Your response to this question is so similar to what mine would have been. I?m not used to any of this yet, this being my second posting, and about 94 hours into learning of how many comrades I have out there or that any one else had the same experience as me. My post is the ?help me someone.?
For years I have been broken hearted to hear the words, ?I can?t handle you?, or ?you are to intense for me.? Just in the past four days it has been so important and amazing to learn these horrible traits I literally possessed, were not me. It will take years to forgive or correct this ?destruction skill? thanks to straight, I too am jaded, and engulfed with guilt and shame. I?m so sorry, that is not me. At least I know this now, finally.
As far as my family, my abusive Father died when I was 13. six months later, I was sent away, not to straight but another boot camp style child prison. I was there two years. Six months later is when I was thrown in straight. Between that small period of time, I was a run away. I knew my Mother was doing everything in her power to find me, so she could send me away again. The day she had two large men, whom I did know, pick me up, dragged me kicking, screaming, biting, scratching spitting, to a van and drove (a short drive, I lived in Richardson where the facility was) to straight Dallas. I would have jumped out if ever there was an opportunity, I was small though, they were big. That moment, the one right before you don?t see your parents for a long time, I told her, ?I swear to God, if you do this to me again, I will NEVER forgive you.? 17 years later, I not only can?t, but won?t. At least not until she could ever admit to anything, but I have been trying to tell her for 17 fucking years, ?don?t you realize, because you stole it from me my youth, did not exist.? My mom refused to open a host home, yet we lived in Richardson(Dallas). Since 13 I was not welcome in my own home. My fiancé has been on a personal campaign ever since we stumbled into this info. He could be nothing less of a true saint, daily I?m thankful. My mom, I can?t touch on the subject . My feelings of any thing that resembles love for my Mom are frozen. For years I could and still do feel nothing but REPULSION.
Thank you for simply being alive,
Morli a.k.a. Lesli
[ This Message was edited by: Morli on 2003-04-04 23:47 ]