THANK YOU, STR8, for my Major Depression, Anxiety, Guilt, Lo

[Ganja]

Perhaps you came to the realization that deep down you don't like hanging out with a bunch of phonies all the time.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. Perhaps you are right.  Where are all the real people, exactly?  At the library?  At the Red Cross?  At the morgue?

[Ganja]

I don't think I was talking to you.

[Anonymous]

you're still full of shit for straight str8tsurvivorVA.

[Gah]

Everyone here knows what you are talking about, at leat I do. They just dont wanna say it cause it sounds too much like group. What can we say? Oh I can relate to you? Sounds like the program huh? Well, My landlord told me when I moved in here that the lady accross the street knows what the whole neighborhood is doing. She calls him and tells him everything. All I do all day is watch her house now. I should prolly go ask her if she has been in Straight inc. too, or what the hell is her excuse? I dont think anyone can really help us. If they can at least at the momment you can afford to get the help. I hate to see you lose everything but I know at the momment that you prolly dont care if you do. I can only think of what the group tought us for the answers. They would all prolly say to get out of yourself. Kinda stupid to get out of yourself when all they teach us is to look at ourself. I hope someday we get some kind of justice.

[Anonymous]

Everyone here knows what you are talking about, at leat I do. They just dont wanna say it cause it sounds too much like group.

Boy, do YOU like to jump to conclusions! Give people some frikken time and maybe there will be some more replies to the op. :smile:

[Anonymous]

To the O.P.: Do not give your real name to anyone here. Do not talk to or trust anyone from the internet. There are other Straight survivors in your area, who may still be more or less brainwashed, but you can tell a lot more about whether or not or how much to trust someone in person. There are people on this site who pretend to be Straight survivors but really are not. One person last summer told me their brother was emailing them pretending to be another Straight survivor, but really they were getting information on their opiate habit to get them put in treatment against their will. You might be able to imagine that at your high security job if they found out the name of the program you were in - and this would not be so hard to do - they could easily start looking on the internet and figure out who you were by your posts. Then they could easily figure out some names of people from your program and some details from the time to make them sound legit - not hard to do on fornits and the other survivor forums at all. Then they could start sending you private messages and getting information from you. I am actually surprised that you would give so much away on the internet. It does make me wonder if you are really a high security whatever you say you are, or if you are just another sham around here. It is really no loss to anyone around here to play along with your game, but all are advised to be cautious about giving you names and such.

If I am wrong about you, my bad. I've just seen people get burned, and if I am wrong, just take my advice for yourself.

[Antigen]

I can think of a few things I never learned in Straight or the Seed.

I've gained some valuable insight from talking to ppl who have been there and in similar programs, learning more about the history and affilitions of those programs and what they're up to in other, related areas of endevour.

One thing I realized somewhere along the line is what I think Guest meant here:

On 2006-03-28 20:57:00, Guest wrote:

"Perhaps you came to the realization that deep down you don't like hanging out with a bunch of phonies all the time."

I went the other way. I'm a hold out. I have none of those things you say, cept a decent immediate family. Haven't spoken with the proud Seedlings in a number of years and am not fortunate enough to have surviving grandparents or other extended family.

So, while I don't think I'd call myself the quintessential loser at any point in my life (some will dissagree, surely, but fuck `em LOL) but marginal would certainly be a good adjective. But why? People tell me I'm smart and school was easy. Was pretty attractive till I started getting old. Maybe I rightly owe some long term difficulty to the mind warping effects of Program life and what it has done to my family. But, come on now! 20+ years?

Then I thought about the specific reasons why I left various jobs or walked away from social situations. Looking back, sometimes it was my own dumb assed mistake; something I would do differently if I had it to do over again. But most of the time, no. Most of the time it's been a wholesome, healthy aversion to so many different kinds of fucked up behavior due to over exposure to it in the Program.

The difference between me and your typical yuppie, as far as those things go, is that I have an extremely low threshhold for certain types of bullshit which, unfortunately, our modern culture mistakes for normal. Shit, I'd be depressed as a mother fucker too if I tried to keep those associations!

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is, perhaps, the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
--James Madison

[Anonymous]

On 2006-03-29 09:07:00, Eudora wrote:

"Then I thought about the specific reasons why I left various jobs or walked away from social situations. Looking back, sometimes it was my own dumb assed mistake; something I would do differently if I had it to do over again. But most of the time, no. Most of the time it's been a wholesome, healthy aversion to so many different kinds of fucked up behavior due to over exposure to it in the Program.



The difference between me and your typical yuppie, as far as those things go, is that I have an extremely low threshhold for certain types of bullshit which, unfortunately, our modern culture mistakes for normal. Shit, I'd be depressed as a mother fucker too if I tried to keep those associations!"

Yes, exactly.

I will not allow bosses to treat me like a slave, which in many places and industries that is exactly what they do, and they feel justified, because "all the other" bosses treat their employees the same way. They think they own their employees. That is one example.

[Antigen]

On 2006-03-29 09:02:00, Anonymous wrote:

"To the O.P.: Do not give your real name to

...

If I am wrong about you, my bad. I've just seen people get burned, and if I am wrong, just take my advice for yourself."

All good advice that anyone should take into consideration before deciding if and how much personal information to disclose in any public place. This is about as public as you can get next to personal celebrity of some kind.

I would like to point out, also, that this is one of the perks to never having bought in so much. You can only own so much stuff before your stuff owns you. Sure, I like the stuff I've got or I wouldn't have gone to the trouble to get it. But I don't view any of it as really crucial. Only the people.

And those people who I haven't alienated by being my pain in the ass, weird, intense, opinionated self are probably not going to be significantly influenced by anything that anyone makes of anything I've posted on the net. Or, to put it another way, them who knows me knows me well, all the rest can go to hell.  :em:

If every cigarette you smoke takes seven minutes off your life, every game of Dungeons & Draggons you play delays the loss of your virginity by seven hours.
--Brian Warner - The Long Hard Road Out Of Hell

[Antigen]

On 2006-03-29 09:25:00, Anonymous wrote:
I will not allow bosses to treat me like a slave, which in many places and industries that is exactly what they do, and they feel justified, because "all the other" bosses treat their employees the same way. They think they own their employees. That is one example."

Oh yeah, man! Know what else? I have a pretty good argument for justifiable penis envy over this too. I worked with a construction electrician's crew for one day. Loved it! Paid a couple of bucks more than most chick jobs. And it was fun work, casual friendly, outdoor atmosphere. I couldn't fuckin' believe it when the boss passed a jib around at lunch time! That never happened even once in all the time I spent working in offices, factories or waiting tables.

In fact, one time a got shit canned from an embroidery shop. Perfect example of above. The very I came back from my grandma's funeral out of state, my bosses burried their dad. My grandma's funeral had unexpectedly turned into something of a semi-traditional Irish Wake. Took several days longer than I had planned. So I did what I thought anyone would do; I called and told them I'd be a couple of days longer than I had said.

That very day when I came back, the brothers who owned the place buried their father. So me and the Mexican chick who ran the back just assumed we'd be closing that day and had made plans to offer to open the next day for them.

But these turkeys take a long lunch to bury their own father! They're back by 3:30 to inform me that it's just not working out. I think they just flat out didn't believe me or understand how it can take 3 days to bury the remains of one tiny little feisty old grandma. I had a memorial card in my purse. Thought of showing it to them, but then thought what's the point, they could never understand.

So, I'm in a funk, jobless and not too far from the warehouse where Bill's getting a little over twice what I was making to do "shop work" like painting equipment, sweeping up, building stuff and the like. Similar skill level and physical strength requirements and all. I get out there and what are these guys doing on their afternoon break? What do you think?

But it's hard for a chick, especially a little blond, to keep a man's job. All kinds of resentments and silly misconceptions get in the way.

One does not have to appeal to God to set the initial conditions for the creation of the universe, but if one does He would have to act through the laws of physics.
--Stephen Hawking, English scientist

_________________
fka ~ Antigen
Drug war POW  
Straight, Sarasota
`80 - `82
return undef() if /coercion/i;[ This Message was edited by: Eudora on 2006-03-29 09:49 ]

[Anonymous]

To the OP:

You won't find your diagnosis code, unless you look under "incredibly shallow".  Your entire original posts reads like a resume for a wanna be yuppy.  If you were as successful and wealthy as you claim I doubt you would have good reason to feel the need to broadcast it.

Because I am so kind, I will save you all your many precious green dollars that you would otherwise waste on a therapist who has no clue what you are talking about:  Get over it.  Suck it up.  Life is not fair.  The way you were treated at Straight was NOT FAIR.  It is done.  MOVE ON.  All you are doing now is granting them free rent in your mind.  

Is it easy?  NO.  Will it always be there?  Probably.  Are you going to let them win?

YOUR CHOICE.

There you have it.  Consider it a free consultation!

[Anonymous]

On 2006-03-29 09:57:00, Anonymous wrote:

"To the OP:



You won't find your diagnosis code, unless you look under "incredibly shallow".  Your entire original posts reads like a resume for a wanna be yuppy.  If you were as successful and wealthy as you claim I doubt you would have good reason to feel the need to broadcast it.



Because I am so kind, I will save you all your many precious green dollars that you would otherwise waste on a therapist who has no clue what you are talking about:  Get over it.  Suck it up.  Life is not fair.  The way you were treated at Straight was NOT FAIR.  It is done.  MOVE ON.  All you are doing now is granting them free rent in your mind.  



Is it easy?  NO.  Will it always be there?  Probably.  Are you going to let them win?



YOUR CHOICE.



There you have it.  Consider it a free consultation!"

At least the O.P.'s lies are an entertaining story. Yours are just obnoxious and pathetic.

[Psycho6]

Hey Str8survivorVA,
   Don't know if I know you or not- I came up with the mayflower group from FL- but sounds like you are going through what many of us that lived through the program go through on a daily/weekly basis. I don't normally get into a lot with these posts bacause there are so many imposters out there and folks that just don't give a shit and want someplace to vent, however, I do go through much of what you do.
   Successful career- I'm closing in on 20 years and retirement as an officer in the Army. I've got a wonderful wife and three children. Graduate and Post-grad degrees. Nice house, great neighborhood, etc, etc. However, there are times where I feel like I'm living a lie and that it all can't be true because of what I experienced in the past and what I did. Heck- I've been to war a few times and seen the things that happen in Iraq and in Kosovo. Now, that will give you some serious PTSD, on top of what I experienced in STR8.
   But- I continue ot be extremely open with my wife on what I did in the past, and most of my close friends also know some parts of pre-STR8 and some of my experiences in STR8. I find that it helps when I recall events to talk them over with my wife or a close friend that understands. Yea, some of it is horrible, but it only get worse if its kept in. I've got many friends that have PTSD form Iraq and they are going through hell on a daily basis. There are images locked up in their minds that are reality for them back here in the states that normal human beings do not see or ever have to deal with. However, these folks live it every day. The pile of garbage on a neighborhood street (that could be an IED). Swerving as you go under an overpass because you think you're going to get hit with an RPG. Those are just a few.
   Things that bothered me from the Lindy England trail and the pictures of Iraqi's stacked up on eachother brought back memories of being sat on be 10 dude's for my misbehaving. Or the cuts I put on my are because of the hurt and attention I wanted and seeing Soldiers and civilians cut up. Not great memories nor great experiences to go through. But, I do talk with freinds and family about them and it helps. The one theing I continually do is keep that part of my life in the past and live for my wonderful wife and children and put all my energy into raising them to be productive members of society. I choose not to sit on my ass and let those things in the past drag me down. Man, there is so much good to live for in this world and so much I still want to experience that I will not allow STR8 or anything else from the past disturb or destroy.
   Enjoy FLA- I go down to the Keys every summer to fish for Tarpon and relax from the rest of the world. But only for a short time, as I do want to get back to my family, friends and the fun that is out there.
Psycho6

[Antigen]

Hey Psycho... Psssst! Over here....

http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?to ... =10#175713

Maybe you should remove all lethal weapons from your immediate reach and ask a trusted friend to look hang with you before you further engage in this discussion.

Lord help you, brother, if/when it finally hits home.

In a culture based on the oppressive notion that people should be exploited for profit most people can't afford to understand what happened to us in str8.

http://fornits.com/wwf/bb_profile.php?mode=view&user=2506' target='_new'>starry-eyed pirate