprah, and Dr. Phil, and Mel, and all of the people who create this shit to begin with. Sure, Mel might have been in it for the money, but there was something he saw in Synanon that clicked with him. I believe that.
This of course, could all be perfectly obvious to everyone else, and I'm just seeing it for the first time. I can be a bit slow on the uptake.
What do the rest of you think?
