Laurie! Holy shit woman, how the fuck are you?
To answer your question, not all of us are angry. And another person brought up a good point, others who are dealing with this now after so long may have simply repressed their experience so that they are now just getting around to processing it emotionally.
Speaking for myself. The few years after RMA were tough. But I did therapy and such, and whatever healing that needed to be done was done. I am lucky in that I really don't feel I was one of the ones who was "permanently scarred", and if I really suffered any sort of PTSD symptoms, (which was possible, although I'm not a doctor) it happened and then stopped a long long time ago.
So why am I on this site? Well, I'm not entirely sure why I feel the need to discuss it with people. I know that I don't really feel any resentment or pain. Whatever I had of that dissolved years ago. And for a long time, I never thought about RMA at all. But then, quite accidentally, I found out about the closings. And the lawsuits. And some of the weirder things that happened in the 90s, and it disturbed me. I don't know why, exactly. I told myself "why should I give a fuck about this anymore?" But I did. Apparently, I guess I have more to talk about regarding this issue. But there isn't any pain behind what I talk about now, so I honestly can't say why I still feel the need to process or discuss this with people, or why it came about all of the sudden. It just did.
What I do feel strongly about is that CEDU falls under the umbrella of the behavior-mod school industry. The teen help programs like CEDU, which originated from Synanon (CEDU was the first) employ coercive and repressive techniques that really don't seem to help teens at all. (and there really hasn't been any proof to prove otherwise.) Granted, it is certainly no Straight or WWASPS, (thank fucking god for that) but that doesn't erase the fact that some people came out of that environment traumatized. It also doesn't erase the fact that the basic ideology and practices that CEDU employed (Syanon, LGAT, Lifespring) is based in cult-philosophy, or simply came straight out of cults. That, I think is dangerous and damaging. Fortunately, the schools are closed, (for now.) Also, this is not just a CEDU problem, it is a systemic problem. Fortunately for those of us who went to CEDU, it was MUCH cushier than some of the other behavior mod schools and boot-camps out there.
One thing I want to point out. Just because you got over it, doesn't mean that everyone else processes their experience the same way, or will deal with CEDU the same way. That's just how it is.
I remember you as an incredibly resilient person. I can see you bouncing back from your CEDU experience relatively quickly, although I am assuming a lot here. I do remember that you seemed pretty much able to retain your own sense of self while you were there, and had a pretty strong sense of your own identity that was independent of CEDU teachings, or at least it appeared that way from my vantage point. (Which I'm sure is what came off as "not being a model RMA student".) Anyway, like I said, I'm assuming a lot. This is just how I remember you. I do remember that I admired you a lot for it. However, not all of us were so lucky. As for me, I bought into it and "broke" within a week of getting there. I gave up all that I had previously believed in and towed the CEDU line. As a result, it took some time to piece things together after I graduated. The important thing was that I did. Eventually, we all do.
We all came into our CEDU experience with different baggage and different histories. So of course, we will come out of it dealing with it in different ways and in different time frames.
And of course, there are always going to be the people on fornits who like to do the flame wars and the "fuck you, you pro-CEDU cult-head faggot" stuff. I'm not really talking about those guys.
Anyway, it's awesome to hear from you. Hope you are doing well.
_________________
"Learn from your mistakes so that one day you can repeat them precisely."
-Trevor Goodchild
[ This Message was edited by: sorry... try another castle on 2006-03-07 22:42 ]