I really appriciate what you had to say Alex.
That's a really good point. We are all different. If I had a bio-family that gave a rats ass about me,(with the exception of my sister) I'm sure I'd have forgiven them long ago. Instead, to this day, or as of last July, I had to sit on the phone and listen to my mom tell me that by age 7, I was unlovable. Sorry mom, why didn't you notice your husband abusing me every day since age 2. Then, when the ass-hole dies, you ship me off for 5 years of more abuse, just so I could turn 18, and be homeless. Yay!!!
But, that, back then, was the best summer of my life. I was free. Sure, I slept in my tiny Chevy Sprint hatch-back, in the middle of a corn field, or an abandoned building. I didn't even own a pair of shoes and stole gas and food everyday to survive, but I finally had a family. We were all in the same boat. Pirates. Our little gang of homeless rejects. Funny thing though, all our parents had money! We were just kids. We weren't violent, we weren't mean, well, except that we always made little Keith ride in the trunk of Joel's car when ever we went out, he was the youngest, 13, he didn't seem to mind that much. He was the only one of us that was a runaway. There were 5 of us, I was the only girl. I would have never made it without them. We created a hierarchy for ourselves, and our abandoned building was 'The Castle.' Joel was my best friend, and without even meaning to, started my life over for me. He was from Jefferson city, Missouri. His car died, so we were left with just mine. Everyone went their separate ways except we two. He talked me into driving him back up to Missouri, to try and get his high school girlfriend back, Amy. Hell yes I went, I hated Dallas. The day we got to Missouri was the day I met Darren, Xyla's Daddy. Dallas was forever gone. Xyla Blue is my daughter.The only time I ever got pregnant, so far anyway. Darren named her Xyla, I named her Blue. He thought it would be a girl, and I thought boy, so when she arrived we put them together, and it was a perfect fit. God, Darren's death has blown a hole through my heart. I can't help sounding like a whiny pussy, cuz some days, that's exactly what I am. Sorrow is just way to familiar, but I'm learning how to walk on the sunny side. It sure takes a long time to grow up when you're an orphan, and in the same breath, I sure had to grow the hell up fast.
I do have one sibling, she's 7 years younger than me, and we are close now, but I didn't even like her until she was 16. She lives in Seattle now, as far from Dallas as possible. Our childhoods were opposite of each others, yet we both can't stand the woman who gave us our lives. We are greatful however for the one thing that person contributed to though, our births. Unfortunately, my brother Gavin never even got that. She, at 8 months pregnant, for three days hemorrhaged,(the placenta was separating from the uterine wall) and by the time her mother told her to got to the emergency room, he was dead inside of her, he didn't have to suffer and die, he could have been saved. My dad was playing golf when Gavin was delivered stillborn. Being a mommy, I know that would not have happened had he been mine. I don't ever want to understand my mother. There's no excuse for neglectful parenting. My dad was a doctor. He didn't work at home though, he always resented when any of us were sick. I hated my father, he was mean. Yes there really are complete and utter bastards in this world. I suppose they're here to balance out the good. So yah, whatever, I had a crappy first hand. The cards I hold today make up for it ten fold. We do have to choose to be happy. Straight was just one of the pot holes in the drive of my lifetime. It just happened to be a pretty big one!
Sorry this was so long. I don't dwell there anymore, that's how I'm able to, for the first time in my life, write about it. People always tell me I should write a book. And no-one's forcing you to read this crap, but thanks if you are.
Morli
::soapbox::
P.S. Hey Bob, if I send you a self-addressed, stamped envelope, will you send me some bumperstickers? I'll send cash if you need me to.
I was planning on passing fliers around here. I live in a fairly small town, but there are 3 colleges here, all with in walking distance of each other. I'm also going to circulate them to the mental health officials I know here, whom I know are anti-tough-lovers.