The Program

[Anonymous]

Hello Lifers,
    I think that I am the one person that spent the longest time in the program and one of the only people to 7 step twice!  I was court ordered to the program in Dec. 84 and 7 stepped about a year and an half later.  I then was returned to the program sometime about a year or so later and spent another year and an half in that place. I was part of the program from 84-89.  From the time that I was 14 till I was of legal age 18. I was a child of H.R.S. and never went home once I was placed in Life.  I stayed in different foster homes/families of the program for four years.  I never stayed longer than a year at one place and most of the time less than that.  I went to something like 7 different high schools at that time.  I was suppose to have an H.R.S. worker come and visit me every month but no one showed up for over a year and a half.  I was staying at one foster home of a 7 stepper that had gone back to using.  I had not but, a new H.R.S. worker came to the house and told me that I was going to have to move from where I was staying.  I was put back into the program because they (H.R.S./Life) said that they suspected me of using because of my bad attitude.  The only thing that I had done wrong at that time was listen to Rock music... ya know like Ozzy! Now Ozzy is a family TV show? I didn't even smoke a cigarette!  So back to 1st phase and all of that shit over again.  I knew that I was stuck until I was 18.  My new H.R.S. worker would come ever month and tell me that I was going to make the next phase before I did.  The program had said that they had saved money for me for when I turned 18 (over $2,000). Since I had to have another program that "money" was used for my new program.  The program received something like $600 a month for me to be there from the state.  Since H.R.S. and the program had pretty much had me lost in the system this was the answer for the new H.R.S. worker!  That is the biggest thing that pissed me off about the situation.  I also remember that at one foster home the father had made sexual advances to me and that was way creepy!  When I had 7 stepped the first time I kept having to move because the children of the foster homes kept screwing up!  I never was abused but I remember that alot of times the guys at different homes were doing gay shit with each other. I think that one thing that really affected me was I had no Idea how to act around other people my age.  Most of my teenage years were in the program were I wasn't allowed to do anything!  I think that some of the program was good for me.  I mean I was pretty strung out on drugs and whatever I could get my hands on.  I was smoking pot, coke, acid, pills, and whatever else at the ripe age of 12.  I think that I had more problems with family than with drugs.  I spent about 3hrs. reading post today and wonder how some of you guys can keep writing about something that happened so long ago.  If you guys hated the program that much think about how it must have sucked for me.  Oh I was in the program for 3 months BOOWHOO get over it! I never saw anyone get abused there.  I saw people that got restrained and I am sure that some people cranked on peoples arms and legs but, I was there for 4yrs. and I don't know of one person that had any broken bones or what not.  I do remember one time that I had a really bad asthma attack and they didn't do anything for me at the foster home but call the nurse and she said that I was faking it.  I thought that I was going to die!!  When I got to the program "Sammy" the staff member gave me someone else?s inhaler so that I could fucking breathe.  Ok so, true there was some neglect.  I do still think of the 7 steps and see if I still remember them, Which I do but I can't seem to be able to say the pledge of allegiance or sing the national anthem.  The one and only thing that makes me think of the program now are these fucking nightmares that I have had for almost 20yrs that I have been put back into the program and I can't get out.  Then I remember that I am over 18 and I sign myself out or wake up.  Oh well that is my take on the program.  I try and explain it to people now days and they just can't seem to imagine it.  Well I am sure that by now you know who I am.  I will check back and see what you fellow lifers have to say ...  

later

[Helena Handbasket]

Mmmkay... you spend your entire adolescence cloistered in that cult, you still have nightmares after 20 years, but you bash those who spent a shorter time, but still have the same nightmares and suffered the same neglect?

You're not making a lotta sense with that one.

So did you finally become a full fledged human after LIFE?  Were you able form friendships, talk outside of group, get a job..etc etc??

[Anonymous]

I don't think I would call it bashing?  But, if you only spent a month or two in the program I don't think you were scared.  Yeah, I am fine now.  I have a good job and a 10month old son and a beautiful wife with many friends.  I am kinda of curious aboutt you though?  I see that you are the main poster on this forum and you were the first to reply to my message.  Are you ok with yourself?  I mean it seems to me that you must post on this board everyday?  Couldn't you find something better to do than bring up bad memories from the past?  Don't take this in the wrong way.  I am not trying to be mean or hurtful just curious.  I really was trying to see if I could find any old friends when I went to this fourm, but I guess after reading so much crying about how bad it was I wanted to complain like everyone else.
Later

[Helena Handbasket]

I don't think I would call it bashing?  But, if you only spent a month or two in the program I don't think you were scared.  Yeah, I am fine now.  I have a good job and a 10month old son and a beautiful wife with many friends.  I am kinda of curious aboutt you though?  I see that you are the main poster on this forum and you were the first to reply to my message.  Are you ok with yourself?  I mean it seems to me that you must post on this board everyday?  Couldn't you find something better to do than bring up bad memories from the past?  Don't take this in the wrong way.  I am not trying to be mean or hurtful just curious.  I really was trying to see if I could find any old friends when I went to this fourm, but I guess after reading so much crying about how bad it was I wanted to complain like everyone else.
Later

You don't think I was scared?  Why not?  I was only 14, and if you've read my posts, you read about the nature of my incarceration.  I agree, a 4 year mindfuck is worse then a 3 month mindfuck - but it's still a mindfuck.

And actually, no, I don't post here every day, in fact I can't remember my last post.  I have lots of things to do, but right now, I just happen to be sitting at my computer, on this particular board as someone mentioned to me last evening "You should check out Joe's post"... so I did, and here I am.   I'm also a Firefox user, which means I have about 3 other windows going.  Oh, and I just talked to a friend of mine on the phone.

I also noticed your post was quite quick as well.

And again, if you've read all my posts, there's one in there about how my life has been going, however some things are different: my house is bigger, my job is busier and and my boyfriend is uh... different.  I'm not married anymore, and I consider it a blessing NOT to have children - especially by the loser I married.  Hey, we all make mistakes.

I only asked about your adjustment to the outside world since you had no childhood.  Neither did I, but I made a quick adjustment.  I ran about 10 years behind in the academic milestones department, but I have no regrets - I think I enjoyed college much more than my 18 year old counterparts

[xvipah]

I don't remember anyone who was in LIFE for that long, but if I was there at the same time as you it was right at the end of your time, because I went in in the spring of '89(I think, I always get confused on if it was '89 or '88 )

[Anne Bonney]

No one was abused but kids were thrown to the floor and "restrained" by other kids?  Not abusive but you were put back in for having  "bad attitude"?  Not abusive but your athsma attack was ignored?  Not abusive but you have had nightmares for 20 years?

Helena!  Glad to see ya around.  Haven't been here myself for a while, I see you've been busy too.  YIM at me when you get a chance. :wave:

[Anonymous]

No one was abused but kids were thrown to the floor and "restrained" by other kids?  Not abusive but you were put back in for having  "bad attitude"?  Not abusive but your athsma attack was ignored?  Not abusive but you have had nightmares for 20 years?

Helena!  Glad to see ya around.  Haven't been here myself for a while, I see you've been busy too.  YIM at me when you get a chance. :wave:

I was denied treatment by that coke bottle glasses nurse/program parent.
I had a lesion on my foot that finally caused a big blood stain to soak through my cloth tenniss shoe.Nobody cared about this for at least a week,and one day after that nurse saw my bloody shoe,I was TERMINATED from the program.

[TimeBomb]

I was denied treatment by that coke bottle glasses nurse/program parent.
I had a lesion on my foot that finally caused a big blood stain to soak through my cloth tenniss shoe.Nobody cared about this for at least a week,and one day after that nurse saw my bloody shoe,I was TERMINATED from the program.

Was that Nurse Waymire, or a different one?

[Anonymous]

,I was TERMINATED from the program.

Lucky you.

[Anonymous]

I was denied treatment by that coke bottle glasses nurse/program parent.
I had a lesion on my foot that finally caused a big blood stain to soak through my cloth tenniss shoe.Nobody cared about this for at least a week,and one day after that nurse saw my bloody shoe,I was TERMINATED from the program.

Was that Nurse Waymire, or a different one?

She was ugly and had THICK glasses,thicker than Miss Petes.
She had two druggiewhore daughters on staff in the program,one of them had  crusty skin in the crease between her bottom lip and chin.Real nasty looking girl.
The nurse also worked at Venice Hospital.

[Anonymous]

hmmm...  I bet I know you but I can't think of someone who was with HRS.  I was there in 85, 86.

  Willing to share a first name?

 Steve

[Helena Handbasket]

I was denied treatment by that coke bottle glasses nurse/program parent.
I had a lesion on my foot that finally caused a big blood stain to soak through my cloth tenniss shoe.Nobody cared about this for at least a week,and one day after that nurse saw my bloody shoe,I was TERMINATED from the program.

Was that Nurse Waymire, or a different one?

She was ugly and had THICK glasses,thicker than Miss Petes.
She had two druggiewhore daughters on staff in the program,one of them had  crusty skin in the crease between her bottom lip and chin.Real nasty looking girl.
The nurse also worked at Venice Hospital.

Actually there was a Pam Boyd there between "Guests" and TB's tenures.  She was the only human being I encountered during my stay.

[Anonymous]

hmmm...  I bet I know you but I can't think of someone who was with HRS.  I was there in 85, 86.

  Willing to share a first name?

 Steve

I was the first male victim to enter the newly opened LIFE Program,before they moved in to the "new" building across the street.Way before you.You are lucky I never placed the bomb in the building during your stay.I still want to firebomb that building today.

[Anonymous]

but didn't you say you ended up being there for years?

[Anonymous]

but didn't you say you ended up being there for years?

No.I was not there for very long.
I refused to submit to their torture.
I was terminated.
Now I am The Terminator,
but they dont list their addresses,so you cant find em.