That is one of the craziest things about Lon's forums. The parents all think THEY are the victim. Did their kid suddenly appear from nowhere, step into their perfect lives and ruin it for them? Doubtful. More likely, they were bad parents making mistakes along the way with compounded so much they couldn't handle the result of 14 years of mishandling. So, in their infinite wisdom, they make another huge mistake (what would we expect?) and go to programs to try and 'fix' their kid. Then they spend a fortune, blaming the kid for the monetary loss (or using the kids college fund provided by other family members), and sit at home, alleviated of any responsibility other than financial, feeling sorry for themselves. Some, like Karen, take up drinking to fill their idle time. These people should of never had kids. With the resources at their disposal, they still seek out one of the worst options available for a kid out there. Proxy child abuse is just as bad as regular child abuse. They can afford to pay someone else to do their dirty work, but they are no different than the joe-six-pack who comes home at night to beat his kids, forcing them to live in fear and under his tight rule. Same thing with programs, apples and oranges.