I remember there was this one girl in group who whenever we would catch each others eyes, she'd give me a quick smile, kind of a secret smile of encouragment, or at least that's how I took it. I hadn't been in straight for very long and at least on the girls side , there wasn't a whole lotta smiling going on between any of us.
One day as we all came into group, ya know when your old comer would lead you to the bench where they wanted you to sit ( remember the benches in the Morgan Yacht building?) she was the girl that I was going to be sitting next to. I will never forget her, to this day. It's such a small thing really, but one of those things I'll always remember. It was a come down rap, and everyone was terrified of being the next one to be called upon. I was still new, trying to figure out what the hell was happening inside this loony bin. Still new enough that I couldn't understand why everyone just didn't rush those big old warehouse doors, knock the fuckers down that were guarding them, and just escape!!
So the rap starts,and they call my name to stand up. I only half know what to expect at this point, but sure enough, they gave it to me pretty good, saying stuff that wasn't even true until they finally got what they wanted which was for me to break down and cry.
When they finally told me to sit down, I was just fucking stunned! What the hell was going on here? I'm fighting back my tears, trying to get control of myself, when she reaches over and takes my pinkie and ring finger into her hand and gives me a gentle squeeze. One quick look into my eyes ( make sure nobody sees) and then she's back to looking like she's listening to what someone else is now sayin, but she didn't let go of my fingers. When she had to motivate, she's let go, but as soon as she could, she'd take my fingers into her hand, giving me reassurance just thru her touch.
I never sat next to her again ( probably cause someone saw her) but when ever we'd have a chance she's always give me that quick smile.
