Anyone doing well???

[Anonymous]

I just started reading this forum about two months ago. I was in a secondary Straight program in Atlanta. The first time I found TheStraights.com  and saw a drawing of a group room chair, I had to take some time and digest that there is an actual website and forum based on my own experiences. I have read tons of the different post and I hate that it seems to be a dumping ground of hatred and curses but I do not know what else people are supposed to say about these "treatment" centers. I have, that I know of, lost three friends and a ridiculous husband that was in there with me. The one I was closest to blew a whole through his head instead of relapsing. The only sense that I was able to make out of his suicide was hearing the graduate staff's words echoing, "You will die if you relapse, You drink a beer and you'll wake up laying in your own vomit, You will DIE!" I think that is what my friend thought about when he decided to shoot himself instead of taking a hit but who knows. Anyway, I guess I am just wondering if anyone who has lived through the Straights are alive and well.

[Antigen]

Yeah, a whole bunch of us alive and enjoying life as much as any human has any right to expect.

[Anne Bonney]

Yep.  'Cept it sucks cause it's raining like all hell right now and I'm supposed to be out playing.


I'm sick of addressing that point though.  If people can't figure out that most of us vent here and aren't miserable in our everyday lives then fuck 'em.  I've got a great life......now.  Took a damn long time to get here but I'm here.  Fornits is the one and only place though that I can talk about the thing that probably effected my life the most due to my dad's fanatical involvement and deep immersion in the philosophy, even to this day.  In my everyday life I'm pretty damn happy, but it's nice to be able to come here where I don't have to explain how I'm feeling.  People just get it.

[Anonymous]

Didn't mean to offend. There is only about 2 or 3 of us out of Phoenix, that I know of, out of about 75, that actually live a productive life. I was just curious if that was how most of the "phasers" ended up.
I was seventeen when I got out. I stayed so involved though with other graduates and even went as far as to go stand in back of group for some of host-sisters graduations. It didn't seem to matter that I had this reoccuring nightmare of the staff keeping me after a graduation. I even went as far as marrying this moron I was in there with. I think the only reason was because I did not feel like I could be part of the normal life. I felt alien compared to anyone who did not understand phases, being aware, cop outs, etc. etc.
I told my father about the forum and all the information I now know about the Staights. He just said he knew about most of the abuse stuff from graduates and their parents but didn't know where else to put me. I think a cheaper more sensable solution would have been to try loving me instead of making me feel unwelcome in my own family.
I even find myself treating my kids like I did my newcomers. I stayed distant and loathed the day staff would make me cover there mouths for cussing and then much to staffs' dismay we would be in a restraint in my own bedroom, on my home. I just wanted out. I can't believe  I bought into any of that. I had thought about sitting until I turned eighteen but after six months I realized that my quickest way out was to "work" the program.
I live for the day that I wake up and feel normal and not like I where some sort of sign that reads "freak".
If anyone is reading this from Phoenix, I am so sorry for anything that I did or said.

[Nonconformistlaw]

I told my father about the forum and all the information I now know about the Staights. He just said he knew about most of the abuse stuff from graduates and their parents but didn't know where else to put me. I think a cheaper more sensable solution would have been to try loving me instead of making me feel unwelcome in my own family.

You father knew about all the abuse and yet KNOWINGLY put you in harms way?!?!  Wow that is fucked up! I agree, being a parent would have been a much more sensable solution.....

[Anonymous]

I am NOT a phaser! LOL..
And I'm doing ok, imo.
~WD

[Dr Fucktard]

I am NOT a phaser! LOL..
And I'm doing ok, imo.
~WD

You'll ~always be a phaser to me! ::rainbow:: :wave:

[Antigen]

I don't think we'll ever wake up one day feeling normal and unfreakish. What happened to us all is part of the uglier side of human behavior. The curtain has been lifted, maybe just a corner of it, maybe just for a brief moment in time. But there ain't no unseein' that shit. And that makes us very different from them others who live in a largely imaginary world where people just don't behave that way.

Some people have frat bros or sorority sisters, others have fellow vets or folks they hung with at a dead show. We have each other. Welcome! Now let's go visit Tim Mantooth and stuff some votive candles up his ass after lighting bong hits with them.

 

[Anonymous]

I don't think we'll ever wake up one day feeling normal and unfreakish.

What a hopeless philosophy!

[teachback]

I don't think we'll ever wake up one day feeling normal and unfreakish.

What a hopeless philosophy!

Yeah, I like to think that I'll be able to put Straight behind me for good someday...is that cool with everyone?

[Anonymous]

Cool with me.  After the meorial service I hope to take a loooooong vacation from these boards, it weirds me out reliving this shit all the time.

[teachback]

Hey (whoever you are) maybe we could get some sort of 'board abstinence pact' together...whaddya think?

[RTP2003]

Yeah, I'm in.  Check your PMs.

[Antigen]

I don't think we'll ever wake up one day feeling normal and unfreakish.

What a hopeless philosophy!

Just a realist. I sometimes envy people who have never had their fond illusions shattered. I tried hard for a number of years to drink enough to induce enough brain damage to join them in their blythe oblivion. Didn't work. So yeah, I gave up hope on that strategey just like I gave up hope on catching a glimpse of Santa Clause as soon as I got old enough to realize he didn't exist.

Onto plan B. Given the fact that most of human social interraction and happy get along is based on a fiction that I can't believe, what do I do? Hang w/ ppl who don't hold those illusions? Try and find something to respect about them others who are immersed in them and learn how to tip toe lightly around their illusions so as not to disturb them? Or just give the fuck up and make peace with knowing that my children and grandchildren will be slaves and chattal cause no mother fucker in my world is willing, consistently, to acknowledge and respond to what's going on?

Some other plan? Anybody? Can I get a 50 gal drum of Fuckitol from WalMart and make it all go down easier?

[Anonymous]

I suggest hard drugs.  Really, they work, but they won't if you keep immersing yourself in Straight survivor stuff, it'd be like picking the scab off a wound.  

I don't have kids, so I don't give a flying fuck about the future of the world or whatever, I mean, I try not to make things worse for anyone, but I'm tired of the bullshit.  I just want to get wasted and forget about it, like that line in the Dylan song, I wanna go somewhere where "no one has to think too much/ about Desolation Row".

Eventually, I want to be on a tropical island surrounded by naked women, but failing that, I'll take an overdose in a cheap hotel room over constantly thinking about Straight all the goddamn time, any day.

The whole "survivor" mentality, although preferable to one of "victim", is still influenced by Straight, I want to move beyond that or die trying, I'm really really tired of the whole thing, and after the memorial service, I intend on taking a long respite from these boards, it weirds me out too much, coming here all the time.