my 2nd escape attempt

[kpickle39]

2nd escape attempt; approximate date was January 20, 1979......

ok, it's afternoon rap,  Maybe 3 in the afternoon  I have been doing my best to not pay attention on and off now for about 25 days.  I had been sleeping on the terrazo floor at my oldcomers house now for a week or so and my body had not become accustomed to the floor as I was only allowed a sheet to cover myself and put between the floor and body.  I was frikkin tired, angry and figured I had to try and get the hell out.   I know (as we all did from experience), this was probably the hardest rap to stay awake. (at least for me it was)   I had been put back on the 2nd row because I was 1) "not a good example to other newcomers" (according to staff) and 2) people on 2nd and 3rd phase could fuck with me to keep me awake adn to remind me to pay attention.   I was sitting approx 4 people from the end on the north side of the Morgan Yacht building.   The big roll-up doors were open to let in some cool air.   I had been fantising about jumping onto the back of the many big delivery trucks that would drive by the building.   At a low point in the rap, while some kid was confessing crap about his past, I knew it was the time to make my break.   I jumped up and tried to leap from my chair to the last seat where I was sure I could break thru the slight, pimple faced wimpy 5th phaser.  I clearly misjudged the distance from my chair to the end of the row, cause I didn't make it even to the last chair.   I landed pretty much layed out in the prone position.   I jumped up, but by that time, I had been grabbed by a couple of guys and we landed out on the concrete floor with the 2 of them on top of me.  I remember my head bouncing off the floor on my first escape attempt, so I quickly just curled up in a ball to try and lessen the impact of my body and head hitting the floor.   I struggled mainly cause I was so pissed that I didn't make it to the doors. I started yelling at the top of my lungs.   Almost immediately I was rolled over on my back and sat on again.   This time I did not struggle and was still held down until just before supper.  I did not struggle at all for what I have estimated to be almost 1.5 hours.  When those fuckers finally quit sitting on me I could hardly stand.  I remember trying to get up and just kind of collapsing back onto my side.  I was snatched up and literally slammed back down into a chair this time in the middle of the group on row 3.  I remember getting my food.  We had some kind of shit sandwich that I could not possibly eat adn I just threw it on the ground.  I quickly chugged my watery instant milk so I wouldn't have that taken from me.  Later that night, I went balistic in my chair from people telling me to "get out of your head" and "pay attention".  This time I was restrained in my chair.  This is how it went...  I was sitting in my chair with my head down.  The guy next to me pokes me in the arm and points to the speaker "pay attention" he mouths.  I put my head in my hands.  The guy on the other side of me pushes my hand out from underneath my chin so I shove him back.  I am then grabbed by both arms and leg locks on both of my legs, I sat there and tried not to struggle.  I just hung my head.  The stupid fuck behind me grabs my head and tries to make me look at the person talking.  THAT WAS IT!   I began to struggle, spit and curse.  I can't believe that I am in this place...I was 18 for god's sake and they would not let me leave!   The guy behind me pulls on my head back till I'm looking up at the ceiling, both my arms and legs are restrained.  I can't even move.   I remember crying and the asshole holding my head back whispers in my ear "love you Mike"      

Babylon in all its desolation is a sight not so awful as that of the human mind in ruins.
-- Scrope Davies: Letter to Thomas Raikes, May 25, 1835.

[Tampa survivor]

The descriptive  of the process you went through to get from simply not paying attention to being sat on was such a bunch of bullshit.  I hated that shit.  One minute I was simply doing a Rush song in my head, then the cascade of power perv 2nd phasers poking, whispering and grabbing the face to turn you toward some moron belching forth about something that probably never happened anyway in order to make a phase, or talk or whatever.
"Yeah, I screwed the neighbors cat, can I get T&R this weekend."
Well, no wonder I was singing "Working Man" and trying to ignore it all.
So now, after falling asleep or whatever, you have been transformed into a "JERK" or a "MISBEHAVIOR" or whatever, just because someone crawled into your personal space and you did not like it.  Well...what did they expect?  I mean, come up to me today and grab my face and turn me towards a speaker I am not interested in and you will get, gee real surprise here, a 205 pound man pounding you.  
I wonder why that crap was thought to be theraputic?  Staff loved that crap.  
I remember being stood up so many times, and being asked why are you fighting?  Well, see this ASSHOLE jabbed me in the back, and I told him to quit.  Then somebody put thier hand over my mouth.  It went downhill from there Mr Compassionate staffer. Oh we are sorry, everyone keep your hands off him...
NOT A CHANCE.
GO FIGURE.
Lovely way to induce change.  You shall comply or we shall force you.
No wonder I take relatively little shit from anybody anymore.  
Bill
St Pete & Atlanta
12/80-12/82

[Froderik]

No wonder I take relatively little shit from anybody anymore

That right there says it for me...how can anyone go through str8 (even if they didn't 'misbehave') and come out without being affected in some negative way?  ::

[ This Message was edited by: AlexL on 2003-01-19 21:13 ]

[85 Day Jerk]

It was a pretty warm winter that year as I recall.

I was still on third phase and going to Dixie.  My hell home had Terazzo floors, yet I never had any newcomers sleep on them unless they wanted to.

As stated before, this was not my home, but the home of my stepbrothers.  If Michaelberry Finn made you sleep on the floor, I am really sorry about that, but the only way I could have changed things was to kill the sumbitch.  I was pretty much a Straightling Zombie by this time in my program.  Spending all damn summer in Milton Roy in constant thirst for 98 days and then another 63 in Milton Roy with nothing to do but listen to the desparate confessions of other kids who had no way out but to comply had turned my damn brain to mush.  Once I finally reached 3rd phase and got enrolled at Dixie Hollins, I had a purpose, and that was to learn all I could so that once I got the flying fuck away from my family, I would never once, be put in the position where I had to rely on them ever again.

I held onto that Credendo so damn well, that I have little to do with any of my family at all anymore.  They are a completely different species to me now.  Happy Martin Luther King Day, Mike and if any of those atrocities happened to you at my host home, I truly appologize.  I now remember that I did sleep on the living room couch alot and that may be why I cannot remember much about the newcomer situation.  I had 9 weeks to make up a whole semester of failed Algebra and History and had shitloads of homework every night to do on the dining room table.  It only made sense that I sleep in the living room so I would be the first one up to get the coffee going, the breakfast table set and ready for the newcomers before the dropoff at Doug Daly's house in Kenneth City and then the short walk from there to school.  God, I was such a Zombie, my whole life was being lived for the benefit of others.  So many things were happening in the world, and I wanted so much to be a part of it.  Riding back to Straight in Rick Humberts piece of shit stationwagon every day from school, and rocking out to Cheap Trick and Toto, or maybe some Southern Rock song that was gasping its last breath of air time are the strongest memories of that time.  There are also some painful memories as well, but now is not the time.  Take it easy Mike, and if my idiot stepbrother made you sleep on the floor, sorry about that, take care man        -Bob

[ This Message was edited by: 85 Day Jerk on 2003-01-19 22:28 ]

[kpickle39]

Bob - don't worry.  I was not your newcomer.  I used to drop off at your house and Doug's house most every morning.  You were always decent to me.  Thanks.

G:   "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
EB:  "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
-- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4

[85 Day Jerk]

Thanks for clearing that up Mike, my memory of your being in my house was not all there, sort of like that episode of "Rosanne" where they replaced Becky with a new girl and D.J. got his mind blown over it.  I was confusing you with Glen Edwards, a tall skinny dude from Tampa who looked a little like Joe Walsh and got his mom to pull him after going home.            -Bob

[SilmarilOne]

I read that, and I shouldnt have.  I cant breathe.

-thomas