There's another thread similar to this one in the Straight Vets forum titled
who else struggles. If I read it right, that one came from somebody who went through Elan and it seems like most of the native SV ppl missed that cause everything else is about the same.
Been thinking about this just lately, though; how to explain it to myself and those nearest and dearest to me. Till a few years ago, I never kept in touch with anyone from the Program, even family. Even my best childhood friend and I sort of drifted apart pretty soon after all of that. So I've always had a different perspective on things than the people around me. That makes life hard sometimes.
When Ft. Lauderdale PD and the tourist commission, or whomever planned it, cordoned off the beach and instituted random bag searches on pedestrians, it scared the living shit out of me. Didn't seem to bother anyone around me, and that scared me more. This was Independence Day of, I think, `96. When my kids started coming home from school with DARE and Peer Counseling material, that gave me the creeps. Daytime talk shows remind me of group. They don't remind anyone else of group; naturally enough because no one around me was there. When ATF opened fire on the Waco compound, I was the only one in the office not glued to the tv and cheering like the home team just made the winning fucking touch down. I rained on that parade, too, reminding everyone that there were kids in that place. That may have cost me some popularity around the office, but fuck em!
People who have never had so much reason to think so much about these things find this sort of behavior odd and disquieting. Seems like paranoia to them cause look, see?, no one else is worried. Everyone's having a good time and it only takes a few minutes to show the officer that you have nothing to hide. What the hell's the problem, right? Paranoia or prescience?**
We were exposed to a potent slice of the prison without walls experiments. People seem to sort themselves into to major groups based on favorite coping mechanism; they either develop a strong aversion and keen sensitivity to Program elements and tactics or they go the other way, plug their ears and chant "lalalala" * and pretend none of this is actually happening. Today? Check out the front page of Buzzflash.
"The Statue of Liberty Hangs Its Head in Shame: Congress Passes Law Giving Bush, Whose Actions Have Increased the Number of Terrorists and the Threat of Terrorism, Torquemada Torture Powers, the Right to Suspend Habeas Corpus, the Right to Declare Anyone -- Even Americans Enemy Combatants -- Who Could be Tortured And is Granted Retroactive Immunity from War Crimes. This May be the Fall of the Republic."
http://buzzflash.com/ Regardless of what you may think about their editorial kant, the statement is factually true. And, again, most of the people around me don't really have a problem with it. But then none of the people around me were held captive and tortured for two years by the Büsh family fundraising champion, Mel Sembler.
* Acually, they don't usually chant "lalalala". Usually, they chant "you're a druggie, you're a druggie, you're a druggie!" Failing that, they go take another Prozac and plot and scheme new and interesting ways to "help" the people around them. That's why I don't hang out w/ the fuckers. They're dangerous!
** Words change. All the time, they do, which is how we eventually develop distinct languages and coloqialisms. That's fine. But I was sad to see that prescience--the ability and habit of extrapolation--has come to be used as a synonym for divination. I guess common sense has become such a rare comodity it seems like magic anymore. I give up on people. I'm looking for a pack of dogs that will have me.
