***If abuse is common at HLA, why wouldn't there be lots of accounts of this, on this site, the newspapers, and elsewhere?
Good question. ?Abuses? don?t make the news unless there is a death, and many programs have successfully kept deaths out of the media.
***Kids are forever on the web nowadays -- , etc. There should be lots of testimony of abuse at HLA if such is the case.
Read here and MySpace. If you don?t read abuse, it?s because you condone it.
***I looked into HLA for my kid, and talked to the parent of an alumni. He said this site blew everything out of proportion. He said his child is home now, and never saw or heard of abuse during his stay there of nearly 2 years. Now what possible motivation would this child have to lie and not tell his dad about abuse?
The ?motivation? not to talk about abuses stems from months/years of conditioning. From day one communication is monitored. Negative comments- labeled manipulation- about the program are swiftly and harshly punished. Parents are conditioned to report this to the program so they can ?handle it?. It is clear in a very short time that the program is the ultimate authority in the child?s life. Two years of this and the child stops talking to the parent at all, except for surface conversation. In fact, all that?s allowed is reports on how they?re ?working their program?. They?re told that their parent condones the methods employed by the program, and assume as much based on their parents compliance. In fact, parents know nothing of what?s happening on a day-to-day basis. They trust the program. Given the nature of the conditioning, the question should be, what ?would? motivate them to voice complaints and risk punishment? As for post-program? My ex, still knows nothing about what really went on, because my son knows he bought the program hook-line-and-sinker. Part of the conditioning is that the child learns to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves- not to bother their parent with their ?manipulation?. Why ?would? they attempt to speak of such things with someone who abdicated responsibility for their well being to a program, and took the word of the program over their own child?
A question every parent should ask- how can these ?programs? sever contact with parents when it?s forbidden even in psychiatric hospitals without showing proof that the relationship is detrimental to the child? In fact, it serves one purpose- to lower attrition.
***It seems way more likely that those who claim routine abuse at HLA are just ies with an axe to grind.
What seems more likely is that you haven?t read this forum or MySpace, and if you have, then you condone the methods.
***I had a son at a different boarding school. Believe me, he would have been glad to list abuses. Kids would love to do so. So if you've any real doubts, the reasonable thing is to contact an alum and ask.
Which boarding school? Why didn?t you select HLA? Kids will list abuses to anyone they feel are genuinely interested. There may be some confusion, post-program, regarding what is and isn?t abuse. When you?ve lived with abuse for two years, and have been told that it?s ?therapy?, reality tends to become skewed. There are many accounts at this site of people who have not confronted their parents or attempted to tell them what happened for years, decades, after the experience. There?s a reason. Trust was not built, what little trust was there prior to the program was destroyed. The parent receives back a stepford child who ?acts? as they have been conditioned to.
***The conspiracy theorists at this sight might plausibly explain that kids while there are afraid to speak up because the staff might retaliate.
You spoke to the ?parent? of one alum and placed your child in a different program, yet you feel qualified to categorize the painful, degrading, humiliating accounts that are shared here as ?conspiracy?? You will not be taken very seriously. A parent who is considering any program should have a firm understanding of the methods and techniques and have an independent third party evaluate them. The professionals I consulted with were appalled.
***But 1) parents visit the place 5 times a year or so. Any parent can see fear in their kid's eyes if abuse were happening, and 2) again, ask people that have exited the program.
A parent may see the fear in their child?s eyes but discount it as ?manipulation? as the program has conditioned them to do. My ex had no reaction to our son?s change in appearance and demeanor at the first visit. He was like a cowling dog that had been beaten. Terrified of making a mistake. Jumpy. Spilled his drink at dinner and lost his appetite. Couldn?t make eye contact with people. Declined to input an opinion of how we spent our time. Sick the entire visit from having been on restriction for the majority of the previous three months which included inadequate calories and variety of foods. That is not a sign of any useful ?therapy? that I am aware of. Those things didn?t even register on his father?s radar. He was genuinely too ignorant to evaluate the signs, and I doubt that my son shared much at all with him. He placed full trust in the ?professionals? at the program and my son knew that. I can imagine, that for the parent who wants a child who will ?be seen but not heard?, those signs could appear to be signs of progress. I saw them as a tearing down of a once confident, assertive child and rendering a scared, confused, insecure child.
***Just because this organization works with kids, can a perfect track record be expected? That is other-worldly thinking.
This goes beyond ?shortcomings?. These programs are flawed by design. You are not going to build trust with your child by abdicating responsibility to strangers who do not have a vested interest in your child?s well being; by placing your child thousands of miles away from home and severing their contact with family and the outside world. This has never been true of institutions and never will be because the parents are not involved in the process. They know this, hence the strong urging for post-program placement in a boarding school, selected from their list. Making such a placement keeps parent and child separated, ensuring the illusion that the program ?worked? continues. No post-program placement voids the guarantee.
***Lots of sports teams, skilled counselors who care, and a sober lifestyle. Very few boarding offer that -- I have looked.
What do you base these comments on? Skilled counselors who care? This one parent of an alum ?knew? this about all previous and present counselors? Are you speculating, espousing wishful thinking?
***Believing the massive coverup theory at HLA is like believing that the lunar landing was a hoax. Too many independent people involved to cover up the truth
Wrong. This industry has been around for 30+ years, operating pretty much the same. One must understand the dynamics of the conditioning to understand why it is only recently that the truth has become public, largely due to the internet and forums such as Fornits.
What is to be expected of a "college prep" program? Every kid that has spoken to this issues claims to have come out ill prepared to return to high school. My son was 5 credits behind his peers and was an A/B student going in.
I don't consider 'graduating' to constitute 'success'. Of the 18 kids in my son's PG, less than half completed the program, including my son.
