Character First: The Hyde School Way and Why It Works

[Anonymous]

what I find bizarre is this whole truth over harmony concept anyway. Really this is just phychobabble for the idea that you can be as rude as you want and the world wants to hear it and that spilling your guts to anyone who will listen is a good thing.

How does this work in the real world anyway? Does your average employer want to hear that you find him pompous or that you are taking the job for the money because you are a corporate whore? Does your fiance's conservative family who he is close to really wanna know about your previous struggle with alcohol addiction or how you overcame childhood abuse when you first meet them for dinner?

Some of these ideas if practiced in mainstream society would make a person a social outcast. For my money I would rather a kid get an education which focuses on the 3 rs and which emphasises "character" by encouraging community service and a good range of sports and perhaps if you are the old fashioned type emphasises good manners and social confidence.

[Anonymous]

what I find bizarre is this whole truth over harmony concept anyway. Really this is just phychobabble for the idea that you can be as rude as you want and the world wants to hear it and that spilling your guts to anyone who will listen is a good thing.

How does this work in the real world anyway? Does your average employer want to hear that you find him pompous or that you are taking the job for the money because you are a corporate whore? Does your fiance's conservative family who he is close to really wanna know about your previous struggle with alcohol addiction or how you overcame childhood abuse when you first meet them for dinner?

Some of these ideas if practiced in mainstream society would make a person a social outcast. For my money I would rather a kid get an education which focuses on the 3 rs and which emphasises "character" by encouraging community service and a good range of sports and perhaps if you are the old fashioned type emphasises good manners and social confidence.

ALL TOO TRUE.

[Anonymous]

what I find bizarre is this whole truth over harmony concept anyway. Really this is just phychobabble for the idea that you can be as rude as you want and the world wants to hear it and that spilling your guts to anyone who will listen is a good thing.

How does this work in the real world anyway? Does your average employer want to hear that you find him pompous or that you are taking the job for the money because you are a corporate whore? Does your fiance's conservative family who he is close to really wanna know about your previous struggle with alcohol addiction or how you overcame childhood abuse when you first meet them for dinner?

Some of these ideas if practiced in mainstream society would make a person a social outcast. For my money I would rather a kid get an education which focuses on the 3 rs and which emphasises "character" by encouraging community service and a good range of sports and perhaps if you are the old fashioned type emphasises good manners and social confidence.

ALL TOO TRUE.

I completely agree.  All these "programs" are the same.  Hyde calls itself a character based education but Hyde is just like the rest.  I personally believe that it is unhealthy for young kids to hear some of the things Hyde encourages parents to divulge in these seminars.  Any professional psychologist or psychiatrist would agree with this.  Kids do not and should not hear about a mother 's trauma of finding her Mother hanging by a rope in the basement of their home.  They also should not be exposed to hearing experiences of family rape.

This and more is experienced by all family members, no matter how old, when attending family weekends at Hyde.  This is a SICK environment and I feel sorry for any of you who are sucked into this in the name of "character."

[Oz girl]

I have a uqestion on this score. Having visited the Hyde Website, it does not present itself so much a therapeudic as sort of slightly montessoriesque, in that it believes education is more a hands on sort of thing that goes beyond the classroom. it also talks about character education. A lot of private religious schools are also big on character education in that they believe in discussing morality as central to education and they encourage community service

If I were a garden variety parent who briefly glanced at the Hyde site, I would potentially have it on the list. Particularly if i wanted this idea of morality and character but in a secular context or if my kid was not the purely academic type.

Are there many parents who enrol their kid at Hyde on this premise and then find out that there is more to it than meets the eye? Or is a visit to the school enough to make this clear?

[Anonymous]

The postulated ideals are most laudable; certainly that was the clincher in my case.  But before your initial interview is over, you're already sucked in by the insinuation that you are running away from a challenge by not attending, or that (you or) your goals are shallower/more superficial, more materialistic, or more primitive than theirs...

[Anonymous]

The postulated ideals are most laudable; certainly that was the clincher in my case.  But before your initial interview is over, you're already sucked in by the insinuation that you are running away from a challenge by not attending, or that (you or) your goals are shallower/more superficial, more materialistic, or more primitive than theirs...

I could not agree more.  The Hyde ideals are laudable, as you say.  That's what drew me in.  Like you, it seems, within hours I realized that Hyde's laudable goals are so far from reality at the school.  Sadly, many Hyde staff twist these goals in unimaginably destructive ways, mostly to suit their own pathological purposes.  The distance between Hyde's public rhetoric and the lived reality is vast.  What I find so depressing is the stark contrast between the core values, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, the punitive, arrogant, self-serving and destructive ways in which many Hyde staff treat students and parents.  I am sickened by what I've seen in seminars, where staff and alumni parents patronize, insult, and berate students and other parents.  This is particularly compelling when I see a kid who's obviously suffering from some major psychiatric problem get stomped on emotionally because he can't quite get the Hyde mantra.  I think it's criminal that Hyde treats these kids this way; many of these kids shouldn't be at Hyde in the first place.  While some staff are well meaning, the widespread incompetence and downright cruelty I've seen at Hyde has convinced me that Hyde is a terrible environment for a very large percentage of the people there.  I wish I had known more about the school when I enrolled my child.  At this point, Hyde feels like a horrible stain and no bleach well obliterate it.

[Anonymous]

And you are left with the most horrible of all mind-fucks:  "...if you can't make it at Hyde, you'll never make it anywhere..."  (Like a good many of us had any choice in THAT matter, having been kicked out for not displaying enough "commitment" or "leadership qualities" or what ever; and WHO, pray tell, makes THAT qualified assessment?)    ...it has reverberated in me for decades.

[Anonymous]

And you are left with the most horrible of all mind-fucks:  "...if you can't make it at Hyde, you'll never make it anywhere..."  (Like a good many of us had any choice in THAT matter, having been kicked out for not displaying enough "commitment" or "leadership qualities" or what ever; and WHO, pray tell, makes THAT qualified assessment?)    ...it has reverberated in me for decades.

  I can testify to that.  I got the "you are a waste of space on the human landscape" exit interview.  I worked really well for me.  I took it as a challenge.  When I think back to all the crap they were talking about changing the world and where they got with it.... being rejected was a "good thing"   When I think of the guy that did my exit interview,  pacing the stage spouting tripe about committment, revolution, cultural change etc and look at the life he has lead and where he ended up as a mid level functionary in a so so institution  a John lennon song comes to mind:

a pretty face may last a year
or two
but pretty soon they'll see
what you can do
the sound you make is muzak
to my ears
you must have learned
something all those years
how do you sleep?
ah how do you sleep at night?

Comfy in Kennebunk?

[Anonymous]

The postulated ideals are most laudable; certainly that was the clincher in my case.  But before your initial interview is over, you're already sucked in by the insinuation that you are running away from a challenge by not attending, or that (you or) your goals are shallower/more superficial, more materialistic, or more primitive than theirs...

I could not agree more.  The Hyde ideals are laudable, as you say.  That's what drew me in.  Like you, it seems, within hours I realized that Hyde's laudable goals are so far from reality at the school.  Sadly, many Hyde staff twist these goals in unimaginably destructive ways, mostly to suit their own pathological purposes.  The distance between Hyde's public rhetoric and the lived reality is vast.  What I find so depressing is the stark contrast between the core values, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, the punitive, arrogant, self-serving and destructive ways in which many Hyde staff treat students and parents.  I am sickened by what I've seen in seminars, where staff and alumni parents patronize, insult, and berate students and other parents.  This is particularly compelling when I see a kid who's obviously suffering from some major psychiatric problem get stomped on emotionally because he can't quite get the Hyde mantra.  I think it's criminal that Hyde treats these kids this way; many of these kids shouldn't be at Hyde in the first place.  While some staff are well meaning, the widespread incompetence and downright cruelty I've seen at Hyde has convinced me that Hyde is a terrible environment for a very large percentage of the people there.  I wish I had known more about the school when I enrolled my child.  At this point, Hyde feels like a horrible stain and no bleach well obliterate it.

Have you tried Shout?