http://www.strugglingteens.org/cgi-bin/ ... 9;t=000020we sent our son there one month ago. he had been diagnosed ADD,ODD, and depressed... two days after arriving and not totally knowing all the rules he got
3 days restriction for taking a bag of chips to dorm room- found out they only get 2 meals on sun. and he was hungry... he was isolated and had to do work duty- shoveling rocks up a hill...2 days after that restriction he received 1st letter from home and was reading it during group... was told to put it up 4x cause it rudely distracted group and was given 4 days of work restrictions and isolation... we were encouraged by staff to totally back them and did although felt in both incidents punishment was a little severe so to speak for the crime ..(hand book informed us for small offences they had time out or zaps- a run around the lake- neither of which he got.... bottom line he ran away that nite and we were called AND ASSURED IS COMMON BUT THEY FIND 80% VERY QUICKLY AND THEY DON'T GO FAR... WE FOUND OUR SON 1000 MILES AWAY 4 DAYS LATER!!! yOU CAN READ MORE OF OUR EXPERIENCE UNDER 2 POSTS runaway son AND helppppp!!! WE ARE TOLD NOW by hla HE HAS MORE THAN odd AND hla IS NOT APPROPRIATE... I DID LIKE A FEW THINGS ABOUT PROGRAM AND WE BACKED THEM 100% BUT IT HAS BEEN ROUGH MONTH ... I WOULD ADVISE CHECK IT OR ANY PLACE THOROUGHLY... ASK LOTS OF
? AND TALK TO LOTS OF PARENTS... I AM LEARNING IT IS A JOURNEY WITH THESE KIDS AND IF the program doesn't fit find one that does ...feel free to send me peronal post if need more info... we leave wed for more testing and to find new program...good luck!
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Nancy,
My experience is that you would need to get advice from some professional people as a school counselor or ed. consultant to help making less mistakes in placement. We almost had a disaster... I was doing research on my own, and had narrowed down to HLA and Three springs 2 years ago. I got scared and worried about placing my child to completely unknown strangers/place. Three Springs admissions was a little tougher, they were reviewing my child's application and said it would take 3-4 days unless it was emergency.
HLA accepted my son within the same day after reviewing all the hospital paper work I sent. The quick admissions made me felt very uneasy. I then found out that there was such a thing as ed. consultant from my child's therapist. The ed. consultant interviewed us and our son before she recommended the 3 schools to us. She knew all these schools and had visited and placed kids there. It gave me some level of comfort. HLA was not on our recommended list and she only said to us that ASR was highly recommended. ASR would not take my child right away, had a 3-4 week wait for opening. We had to place our son in a wilderness program, it gave us time to visit TBS's. HLA and ASR are very similar. While we were at HLA,
we found out from the town police and people that there were quite a few run away, almost twice a week at the time. In addition, HLA accepts escorts and ASR does not. That means kids to HLA are more apt to run away. My son ran away from home a few times, the chance of him running away from TBS was high. We were able to convince our child and took him to ASR at the end of his wilderness. Somehow, he made up his mind to commit 16 months at TBS to change his lifeTwo years later, he is now doing well in college. Someone upstairs were looking after us! Some place work for some kids and not others and again, each kid is entirely different. .
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The rest of the runaway story:
I posted here new years day looking for place for our son... we got lon's book, researched, prayed, talked to many parents at different schools,spent countless hours reading posts on this site, visited our top choice and felt it was a good match... on jan 10th we woke up early, had car packed and surprised our son and took him to hidden lake academy... we had friends praying he would be cooperative and he fell asleep for 3 hours!!! he was mad and sad the closer we got but no big episodes... after we dropped him off we cried but felt relieved we had done right thing... he is 16 yr old , depressed, ADD< ODD, smoking, smmoking pot, low grades but very smart, would not obey rules, skipped classes, and ran away 2 times in dec.he possibly could be bipolar-not diagnosed but from reading i see some signs... he is like 2 different people... very loving, personable, sweet ,cooperative, goes to church, has great set of friends, then there is the dark side... mean, spiteful, ticks everyone off, had kid pull gun on him at school over a girl and has set of friends we do not know that are not good influences... after two days at HLA he broke small rule and got 3 days suspension... we talked to him and he didn't like it but let us know he loved us... on friday he got in trouble for small thing again but he hates rules and anyone telling him what to do so he ran away fri. nite and we have no idea where he is ... the school looked, the local sheriff, and we have now hired John villines... thanks to all your great comments about him... we need your prayers for his safety and retrieval... this is the most gut-wrenching experience not having a clue if your son is dead or alive.. i appreciate how supportive this forum is as i really need some encouragement today...thank you and God bless...
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thank you for all your responses... yes, we will definitely send him back if and when he is found. luckily, they have a 27 day wilderness component that he most likely will need to get him on track... we believe in the school so far... i believe he would have done this anywhere we sent him... this is the way he handles his problems is to try and run but that never solves anything ... the agency has found he took a bus to atlanta sat. nite so please!!!! pray for physical safety on the streets...
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we got a call from our son late last nite PTL!!! he is safe and alive.. he took a bus from atlanta to dallas(we have no clue yet how he got the $$ but one thing i'm learning these kids are resourceful and obviously not scared to try anything) and called a friend to pick him up(unbelievably it was the one friend out of state we called two days ago and told if he contacted him to please let us know) we have many decisions to make and figure out how to get him, transport him, etc...
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whewwww!!! i am exhausted!! thanks for all your sharing ... because i have quietly searched these posts for weeks and read how many of you handled things we were prepared when the crisis came! we had john villines people go to dallas, they got the police and totally surprised him late last nite, locked him up in juvi center overnite and flew him back to georgia today and took him straight to wilderness program... we only spoke on phone very briefly to him when he got off plane cause he was pretty ticked... we let him know his little escapade caused a lot of people a lot of grief, time and $$$ to say the least and the consequences were to recap a small bit(no cost considered for emotional turmoil and grief) by selling his truck and that we were giving him 1 last chance to work on HIS issues and own HIS choices... if he agreed to work the program, not run again and improve grades we would eventually start new fund for vehicle only to be used on successful graduation from program... time will tell...thanks to allof you...
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its early thursday am and this is so hard to write and put in words... i have not posted in soooo long, although i still visit and read often and still send private emails about relevant programs or topics. when i first found this site about 2 years ago this week i came daily to read and gather information, strength and encouragement from so many of you... our son(now 18 1/2) went away in jan 2002 to his 1st tbs and by may 2002 had run away or gotten dismissed from 4 programs- he then went to a wilderness where he finally chose to work on his issues and quit struggling and went on a month later to a fantastic rtc in utah for the following 9 months. he graduated in late mar 2003 and was truly a different kid- to ALL around him- teachers, peers, family, etc... he could have been poster boy for recovery- he was happy, at peace with himself, honest, grateful and ready to start anew- he came home - finished his 11th grade year by correspondence courses, made new healthy friends, had an incredible girlfriend( he even went and told her family his past and asked her dad's permission to date her!!!); had parttime job;etc... it was such a joy to see him enjoy a clean life and discover the fun you can have as a teenager just hanging out.he was miraculously accepted his sr year into a college prep boarding school 2 hrs away( he did not want to go near his old public high school and none of the local private schools would accept an incoming senior so this seemed to be a God-send. he left in late july to play football and stared school a month later- after about 5 weeks he was barely getting any playtime in the sport he adored and that was a huge disappointment; his grades were rapidly going down-it is extremely tough but everyone thought he was capable... he was initially making a stand on his sobriety but of course not a popular one and he told us most teens don't have a clue about what its like to daily struggle with addiction... he still was in touch with a therapist and talking openly with us and all seemed ok..when he came home thanksgiving he had been on academic probation for 6 weeks but was slowly pulling up some grades. however, i could sense something was amiss- (He had just had a friend 3 days earlier go out partying after a college football game and exchanged words with another guy and he was shot and killed- 2 years ago a similar thing occurred with my son - he had gun pulled on him but no shots-also that week 2 years ago his best friend was killed drinking and driving)he was shady, antsy, and not wanting to be around much-i tried to think he was just upset over the death and remembering the anniversary of the other 2 events but felt it was something more .we drug tested him and it was negative but in my guts i believe he took something to mask it... i found bottle of alcohol that he said he had bought for a friend.. i let him know i did NOT buy that. he said it hurts me for you to think i am a failure and have not changed-i would never be so stupid to let that ruin my life again or the relationship we have fought so hard to attain- i have lost too many friends to effects of drugs or alcohol-and though i cannot promise you i will never take a drink - i will NEVER be so stupid as to get kicked out of school over a bottle of alcohol;etc... to wrap this up- exactly 2 weeks later that is exactly what happened- this past sun the school had reason to perform room search and he was caught and immediately dismissed with 3 days of exams left... we lost a years worth of tuition and most likely he will only get 2 credits to transfer.we had warned him since returning repeatedly what consequences would be if this happened .. main thing being we refuse to live in chaos again, with lies, manipulation and active using so he spent 1st night at a rescue mission and monday we found a type of halfway house for him. tues he found a job and a bike ( we took his truck and cell phone - another addiction he had made almost 4000 minutes of calls this past month!!!!)He claims he wants to finish hi school and get a degree but he is furious with us for practicing tough love... sorry this is so long .. but like karen and pete and barb- we are devastated beyond words...
