Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum

F---ed

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Anonymous:

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What affects me the most was the complete dominance, the inability to speak your mind, to talk to parents, to do anything voluntarily... did anyone have a moment where it all came to you, meaning you thought to yourself, 'holy ---, i'm fd? As if something in you was being annihalted ...it's hard to explain any other way- I don't know any of you began to buy into the program at any time- but i just knew I was going have to try my best to internally comply to their empty words becuase if I showed any outward signs of dissent or anger I was questioning the program and that was a very bad thing...meaning you're f---d up. In other owrds, I had to see some value, believe their was some worth in what I was doing...I was desperate to belive with so I wouldn't go crazy... DOes that make any sense at all to anyone???
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Anonymous:
makes perfect sense to me.  What doesn't make sense is why those words are quoted.  Does this come from somewhere else, or are these your words anon?

Anonymous:
That has been copied from another conversation. I wanted to see if anybody over here would understand it.

Anonymous:
You would have to be smoking the same stuff to understand it.  And, you would have to have had a sub-standard education.

Stripe:
I don't know that a person would necessarily have to be smoking anything at all to get this.
It seems more like a reflection on self-preservation, or failure of self-preservation, if you will.

I going to take a wild shot here and guess that self-preservation is not such an uncommon event among persons who were put into behavior modification programs when there was nothing about them that needed modifying.  Especially programs where the process of program "success" required one to wipe out or deny ones ture self.
 

I don't think that people who truly believe they were flawed individuals way back when and still believe that about themselves, could ever really understand.  There is a deep sense of counfusion, shame, fear, maybe even desperation that comes with being required to abandon your sense of self and adopt a whole new set of values. Either that or you get to stay put on the first couple of rows or some freaking step category for some indetrminable period of time.

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