Author Topic: Cant sleep again  (Read 652 times)

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Offline Gah

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Cant sleep again
« on: September 08, 2006, 01:44:13 AM »
My brain keeps comming up with shit. For the last few years, I have been talking about my experiences in Straight. If you noticed I said in Straight. I felt like I never left really. I found some people I have been in Straight with and spoke to a few, Maybe it wasnt such a good idea but I never really understood why or how people can just go on with thier lives. I have learned that some people really can put it in some lil closet in there brains. I guess I just lived with it thinking about it all my life every day. Now when I think back, I think about memories before Straight. I am not as angry about it. What I have relized today is that I never found who I am as a person. What do I like and dislike? I allways avoided making decision in fear that people would degrade me for them. I have lived my life moment to moment letting life make choices for me and when i have to make a choice, I do what my parents would have done cause that is the right decision. I never picked out a theme to any room in my house, i allways took what people gave me and never got rid of it in fear that they would be angry with me. I know its time to decide what i like and dislike. I have allways eaten all my food because im supose to lol. This maybe kinda hard to break these habits that Straight help make in me. This is going to be exciting, confusing and prolly scary, but I think its time to start finding who I am. I allready stopped eating meat 3 weeks ago lmao. I never buy homes cause what if i buy the wrong one? my towels dont match, i have my parents old ones. I am still using the ugly dishes that were givin to me 5 years ago for Christmas. I am glad, I know my battle with the memories from Straight is over, but now I need to clean up the mess those faggits made. nope, not angry ;) well this is gonna be an adventure. Now maybe I can get some sleep!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Cant sleep again
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2006, 03:32:08 AM »
Good luck with the insomnia, but I've found it helps to rant sometimes, and you laid out a pretty fair one with your post. Sweet dreams!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Cant sleep again
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2006, 11:19:50 PM »
Gah, I understand the living day to day thing. I lived my whole life just trying to get through the day and not making any real decisions.  Not thinking about tomorrow, not planning. Just letting life happen to me, like I have nothing to say about it.  

Being married to an ultra  controlling husband (after avoiding entanglements post program, with few exceptions) with possible borderline, and losing everything --savings, etc-- and having to deal with him for the rest of my life b/c of children, really cured me of this lack of self detemination--but now I am starting from scratch in every respect. And the progress takes time. But it is progress.  And its hard and its a struggle.  And sometimes I feel helpless, but I know I'll feel stronger when I wake up.

Venting, writing, exercise, dietary changes, etc. all help.  And melatonin. (And if you have a good partner, a good exhausting screw.)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Cant sleep again
« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2006, 11:31:05 PM »
Yup
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline starry-eyed pirate

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Cant sleep again
« Reply #4 on: September 11, 2006, 12:10:34 AM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
Gah, I understand the living day to day thing. I lived my whole life just trying to get through the day and not making any real decisions.  Not thinking about tomorrow, not planning. Just letting life happen to me, like I have nothing to say about it.  

Being married to an ultra  controlling husband (after avoiding entanglements post program, with few exceptions) with possible borderline, and losing everything --savings, etc-- and having to deal with him for the rest of my life b/c of children, really cured me of this lack of self detemination--but now I am starting from scratch in every respect. And the progress takes time. But it is progress.  And its hard and its a struggle.  And sometimes I feel helpless, but I know I'll feel stronger when I wake up.

Venting, writing, exercise, dietary changes, etc. all help.  And melatonin. (And if you have a good partner, a good exhausting screw.)


What's your sign...?? And don't tell me the arrow with the heart through it... :rofl: ...ever misbehave ??    :rofl: ... ,bet you look hot in barretts, without make-up, in a generic collared shirt.

 :rofl:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.

Offline starry-eyed pirate

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Cant sleep again
« Reply #5 on: September 11, 2006, 12:18:08 AM »
Gah,

your beauty is real.  Feel free but use discretion...that's my advice...

I love the way you write. ...Real an' sweet...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.

Offline Anonymous

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Cant sleep again
« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2006, 09:19:07 AM »
I get insomnia wicked bad too.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline NAILBOMB

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Cant sleep again
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2006, 07:59:16 AM »
Lay off the methamps  :o
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
bedience,Subservience, leads to Substance..