you know,as i look at the "ever growing " list a friend of mine is assebling,i shake my head.....you see, April was the month i came in and the person who got me through April and into the next few months there,was a girl named April DeShong..... after i cut my hand,she was the only one that was on my side...i could tell by the looks she gave me from accross the room....i could also feel her agony and pain from where i was sitting..... her family had been involved with str8 since 79.....as i was coming in there,her family was on its way "out" of str8...she was the last one.......Every day when i came into group,i made sure i saw her.....we'd steal glances every chance we could......i know everyone here knows what i mean to some degree...... .at some point in my first 2 weeks,after exhausting a lot of time trying to find ways of splitting,we both kind of decided to comply....no, i'm not tele kinetic,but it was like we could read each others minds!....we each made 2nd phase around the same time......still stealing glances at each other when ever we could....i remember getting called over to the girls side by a trainee..... .April was on 3rd phase , i was still on second,but getting close to 3rd......as the staff member was telling us what to do,i had a very close shot at her.....when our eyes met,they stayed locked onto each other.....i knew she was still cliqueing with me....w/o saying anything.... .{kind of like the lady in 1984 the book} she was talking to me......call me a wimp,but if we'd had the chance to split,with her, i would've.... ..she knew the state....... i can't explain what i'm trying to say.......Unfortuna tly,the only time i ever had around her,was when we were both going back to school....we were in the carpet room....i was reading a readers digest story about Ted Bundy! she sat accross from me......we talked a little small talk, very careful not to get ourselves in trouble..... ..i was in heaven! here i was,talking to April DeShong! i wanted to thank her for helping me through my first few months in there....but , of course i couldn't.... that would be "cliqueing". ....she was going back to her school ...i was being sent to "Harvest Temple" not sure where it was...say Clearwater? i don't know......that place turned out to be a bullshit session....that is,nothing i did in there counted as school!....lol. ....
One day i came in and looked for her....just trying to "steal" my "daily glance" of her...it made my day if i got to do that......like she was a luck charm or something... ..but i didn't see her.....in fact later that day i didn't either.....still in denile that she was gone,i kept thinking she'd show up at dinner time {if you want to call the shit we ate in there "dinner"}... ..nope... ....at some point,i realised she had split again....... ..at first, i was really bummed out.....it looked like sooner or later we were going to do shit together on 5th phase and get out of there etc.....believe me,i had plans....i figured if i the only way i could feasibly get out of there was to finish,finishing with her would be awsome!..... i kept thinking that the way her dad was to her over the micro phone,{he was mean...he used to tell her that if she doesn't str8'n out,he was going to go over there and spank her in front of everybody in the building} she'd be back,but she never did.....i was happy for her but i was bummed out too....this meant i'd never see her again....me being from virginia,it was impossible.. ...
After i was started over,i was sitting in exacutive rap....very very depressed {if at any time in there,i really needed a doctor to talk to honestly,w/o fear of getting huuued,it was then......} there was Miller going on and on about "appreciation of being there" or some kind of horse shit he feed us on a constant basis about how without him and his "methods",we' d be dead.......then he said "How many of you remember April DeShong?"... .some of us raised our hands,{me included} then he said "Well,i just want you to know that she just died a few months ago....she was in a mustang that wrecked..... .she died in the accident.... blah blah blah....the rest of his garble didn't matter or mean anything to me.......April was gone forever....the only person that cared about me at all in that cold vicious place,when i first came in,was gone.....i never got to thank her or laugh with her about our "cliqueing" through our phases
etc etc........i had to suck up my true feelings in there and as hard as i tried,the tears ran down my cheeks...i felt like i had lost a girlfriend.. ..i wanted to scream and yell,but i couldn't do shit......it was too much for me to deal with and it fried my brain...especially after having been started over on 5th phase just less than 2 weeks earlier!.... .....of course i got called on later in the rap......i had to lie...if i told the truth,i would've been in there longer..in so many words,i explained that i was bummed out about April...i alluded the fact of my affection towards her........when i 7 stepped,that night i just sat outside and thought about her and everyone else that didn't finish or died etc...while i was in there...April was the first person i had personal feelings towards,that died after being put in str8......to most of the ppl that were in there at the time,she was just another casualty,but to me,she was more than that.......exerpts from my book....just thought you guys might like to know or read that part...HERE' S TO April and the rest that didn't make it ....may the rest of us find our way in the world....... ..hippie
{just thought you guys would like to read this.....sorry i haven't been around....had to split from all of it for a spell.......hey starry ,froderick and everyone else.......hip}
