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Offline ehm

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« on: February 21, 2003, 06:30:00 AM »
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2003, 08:10:00 AM »
I can identify with much of what you shared. Mostly with by personality being splintered and deformed by Straight. Not knowing this until recently. Did become undiagnosed, but obviously schizophrenic. Straight was very bad for the psyche of young folks. The good thing is that we are still alive and can begin to put the pieces of our lives back together, and there are people here who understand. I have to go to work now, and will post after work.

Take care of yourself.

Scott
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2003, 08:28:00 AM »
ISAC has a helpline on their page they also have volunteer professionals for counseling call them at
727-596-7118 -if you need to you can call collect just say survivor and they will take it
Their page is located at
http://www.straightincorporated.com

They have personally interviewed each counselor and have a standing agreement with each professional on the appropriate form of treatment for survivors. ISAC is made up of all survivors.
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Offline ramprato

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« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2003, 10:52:00 AM »
"I still feel stupid posting this. Because boo fucking hoo, poor me right?"

Lesli, NO you are not stupid or 'feeling sorry for yourself'. You are merely trying to understand what the hell happened to you. That "pity" thing is just ANOTHER Straight-tape rolling in your head that STRAIGHT stuck there. I know I have the same crap like that come up once in a while, I just have to shut it off. You are entitled to whatever you are feeling. People outside of you Lesli NEVER had any business dictating to you how you should feel.

Like all of us, you just had a bunch of nutcakes at one time in your life that messed with it terribly yet never had any business doing so in the first place. I don't like seeing you put yourself down like this.

I don't even know you but you just grabbed at my heart. I know all about those 4 people you described that you split yourself into. I wish I could go back to that young man I was before and get him away from Straight so I wouldn't have to pick up al these pieces they left me in today. But I have made up my mind that when I am done picking up these pieces, I am NOT ever going to clean up after them again, in fact, whenever I can, I will do whatever I can to expose these monsters that founded and operated Straight so that they can't hurt other kids today, it really helps me heal from their shit.

Myself, I took it up another notch and decided after I "graduated" that I was still the 'family fuck-up' and that my parents and those at Straight all walked on water. I love that term 'fear sobriety' that you used as well, that was the case for me for nearly 15 years I carried that around thinking I was some kind of an addict, more like I was lied to in the name of money.

There is help out there, I go to a great therapist here in Michigan who had heard of Straight and the sadistic methods that they used. Once I realized that it was not my fault, and that I was lied to, I was able to quit smoking after a 2 pack a day 15 year habit. I'm sure that there has to be someone in the Dallas area that knows about therapeutic communities like Straight was.

Take care of yourself Lesli and write back soon.....Ken
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Offline ClayL

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« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2003, 11:26:00 AM »
Leslie, I think we all go through the same thing when finding these sites. The confirmation that all the doubts we had about the way we felt is at once, comforting and overwhelming. This site brought back all the pain and memories of the pain, friends that are gone, wasted years, and "wat if's" that I recieved with malice aforethought. Then to come to grips with the fact that all these thing were purposly inflicted on me is almost unbearable. Listening to the stories of people who have had their lives shattered the same way mine was is helpful and gives me drive to insure that (1) I will never let this happen to me again and (2) will do my best to protect my children from the same hucksters of dubious dreams.

Thank you for writing what you did. It helped me remember my experience. Please know that you can rely on me if you need someone to discuss these things with. Do continue with you counselor. The person sounds like they know what they are doing. I wish you all the best in life. It is yours to take or not.

Sincerely
Clay
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Offline marika708

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« Reply #5 on: February 21, 2003, 12:31:00 PM »
There are so many of us that have the exact same feelings inside that you outlined in your post, I think my first few posts all started with the words "I am so amazed"...

There are days that it is too much, and there are days when right in the middle of a conversation or discussion that I realize that "I'm doing it".  At least now I do realize that it's not really me, I am slowly trying to reclaim the person that Straight damaged so many years ago.

I am glad you found this board, too.  Welcome.

Marika

I am sick unto death of obscure English towns that exist seemingly for the sole accommodation of these so-called limerick writers -- and even sicker of their residents, all of whom suffer from physical deformities and spend their time dismembering relatives at fancy dress balls.
--Editor of the Limerick Times
(Limerick, Ireland)

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arika
Atlanta \'83-\'84

Offline kosmonaut

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« Reply #6 on: February 21, 2003, 07:13:00 PM »
Whenever I read a post like this by someone who just found out about the growing online community of ex-Straight people, it's difficult to respond because words can't convey the hell we all know so intimately.  All I can say is I'm glad you found this place and I look forward to hearing more from you.
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AR CRASH TURNS FROWN UPSIDE DOWN

Offline METALGOD8

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« Reply #7 on: February 21, 2003, 10:08:00 PM »
:smokin:
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Offline ehm

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« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2003, 01:30:00 AM »
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2003, 07:56:00 AM »
"I can't remember a day that has gone by, since the day I left straight, that I could truly identify with myself or who I was"

exactly
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Offline Froderik

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« Reply #10 on: February 23, 2003, 03:35:00 AM »
At 3AM all I can say is welcome to this and any other boards...well there's really only 2 for us str8 survivors...this one and the yahooo Alumni site. I almost said "group." (I decided against that terminology...) I also went thru the overwhelming wave of emotion that knocked me off-kilter for like a week (at least)
"Less than 72 hours ago I stumbled upon all of this information after 17 years of battling with what seemed to be, as years went by, a severe mental disorder that I only had an abusive childhood to trace it back to. I can't believe that for this long I didn't think of straight as anything more than something that I was ashamed of even admitting I was in. I knew that at 15 years old it is near impossible to be a "drug addict". I would have had to have started ?hard-core? drug use at nine. But still have kept it a secret.


This says it all to/for me. I was exactly the same way with my attitude about straight. Peace!
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #11 on: February 23, 2003, 01:42:00 PM »
"Did become undiagnosed, but obviously schizophrenic."

If you don't mind saying, what led you to believe that you were schizophrenic?
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2003, 12:56:00 AM »
For several years I heard voices, weird ones. :scared:
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #13 on: March 14, 2003, 02:13:00 PM »
You have found the answer you've been looking for IT'S NOT YOU IT'S STRAIGHT.
This might be why. Does any body remember this.  Does anybody remember the ?WHITE ROBES AND CANDLES DURING THE LOVE RAPS??

I was one of the brainwashed that helped open the Dallas SYNANON IN 1986.  I came from St. Petersburg on 4th phase. 6 months on 1st phase. Damn Bastards. Oh, I mean WIZARDS. I remember them torturing those victims (misbehavers). I saw the suicide attempts. I saw the carvings, the restraints. Told to turn the "f--around and look STRAIGHT" as another one runs for the door. Now he's feeling the pain. Got to keep motivating like they are not insane. Lets have a song like zippidy-doo-da-day, want some pain today if you don't obey. Or BINGO i THINK WAS HIS NAME-O.  Two more head for the door. DESTROYED THEY ARE TAKEN AWAY. Only distant screams now. But its time to play their GAME. Don't get called on, you're blown away. The pack is hungry. Lets get in his face(HER). Lets break him today. They attack. Lining them up its no mistake.  Lets break him today.  He won't obey. NOT THE PROGRAM (7 OR 12 STEPS) but their "GAME". So your brothers and sisters begin to show you how to play.  Lead by the leaders who have WORKED THEIR  ?ART?.   One by One they come yelling with all their game.  I tell you no lies.  How could I?  Weren?t you there that day?  They have done well with their prey. They broke him today.  He is under their spell.  Hope you can take it its just been one day.  (I am guilty of their ways).  Have a seat we have more to feed upon today. OH, And by the way ?does the group have something to say?.

               "WE LOVE YOU"

I HOPE THIS HELPS YOU TO SEE THE TRUTH INSTEAD OF ALL THOSE "lies".

JESUS CHRIST IS THE ONE.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #14 on: March 14, 2003, 03:21:00 PM »
Look, it's really super duper that you have found Christ and all, but guess what? No-one likes having belief systems crammed down their f*cking throats. Remember???????.......Duh......

If you are giving thanks that's nice, but you are starting to sound annoying as hell. Get to the point of whatever it is you're trying to say for cryin' in the mud!!  What are you, an avangelist or something? Go join a missionary or buy a cable slot. Just stop preaching repetitively, like a robot, you sound a little creepy dude.

All I trying to say is respect other people's individuality, and freedom of religion. O-TAY?
That'd be super, thanks.

P.S. I'm sorry if this post is a bit abrasive, but I can't stand when people try to instill their belief systems into others. Go pass out flyers door to door, or yell at strangers on a street corner.
Love,
Secular Humanist/free thinker
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