On 2006-03-16 11:17:00, Anonymous wrote:
"So i got into it via email with a now very EX childhood friend. Staying true to my ways I am quite certain I got the last word in.
So it dawned on me, i am really good at verbal assault. Not only can I by far outmatch my opponents, i walk away with little regard about anything i said, and really don't care much about what was said to me as well.
And so I ask you all: Is this a direct result of Straight? Have I forever been desensitized to such things? Or maybe I was born with such meaness.
Any thoughts?"
To me, it does not sound as pleasant as it first appears. Granted there is an adrenaline (sp) rush associated with verbal bantering. To many of us, myself included this is exciting as all get out! It opens up the veins, the capillaries dilate into such a state that the blood supply is rich with oxygen. The brain activity is almost certainly bristling with the firings between the axon and the dendrites. I think its safe for me to say that it is just shy of an euphoric state, intoxicating.
It never dawned on me that I was "really good at verbal assault"...I always took it for granted; I thought it was part of my personality to borderline tween, sarcasm and assault, at least verbally so. To match wits and to be animated about doing so, to be passionate to the point of extremes, was a norm, for me,
Once I was faced with a simple question of whether I preferred to be "right" or "happy", in my discourse with others. My first plea was that I would have had the ability to have both simultaneously; as they seemed that they would play off each other nicely. In the long run it appeared my goal was to be ?right? rather than be ?happy?
In regard to Straight, and this notion of the "sharp tongue", for me, as a teenager, I think it certainly honed my skill set, perfected it and taught me to use it indiscriminately. This was taught at formative years of 12-15. During that time it was common to attack and re-attack. It was also a time of living in fear of being attacked. Part of this struggle, for me, to survive was to establish a vocabulary?I had none to speak of, other than ?wow?. ?what a rush?. ?cool?, ?dig it?, ?far out? etc etc?
I recall the first time I heard a word being used frequently around the group, not sure about the girl?s side. The saying was ?Jack Ass?, It wasn?t a word in my repertoire, but it sounded accurate and powerful when used skillfully. The first time I used the term. ?Jack Ass? was during a meal. As the meals were being passed down the rows I decided to use the term to the guy sitting nest to me. The next thing I recall was that he was removing his fist from just under the corner of my right eye? Of course this drew much attention from those around us and whatever 5th phasers?nothing was done?at all, zilch, notta.
Of course this was at a time back in the day that massive takedowns were the exception rather than the rule. But there was wholesale attack on each other, we attacked, looks, character traits, sexual histories, families finical status?anything. We did so without regard for the targets emotions or even considered the consequences that this person would undoubtedly face.
There always seem to be a person that could wrap it up as close as staff would hope for and just to continue to drill and pound away, whilst staff presumably considered what should happen next?it always seemed to help by expecting the worst. And ultimately staff would relay the sentence/consequences. That person, that laid into who ever was the target of the ?stand-up?, always seemed to have a special status and were used for such verbal assaults on people. (I am speaking of group folks, not necessarily staff members?although they seemed to have their specialties as well)
Perversely I think we, tended to want to emulate them, these were our ?heroes?. Sick, hateful, deceitful, sadistic as most were?those of us who stuck it out saw that as a means of getting thru the program. As a result behaving as they did in order of survival became second nature?and I often wonder myself if I am desensitized to it. Perhaps even having the ability to switch ?on & off??that is decent, sensitive even thoughtful one moment, then becoming nearly explosive the next toward some one?It really sucks when that happens in front of a loved one or to a loved one.
Concerning loved ones. Are they deserving of abuse similar to what we ourselves experienced. Sure we survived, is it fare to see if someone else can survive, because we survived? To put them thru some test is absurd?but it was done to us.
Possession of a very sharp tongue is one thing that can?t be denied, but it is not suited not for communication purposes. A sword probably left sheathed.
As I age, I wonder not so much about my tongue and the damage it can create. More so I am concerned at my words that come from brain to fingertip. Often this is done with out considering the medium in which we communicate is indeed only 2 dimensional with inferences that are exceptionally open to misinterpretations. We are an exceptionally opinioned, suspicious group of people, with good reason to be. ( I believe we came by this honestly, thru circumstance)
Handling confrontation or perceived threat is not always graceful or easy for me, and I can only imagine that is true for most people, regardless of circumstance, as well. But it seems instinctual to strike at a perceived threat, real, or imagined.
Disagreements are inevitable, as was pointed out to me, it make for better dialogue. We all tend to walk away with something.
As to the genetic question, the nature/nurture?who really knows. It?s like getting stabbed and then demanding to know who stabbed you before receiving treatment. Knowing there is the capacity to verbally/mentally/emotionally run circles around someone is thrilling and all?but it seems to me based on hate, revenge, loathing, bitterness and a state of misery that is prepared at any time to strike at what threatens it.
As was mentioned recently on another post, some one said something to the effect of ?at gatherings of people who populate forums (in a public place) in general, act in no way towards each other as they do when meeting face to face as they do online??something like that anyway?that has been my own experience as well. E-mail, Forums, websites and the like make it very difficult to really have (meaningful, insightful) communication.
The thing about verbal attack is that it works?It is designed to inflict harm. Sadly, it is effective. It was effective back in my program. It is also effective to this day.
The sharp tongue has been likened to a dual edge sword; I do my best to keep it sheathed, as mentioned earlier. The concern in working with such a weapon is that the recoil of such a weapon can have devastating consequences. I am all too often unprepared for that part of the equation?
What kills me about this whole thing? Ultimately I think the ?Sharp Tongue? syndrome ya speak of is directly associated with Straight Inc. As adolescents there may have of been a tendency to be a smart ass or whatever. But I think it directly refined anger/hate/fear and humiliation?all of this was directly exacerbated thru ritualistic verbal/mental/emotional abuse and later followed with physical abuse. All in the name of therapy?
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti
:nworthy: :nworthy: :nworthy:
