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Offline chinrse23

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traumatic night
« on: February 05, 2003, 04:11:00 AM »
I had a really bad night.  NO i am not a straight survivor but my husband is. Survivor? hmmm i really dont know if that is a good word for it.  Alive, yes.  That is a good word.

My husband went insane.  He was talking jibberish completely out of his head, yelling out a car window all the way to the emergency room where he was restrained.  He did not have coherent thought and had lost all sense of reality.

How did this happen? All he was trying to do was make himself better.  He had a flood of memories that he could not deal with.

Now i get to deal with the guilt of knowing i put him in an instution that will try to help him, but will never really understand him.  

I pray that he can forgive me for what i have done and for not helping him sooner.

I pray that he knows i still love him and that i will always be there for him.  

I pray that he understands that i tried to help him as best i could and that i could do no more without the help of others.

I pray that his parents will some day come to grips with what is going on with there son (they didnt even come to the hospital).

and i pray that he will get better and be able to be with me again.

im willing to try praying even though i am an atheist
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Offline JDavid

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traumatic night
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2003, 04:26:00 AM »
What was he doing?  I hope he didn't get committed to an asylum just for jibberish & yelling.
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Offline chinrse23

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traumatic night
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2003, 04:36:00 AM »
I guess it was the fact he hadnt slept in six days, got combatative with the staff at the hospital, and was talking in rhymes about about how he would accept all the blame for everyone.  It took a lot just to knock him out enough to make any sense at all. everyone asked me how i had even gotten him there.  Oh there were also no drugs in his system at the time.

[ This Message was edited by: chinrse157 on 2003-02-05 01:37 ]
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Offline JDavid

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traumatic night
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2003, 04:48:00 AM »
How long was he in Straight?  How long ago did he get out?  Do you think it's connected to Straight?

David
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Offline chinrse23

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traumatic night
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2003, 05:21:00 AM »
He was in straight/phoenix for 18 months.  For the past two weeks that is all he has talked about, thought about, and relived over and over and over again.  He just couldnt live with it anymore.  He couldnt live with what he saw, did and felt there.  He couldnt live with the things he did and the things that he didnt prevent when he was there.  He couldnt live with the guilt of being let out (he graduated) and not going back and rescuing the people who were still there.  He lost his identity.  He is a great guy, very moral and extremely intellegint, but what he saw and did was immoral.  This was just to much of burden for him.
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Offline chinrse23

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traumatic night
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2003, 05:22:00 AM »
im sorry i misread your question he was in the atlanta straight/phoenix institute 92-94
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Offline marika708

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traumatic night
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2003, 09:28:00 AM »
I am so sorry to hear what happened to your husband, I can certainly understand how he is feeling, I know there are alot of us who have come very close to doing exactly what he did.  Please keep us posted on how he is doing, I am not big on doctors but I hope you have some good ones helping him.  Take care,

Marika

I would rather be exposed to the inconveniencies attending too much
liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.

--Thomas Jefferson, 1791, in a letter to Archibald Stuart

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arika
Atlanta \'83-\'84

Offline Anonymous

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traumatic night
« Reply #7 on: February 05, 2003, 09:51:00 AM »
I understand.  My heart and thoughts are with you. I have every faith in the world that he will be able to live as the intelligent, wonderful man you married very soon.  I won't pretend to know what the medical side of all this is...but if I were asked, I would say this is part of a cleansing process he is going through...getting rid of all the debree and dust left over from that horrible place and those horrible people.  He'll come out of this stronger, better, and finally free.  You are a strong woman, I can tell.  I am so glad he has you.
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Offline Shelby

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traumatic night
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2003, 10:22:00 AM »
I'm certainly hoping for the best for you and your husband. He's getting care now but don't forget about yourself. I was in the program, and I'm married to someone who was in it as well. Please feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to.

Shelby  

yahoo messenger  allathome8

AOL messenger   allathome

email  allathome@aol.com - email me and I'd be happy to send you my phone number
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Offline JDavid

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traumatic night
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2003, 12:55:00 PM »
It sounds like it's all Straight's fault so far.  That seems like a very severe reaction, 10 years later.  The only thing worse would be like the suicides of ex-Straight clients that we hear about.  I sure hope it doesn't reach that point.

Maybe his spell really is a cleansing of some sort.  If that is so, then it's a temporary thing.  Hopefully the doctors will not screw up its temporary state by drugging him or exposing him to even more mental abuse.

Has he done any recreational/hard drug use since 92-94?  If so, has it been rare or habitual drug use?

David


[ This Message was edited by: JDavid on 2003-02-05 09:58 ]
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Offline Antigen

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traumatic night
« Reply #10 on: February 05, 2003, 02:08:00 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear about this. From all I've read, 6 days without sleep is enough to do some serious psyche damage all by itself. Getting some sleep, even drugged sleep, will probably help a whole lot.

As far as his forgiving you or blaming you, I can't tell. I don't know either of you at all. You know you're doing the best that you can, though. Just don't let the medical/psyche people intimidate you or manipulate you with guilt or anything. I bet things will be a whole lot more clear after your husband has had some sleep.

Give to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself - that is my doctrine.

--Thomas Paine

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"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
~ Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Sweet Judy Blue Eyes

Offline chinrse23

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traumatic night
« Reply #11 on: February 05, 2003, 04:32:00 PM »
I wont say that all of his issues were from straight, but a great deal of them were.  Some problems deal with his family which is in great denial of the situation.  His mother just wrote me an email explaining what a wonderful place that was for her son.  Its really funny too because she even says that he really had problems when he got out in the same paragraph that she calls him a model student.

Everything he tells me about the place is the same old stuff you hear from everyone.  

I sent her and email with a number and a name of the parent hopefully she will give them a call.
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Offline chinrse23

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traumatic night
« Reply #12 on: February 05, 2003, 04:34:00 PM »
I did see him today. He is aware of who he is at least and he knows where he is at.  They did have him pretty drugged, but he needed it this time.  If he did not get drugged, suicide would not have been an option.  He would have died from stress, exhaustion, and dehydration.

On a good note he does not blame and was very happy to see me.  He thought that i was never coming back. I couldnt believe it.  If only i could have seen him last night.

[ This Message was edited by: chinrse157 on 2003-02-05 13:36 ]
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Offline Tampa survivor

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traumatic night
« Reply #13 on: February 05, 2003, 08:44:00 PM »
I am sorry that your husband is having this trouble right now. Temporary breaks from reality are not uncommon when severe stress occurs and the person is having trouble coping with it all.  Did he just start digging into his Str8 memories, or just found this stuff online?
That was the hardest for me...the first month after I found out this board and others were online, and I had suppressed memories from 20 years ago surface.
Please do not question your decision to get him help.  It sounds like you did the right thing to me.
Some here put down doctors and mental health professionals.
IGNORE THAT CRAP.  Your husband will thank you someday, and just being there for him is the best thing you can do.
I would rather cool out in a hospital temporarily than become another suicide statistic to be posted on the straight sites.
Feel free to IM me at AIM name " bikernurseguy" if you want to chat.
Bill
St Pete & Atlanta
12/80-12/82
Bill
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Bill H
St Pete & Atlanta, never surrendered!
12/80-12/82

Offline chinrse23

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traumatic night
« Reply #14 on: February 05, 2003, 08:57:00 PM »
You all have been very helpful thank you so much for your compassion.  It has really helped me through this at time when I really didnt know what to do.  I had know idea that there were so many caring people out there. Thank you again
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