Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum

seed loosing it's power over me!

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Antigen:
I used to have this recurring dream about the morning routine. I was an oldcomer and my daughters were newcomers. I was planning our escape but I had to be careful how much to let on. I wanted them to hang on to their minds but not give it away. And I worried that they'd be broken and snitch us out before I could pull it off if I let them know too much or that they'd believe my act and be brainwashed if I didn't clue them in enough.

That culminated in one very terrifying and vivid dream where I went incognito into this place I was researching at the time in real life, Character Inn in Indianapolis. There I found my daughter about halfway up the 14 story atrium, down on the floor polishing her way down an endless wooden banister. There was a moment of tension when she saw me and, thankfully, picked up on the idea that she'd better not let on.

Next thing, we're back in Pompano, having escaped somehow. We're at a spot near the beach where I used to go in the wee hours in my pre-program days just to watch the sun rise and get a little sanity break. We were looking for someone to hide us out for the daylight hours so we could sleep and plan our next move. I nice elderly couple agreed to let us crash in their condo or time share or something and we were just starting to walk toward the place when this SUV comes rolling up and two Straight staffers jump out wearing their Izod golf shirts and snide grins. They had rusted lengths of rebar in their hands and they proceeded to beat this elderly couple to death, laughing and taunting us all the while "You can't get away, nobody ever gets away. Now look what you made happen to these nice old people!...."

In real life at that time, my then 15yo daughter was not living at home. She had hooked up w/ a very controlling, abusive little fucker who I believe was a snitch for the local sheriff's drug task force. Just about every detail of the dream was fairly direct allegory to what was troubling my mind in those days. And it was impetus for me to go full on w/ both barrels against the entire toughlove hate group movement.

And words just can't relay how thankful I am to every person who has contributed in so many different ways to that effort. Even the trolls and unapologetic program apologists do their part.

Fire Swamp:

--- Quote from: ""Cassandra"" ---Even the trolls . . . do their part.
--- End quote ---

Bloody well right we do!  :flame:

Anonymous:
it was cool to read this... I've experienced the same dream in variable ways about CEDU as 12 and Cass for Seed.

It is scary.

I've analyzed CEDU a lot and I realized recently one of the long term effects. It taught me not to trust myself. When you don't trust your gut and yourself you can't have healthy boundaries.  When you don't have healthy boundaries, you misplace trust in others who don't deserve it.  And this has had tremendous ramifications in my life. *TREMENDOUS.

I've lost a lot due to not trusting myself.  I can't recover what I've lost, but I can move forward.  

Shanlea

GregFL:
This is exactly what we were taught in the seed...that we were powerless failures that needed the seed for our very survival...that we would inevitably fail and lead miserable lives if we ever left the seed and while we were miserable failures the seed songs would play in a horid loop within our heads reminding us of our failure to do the right thing....that we could never leave and be successfull because we were damaged goods.

I rejected the seed but the indoctrination did not leave so easily.  I was left, as Shanlea said, mistrusting and even disliking myself and had my family torn apart in the process.

I too had many seed dreams over the years but they have almost gone away.  I didn´t log in but posted above about my dream where I laughed and walked away from the adult 'seed' meeting.  I believe that is symbolic of what has really happened in my life, that I have finally as a middle aged adult walked away from the negativism and cutlism I was exposed to at age 14. Nowadays the rare dreams are framed in weird expressions of what I went thru and do not involve me as powerless but rather as an observer of the bizzare alternate reality that these programs suck you into.

 In no small part I thank everyone who participates and participated in these forums.

Stripe:
It sure is nice to see yourself healing from experience now instead of reliving it when you are supposed to be resting isn't it?  There's lots to be said for the value of working out in the dreamscape.  

I had weirdo dreams over the years, too.  Full of violence and fear,  that's about all I remember.  I never thought to look at the symoblisim of my seed dreams in one of those dream-meaning books.  It might make some entertaining reading.

Not12, I'm so glad to read that you are doing so well.  It's amazing what happens to us when the devil of the experience is finally let go. Personally, for me, even as painful as it was, it's a much better "feeling" than any feeling I ever got from the creepy place.

And by the way, sweet dreams tonight and everynight.  To all of you.

Stripe

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