I would like to commend Anon who wrote:
"They fuck with your instincts. They turn kids against each other on a level that you cannot comprehend. The kinds of stress these kids are under is absolutely unbelievable. You're ripped away from everything that ever made you feel safe and secure. I'm telling you the idolation, feeling like I wasn't part of the world anymore. When I tried to go back in my friends (who were all doing much worse things than I was) had all grown out of their stupidity and moved on to become productive, happy people. I never did feel like I fit back in. I couldn't fit in with other people either because of the intense experience I went through. I thought of that when the ASR employee said that the kids have a maturity level beyond their peers. That's true in one sense and false in another. I didn't have the opportunity to find my own way, I had it drilled and consequenced and phase dropped and started over into me, so I lacked that maturity but I had been through something that none of them could even begin to imagine and that gives you the kind of maturity that just feels old and tired."
I also believe that the emotional damage is the hardest to deal with. I know exactly what you're saying, for I have also struggled with the effects of being "Modified". It really is disheartening and offensive to hear someone say "Oh, I thought I could come onto Fornit's and teach you guys something." Or "You know you deserved to be there because your parents know you better than anyone." What these posters, and my parents, will never know is what it's like to actually be there. I was always destined to be a smart successful person, regardless of the bad choices I made as a child. I work very hard, go to school, pay all my bills, and try to be respectful to everyone I come across because this is what life is all about. Not because my programs "taught me how to do it." I didn't complain when I had to clean, go to class, or take a time-out. Not all former students are society's trash who never grew out of their selfish ways; on the contrary, I would assume that many of us are as normal as any citizen, just trying to make it. I attended a TBS that is hardly ever mentioned here which may have people think that it is a "good" one, but as Anon said, the Modification methods are all alike, and this is what changed me for the worse. I hardly post because it seems futile to try and get others to understand; unless they've been subjected to it for many many months. I do come here to read posts and take what I can from them, and I will be the first to say that having a place where people will defend another survivor when they're called "crazy" or "lazy" or "messed-up," has made it much easier for me to feel like I belong in society, even though long-term "treatment" made it seem as though I did not.
Thanks Anon, and everyone here at Fornit's for expressing yourselves, if no one else is, I am listening.
