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Author Topic: My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..  (Read 4430 times)

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Offline LauraLee

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« on: June 12, 2006, 12:18:00 PM »
Okay, so my friend's mother is possibly sending her to wilderness therapy over the summer. She brought it up with me today at school, and I was a little shocked. I want to try to convince her mother NOT to send her (in the most rational and intelligent way possible) without sounding preachy or just trying to keep her daughter at home for the sake of our friendship. That's not the case at all, I'm just disgusted that wilderness therapy would even be considered, knowing my experience and of course, the experiences of others. I'm going to write her  mother a letter, but how do you think I should do this?

I would love suggestions/topics to be covered in the letter.

Oh, and let's not start a flame war, okay? I just want to be helped out here. Maturity and open-mindedness will be GREATLY appreciated.

Thanks =)

LauraLee
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Offline TheWho

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2006, 02:19:00 PM »
Well the first step in solving any problem is to define the problem.  I know, you see the problem as your friend is potentially being sent to a Wilderness program.  But one question is ?Why??.  Her mother must feel there is a problem, try to find out what specifically the mother feels the problem with her daughter is (acting out, drugs, sex, grades etc.).
Once you have defined the problem you need to convince her mother that Wilderness is not a good solution (as you believe it is not) or provide other solutions which involve not being sent away.
If the problem is drugs, for example, you may try to provide evidence to her mother that wilderness may not be effective for this.  People here at fornits can help you with some of the wording.

I would not waste time trying to convince her mother she doesn?t have a problem, initially, because she has already networked with other parents and the problem is real to her.  Avoid threats, running away, acting out more etc. this will only make it worse for her.  Keep it mature and focus only her choice of solution (Wilderness Program).

Hope this helps and things work out for you and your friend.
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Offline Troubled Turd

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2006, 02:35:00 PM »
A good ass-whuppin's all they need, I'm TELLIN YA!
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Offline Anonymous

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2006, 04:50:00 PM »
TheWho, get your God damn trolling ass the FUCK out of this thread.

Laura, there are a lot, and I do mean a lot, of sites detailing the abuses. I strongly recommend that your friend's mother have a long Private Message conversation with "michelle sutton memorial fund" right here on this board.

Don't write her a letter. Have a conversation. Phone, chat, whatever. Try to bring your friend and her mother together as much as you can. Remember that wilderness programs are expensive- surely there's SOMETHING they can do together that will save them money.

Get a hold of your friend- like NOW- and encourage him or her to say "Mom, I'm sorry. I'm reallysorry for making you mad. Please don't send me away somewhere."
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Offline Anonymous

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2006, 05:13:00 PM »
Quote
TheWho, get your God damn trolling ass the FUCK out of this thread.

Oh, I'm sure that will make him go away...
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Offline Anonymous

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2006, 05:16:00 PM »
::trophy::
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Offline Anonymous

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2006, 06:09:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-06-12 09:18:00, LauraLee wrote:

"Okay, so my friend's mother is possibly sending her to wilderness therapy over the summer. She brought it up with me today at school, and I was a little shocked. I want to try to convince her mother NOT to send her (in the most rational and intelligent way possible) without sounding preachy or just trying to keep her daughter at home for the sake of our friendship. That's not the case at all, I'm just disgusted that wilderness therapy would even be considered, knowing my experience and of course, the experiences of others. I'm going to write her  mother a letter, but how do you think I should do this?



I would love suggestions/topics to be covered in the letter.



Oh, and let's not start a flame war, okay? I just want to be helped out here. Maturity and open-mindedness will be GREATLY appreciated.



Thanks =)



LauraLee"


send her here

http://cfs.fmhi.usf.edu/projects/ASTART.htm

especially to guidlines
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Offline Oz girl

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #7 on: June 12, 2006, 08:26:00 PM »
Hi Mate
I would say that the way you approach this issue depends on a few things. What is your friend going "in" for. A lot of the websites for Wilderness therapy market to a wide variety of parental concerns.
The best thing to do is to come up with some good alternatives. For instance if Mom is worried about "motivation" you could suggest that you and your friend get a part time job over the summer or that she get a tutor and monitor closely your friends grades & help them improve. Make sure that your friend is in on suggesting viable solutions. This way it wont come across as whining which may be percieved as an attitude issue. (another apparent rsn to send your kid to these places)

Also tell the mum specifically what wilderness therapy was supposed to do for you and where it failed. If it was meant to adress mental health issues for example, talk about what worked better and what has helped.
Is there a sympathetic adult that the mum respects as well? go to them with your friend and see what they can do to help. Fact is mom is going to be more likely to respond to anothr adult.
Strongly discourage your friend from crying or whining about it or having a tantrum. This may be seen as manupulation.  
Bottom line is you need as many reasonalbe alternatives as possible. So many parents on Struggling teens etc say they feel desperate & have no alternative.
If absolutely nothing non confrontational works, your friend pretty much has 2 choices. She can suck it up, tell herself it is only a few months and try to make as little trouble for herself while she is there as possible or she can try and refuse to go. If she is planning to "run away" just doing so aimlessly wont help @ all, she will need to have a sympathetic adult to run to. This needs to be done before escorts get involved.
Best of Luck
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n case you\'re worried about what\'s going to become of the younger generation, it\'s going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.-Roger Allen

Offline Oz girl

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #8 on: June 12, 2006, 08:36:00 PM »
PS it is probably better to speak to her than write
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n case you\'re worried about what\'s going to become of the younger generation, it\'s going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.-Roger Allen

Offline Anonymous

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #9 on: June 12, 2006, 10:03:00 PM »
Get one of the heavy hitters of this board (TSW, DJ, Deborah, Eudora, MSMF) in contact with the mother. Over the phone.

You do not have a lot of time. The summer has begun.

If she's going to run away there are places to run TO. What state?

"This may be seen as manipulation" - this statement disgusts me to my very core, but the really disturbing thing is that it might be correct.

God damn these programs for what they accuse.
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Offline MightyAardvark

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2006, 04:45:00 AM »
A lot of this information was covered in detail in this thread http://www.fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.ph ... 7&forum=44

It only takes a little prescience to understand that we're all fair game for the deeds we condone.

--Antigen

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see the children with their boredom and their vacant stares. God help us all if we\'re to blame for their unanswered prayers,

Billy Joel.

Offline Oz girl

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2006, 05:10:00 AM »
[

"This may be seen as manipulation" - this statement disgusts me to my very core, but the really disturbing thing is that it might be correct.


<
[/quote]
hey i dint say i agree with it. i have just noted that it is a common refrain on the mant websites i have been now seen.
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n case you\'re worried about what\'s going to become of the younger generation, it\'s going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.-Roger Allen

Offline MightyAardvark

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2006, 07:07:00 AM »
"Manipulation" is the inevitable result of rendering a human being dependant on the good will of another person. Human being need to exercise control over their environment to a cetain degree in order to even feel safe. If your safety is entirely in the hands of another human being you are invariably going to try to influence that person in a way that benefits you.
Criticising people for doing this is hypocritical in the extreme and only serves to expose the rotten heart that beats in the chest of the "Teen help" industry.

It is error alone which needs the support of government. Truth can stand by itself.
http://lfb.com/?stocknumber=FF7485&code=10247' target='_new'>Thomas Jefferson

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see the children with their boredom and their vacant stares. God help us all if we\'re to blame for their unanswered prayers,

Billy Joel.

Offline Oz girl

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #13 on: June 13, 2006, 07:37:00 AM »
Exactly. i would imagine a bit of "manipulation" is not unhealthy. It is part of learning to negotiate as in:
"mom can i go to a party"
"i dont know didnt this kid have heaps of alcohol there last time"
"yes but her parents will be there so they will be able to prevent it from getting too out of control because her Dad & uncle barry will be staffing the bar"
"Ok but I will pick you up- i dont want you getting a lift with a kid who has six beers under his belt!"
Yah thanks mum!!!  :wink:
PS Are american kids allowed to drink alcohol on private property? or is that only an australian thing?
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n case you\'re worried about what\'s going to become of the younger generation, it\'s going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation.-Roger Allen

Offline RobertBruce

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My friends mother may be sending her to wilderness therapy..
« Reply #14 on: June 13, 2006, 08:07:00 AM »
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On 2006-06-12 11:19:00, TheWho wrote:

"Well the first step in solving any problem is to define the problem.  I know, you see the problem as your friend is potentially being sent to a Wilderness program.  But one question is ?Why??.  Her mother must feel there is a problem, try to find out what specifically the mother feels the problem with her daughter is (acting out, drugs, sex, grades etc.).

Once you have defined the problem you need to convince her mother that Wilderness is not a good solution (as you believe it is not) or provide other solutions which involve not being sent away.

If the problem is drugs, for example, you may try to provide evidence to her mother that wilderness may not be effective for this.  People here at fornits can help you with some of the wording.



I would not waste time trying to convince her mother she doesn?t have a problem, initially, because she has already networked with other parents and the problem is real to her.  Avoid threats, running away, acting out more etc. this will only make it worse for her.  Keep it mature and focus only her choice of solution (Wilderness Program).



Hope this helps and things work out for you and your friend.

"


CindyLouWho do you just move from thread to thread dispensing your retarded babbelings and then take off as soon as the group exposes you for how dumb you really are?

Someone needs a hobby I think. Or a job.
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