More bullshit advice from ST

[Anonymous]

Are all these people this fucking pompous, ignorant and arrogant?




http://www.strugglingteens.org/cgi-bin/ ... 2;t=001246

Dear Sallie,
You seem confident this was the best way to address your son and family's problems. I do not agree with how you are handling the situation. Even if he had a year in TBS and a stint in wilderness, he might have needed to be out of your home and the community until he was older and finished HS. I found the year from 17-18 the most productive and the most growth in that year for my daughter in the TBS.

I felt my moral duty and responsibility as a parent was to make sure my kid had adult oversight at a TBS until she turned 18 and finished high school (that took more then two years out of the house and community). Setting your son loose to the world at 17 and letting other parents and his underage friends watch over your child does not seem responsible or a likely path to sobriety for your son. I wish you luck and that you actually have the outcome you expect from the decision to set your underage child free of parental oversight.

Why didn't you choose to send him to some type of boarding school unitl he turned 18 and for the last year of HS?

Mose

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

This, class, would be called projection.

[Troll Control]

I felt my moral duty and responsibility as a parent was to make sure my kid had adult oversight at a TBS until she turned 18...

Boy, this sure says a lot, doesn't it?  [i/i]This[/i] is now an accepted view of parental responsibility?  SCARY!

[Troll Control]

I felt my moral duty and responsibility as a parent was to make sure my kid had adult oversight at a TBS until she turned 18...

Boy, this sure says a lot, doesn't it?  This is now an accepted view of parental responsibility?  SCARY!

Messed up the italics.  THIS is how it should read!  But, yeah, this is a scary, scary thought...

[Anonymous]

You all missed the part where she recommended an "emotional growth" school in Costa Rica. Dundee Ranch? Or are there other torture camps in Costa Rica that I'm not aware of?

That's just beautiful! This poor kid is about to celebrate his 18th birthday and mom is getting advice to ship him off to Costa Rica for one last hurrah of abuse before he can legally tell his parents to fuck off and then decide never to speak to them again.

[Anonymous]

Here it is, from a parent who has more "worst useless advice" than common sense. She call herself "mose," which I think must be an acronym for "Moron Of Staggering Ego" :

"What does your gut tell you to do?
I and so many of us on this forum have gotten some of the worst useless advice from our childrens local therapists(I'm a person who adores therapy and therapists, I just think local ones for kids like ours are not helpful enough in supporting out of the community placements and drug rehab) so I would take what they say with a grain of salt. His old TBS might not be able to facilitate helping him anymore so they do not know what else to say.
I also had a runner like Abbey so I can understand when a kid disappears and there are not as many options. That's why i did the two year until HS was over. Your son sounds so willing but might need a better place then home to finish growing up, a safe place he can learn to be a man.

He sounds imature, but willing on some level to receive help, have you considered that you can have influence if you have the financial ability to continue facilitating a boarding program for him. I've read about some interesting emotional growth programs in the USA and in Costa Rica that are not punitive and very safe places for kids his age where he can finish HS and/or start college classes."

[Troll Control]

these poor, poor program parents.  just how will they cope with their sadness?  of course, karen weighs in to tell the parent what to do.

"i screwed my kid out of a college education and a normal life - feel sorry for ME!" :cry2:

 :roll: what a fucking jerk!


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heleneb
Member
Member # 4818

  posted April 09, 2006 03:09 PM                        
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I attended a seminar today given by an EC in our city. I feel very sad because my son is away at his TBS, and the parents of my son's friends were there.
The seminar was aimed at parents of current juniors (some of the kids were there as well) and how, when..to apply to colleges for fall 2007.
Our issue is that we have planned for our son who just finished 11th grade(at TBS), to finish his senior year at his TBS and will graduate (academically) the end of August. He has not taken SAT's or ACT's but will have taken both within the month. In short, it is way too late to apply for this fall to college.
The plan is for him to take a few classes at a local community college and get a part-time job. He will need to look into programs, visit colleges etc.. as soon as he comes home in the fall.
My question is how do colleges look at the kids who spent 2 years in a regular public high school and 2 years at a TBS? I feel that he is not a "normal" college applicant. I sat there at this meeting this morning feeling much like I did when I saw all of my son's friends driving, going to the prom etc.. that how is my son going to be part of their world when he comes back home? (these are the "good" kids)
Part of me feels that I made a horrible mistake in sending him to WC/TBS. He was smoking pot on a daily basis and we felt that he needed to go to these programs to find out why he was self-medicating. The TBS is addressing those issues now. I know in my heart that we did the right thing, but now, as we look to his future life (post TBS) I am not sure where he fits in anymore. I certainly don't fit in anymore with the parents at that meeting (talking about early decision, AP and honor's courses etc). It has saddened me that I feel lost and that if I am feeling this way, how is my son going to feel when he comes home? Any suggestions from parents ahead of me? Thanks. Helene
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Posts: 167 | From: PA | Registered: Jun 2005  |  Logged: 68.162.166.87 |  
 
RandomWalk
Member
Member # 3697

  posted April 09, 2006 04:37 PM                        
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It does change things, but it is still very possible to go to a good college and have a wonderful experience. My son's former TBS also graduated classes in August and December (also May). The August/December kids frequently delayed their college starts. It IS possible to get a January admission to some schools- especially state schools, so don't overlook that option. Other kids do a term or two at community college and then move to a 4 year college. Your TBS should be working with you on this. My son's TBS had fairly strong academics and worked with the kids on recommendations, transcripts etc. You will need to arrange for all this with the TBS. You might also consider a PG (postgrad) year at a regular boarding school. This would allow your son to make friends and go through the college application process with a group of peers.
Our son left his TBS early for this very reason. He was due to finish the TBS with 1 semester left in senior year. He did NOT want to stay longer, and he needed some other academic and athletic opportunities. He wound up doing a repeat junior year and a senior year at a prep boarding school, and received acceptances to some great colleges. He will be attending UPenn next fall. He did have some explanations to attach on his applications. He had to explain some suspensions and an expulsion from his school prior to TBS. Believe it or not, many college admissions reps look favorably on kids with a good record at a TBS. They have addressed their issues and moved on.
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Posts: 570 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  Logged: 70.251.113.242 |  

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tell us again, karen, how your son DIDN'T repeat a grade.  you tell so many stories you can't even keep 'em straight.

[Anonymous]

She never said he didn't repeat a grade.  She said he didn't flunk a grade. Many kids repeat a year to start a prep school, especially since it is not advisable to start as a senior.  Is this concept too much for your stupid pea brain to handle?  Get it- DIDNT FLUNK. VOLUNTARILY DID A SECOND YEAR.
And the point of bringing back posts from April is???
No, I am not Karen.

[Oz girl]

I note a lot of strggling teens parents claim they don't trust the advice of trained local therapists. i think it is because the therapist may often advise that sending a troubled kid into isolation from their comminuty is a BAD idea!
What i dont get is that they will question this but be far more passive about the advice of an Ed con who may be getting kickbacks from a gulag in a largely unregulated industry & who has no provable independence whatsoever.
perhaps in some cases, it is not about helping the kid but letting someone else deal with a child who is a pain in the arse!

[Anonymous]

I note a lot of strggling teens parents claim they don't trust the advice of trained local therapists. i think it is because the therapist may often advise that sending a troubled kid into isolation from their comminuty is a BAD idea!
What i dont get is that they will question this but be far more passive about the advice of an Ed con who may be getting kickbacks from a gulag in a largely unregulated industry & who has no provable independence whatsoever.
perhaps in some cases, it is not about helping the kid but letting someone else deal with a child who is a pain in the arse!

I think you nailed it. Good therapists know that these programs are not helpful and are often harmful. Good therapists also know that there are no sure bets, no guarantees. Some parents desperately want to believe the EdCon or the program marketers who tell them "we can fix your kid for you." It's like they want to be lied to, because they want to get the kid out of the house, out of their lives for awhile, and they want someone to reassure them that somehow this will be good for their kid.

The programs don't exist to help the kids, they exist to help the parents.

[Anonymous]

I note a lot of strggling teens parents claim they don't trust the advice of trained local therapists. i think it is because the therapist may often advise that sending a troubled kid into isolation from their comminuty is a BAD idea!
What i dont get is that they will question this but be far more passive about the advice of an Ed con who may be getting kickbacks from a gulag in a largely unregulated industry & who has no provable independence whatsoever.
perhaps in some cases, it is not about helping the kid but letting someone else deal with a child who is a pain in the arse!

Actually, that's not it.  The problem with most therapists is that they lack adequate competence with the issues being presented ... period.  Certainly that is too often the case.  Session after session of "how do you feel about that", "what did you do about it", and back to "how do you feel about that" without advice doesn't help someone get a grip on today.  

It is a minority of therapists who understand the range of alternatives, including different therapeutic approaches they could take.  Those different approaches might start with involving the whole family in communication sessions - although sometimes the therapists themselves have their own communicatioin issues, so would be a poor teacher of others.

The other matter is that for a therapist to advise "sending the kid away" is tantamount to admitting they can't get important change to come about - they "failed".  So ego keeps them from recommending what can be very useful things (tho you wouldn't agree; another issue).  Of course, often they know nothing about such schools/programs anyway, so it isn't even a matter of the local therapist thinking something a bad idea so much as not even knowing.

[Anonymous]

That was pathetic. Try again.

[Nihilanthic]

I just have ONE question:

When the fuck do these people thnk that a kid DOES NOT need a program and can grow up fine at home without all this bullshit?

[Deborah]

Dunno. But one will be 'round d'rectly to correct your spelling errors and chastise you for using foul language.