This kid's been drinking the Kool-Aid, I guess. I especially like the letters that the kid supposedly wrote home. What teenager writes like that? My bet is that the counselors told him what to write.
True Life: They Sent My Brother away
Some of us may know of a problem child who has been sent away due to drug abuse and out of control behavior--perhaps they have been sent to rehab, military school, or a program or school specializing in the treatment of defiant, troubled, out of control youths. One may wonder: what goes on in these programs? How do they go about transforming troubled individuals? I am going to enlighten you, based on the experiences of someone very close to my heart: my brother. Disclaimer: These stories may have explicit content. No information will be withheld.
It had gone too far. AJ, my brother, 16 years old with a genius level IQ, was about to begin his third year as a freshman in high school. It was preposterous. Our other brother, Alex, two years his junior, was about to begin his freshman year at the same school. AJ did not care, and attempted to avoid school and homework at all costs; he was failing miserably. My parents tried everything: home schooling, internet school, alternative school. Nothing worked; he just wouldn't go, or he would lie and say that he did his work when he did not. The entire family tried to convince him by prompting him, "AJ, don't you care about your future? Your younger brother is academically ahead of you!" It had no impact.
AJ and his friends were into drugs. A great number of students at his school were into drugs, but there was one difference: they were passing their courses, and he would not even attend school. AJ has Attention Deficit Hyper Activity Disorder and Oppositional Defiance. My parents would constantly yell at him and argue with him to go to school and to stop using drugs; they threatened to send him away to military school, and they even called the police on him a few times. Still, no impact. He was on top of the world, and nobody could bring him down. Secretly he hated himself, but sometimes even he didn't realize that. He was constantly stoned, and all he cared about was smoking pot and partying; he had no regard for how his actions impacted the rest of the family. His antics were tearing us apart.
It had gone too far, and now it was going to stop. Two o'clock in the morning October 2003: two men, escorts from a wilderness program for troubled youths, tore into AJ's room, waking him out of a sound sleep. They took him away.
Six grueling weeks he spent living out in the wilderness of the Adirondack Mountains. Previously, the closest this kid got to nature was smoking herb; now, he had to learn how to pitch tents, orienteer through the forest, purify lake water for drinking, cook meager meals of oatmeal or hot dogs, learn to love trail mix and beef jerky, shower outside, and dig holes to defecate in. And this was only the beginning. According to their mission statement, Adirondack Leadership Expeditions is a program designed to be a powerful intervention for the students that need structure, supportive counseling, motivational improvement, and the development of self-esteem, self-reliance, and self-respect. They assert that moving to the wilderness is a significant life change. It removes students from their "emotional comfort zone" and requires different skills to care for themselves. The simplicity of the wilderness environment helps them to recognize the results of their behavioral choices and encourages them to try different coping strategies (Goddard 1).
Throughout his six weeks in the Adirondacks, AJ received individual counseling and participated in leadership and peer group activities. He was required to do a significant amount of creative writing and participate in "Truth Sessions," where each individual was required to tell the group why he or she was there and disclose wrongdoings he or she partook in while enrolled in the program. Every individual's parents had to write a letter to their child telling him or her why they were sent away; the individual was also required to read this out loud to the group. The parents had a weekly phone call with the child's counselor concerning their child's progress and behavior, but they were not allowed to speak to their child.
It was a trying six weeks for both my parents and my brother, but they all survived. The counselor informed my parents that AJ had progressed enough to graduate from the program. From there, he was to be transported to a therapeutic academic boarding school in Massachusetts to further his recovery.
My parents arrived at the program to pick up my brother. They were only going to see him for a couple hours; they had to take him right to his new school. It was a very emotional few hours. AJ was angry and hurt, and my mother didn't want to send her little boy away for another two years--but she knew in her heart that she had to; it was the best thing for him. They departed on the Interstate 90 headed for Massachusetts.
My dad pulled over to look at a map, because he thought he was lost. AJ was fighting with them, because he did not want to go to another program; he just wanted to go home. He grabbed my father's cell phone, opened the car door, and took off running towards a gas station. He locked himself in the gas station bathroom and proceeded to make an emotionally charged phone call to his best friend back home. He arranged for his friend to come pick him up and help him escape his awful fate. No chance. They caught him, forced him back into the car, and made their way to his new school, Academy at Swift River, in Massachusetts.
Unstable at first, he has made immense progress there. At Swift River, the typical students are adolescents with a history of emotional and behavioral problems, low self-esteem, underachievement, substance abuse, and family conflicts. Diagnostic categories include Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Substance Abuse, Attention Deficit Disorder, Mood Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (Powers 3). Students enrolled there progress through three specific program phases: Passages, Main Campus, and Service Learning in Costa Rica. Each program has specific goals:
The goal of Passages is for students to enter the Main Campus phase aware of the truths and realities of their present situation. Passages provides the students with an opportunity to focus internally and to be able to complete an honest personal evaluation. They are challenged physically, mentally, and emotionally through rigorous exercise, daily journaling, and individual group focus (group therapy) times (4).
The goals of the Main Campus are for students to replace old coping patterns with new appropriate ones, identify strengths and challenges in academic learning styles, refine personal social skills, identify and resolve family conflicts, and increase self-awareness of impact on others and community. Students participate in a multi-faceted approach of intellectual, emotional, and experiential learning (5). This is the longest phase. Students write "truth letters" to their parents confessing everything they did before they were sent away. They also compose "feelings letters" to their parents in which they illustrate all of their raw emotions, past and present. Most of the growing is done in this phase.
The goals of Service Learning program are for students to have a greater understanding of the world and their contribution to it, experience cultural diversity and learn how to relate to it, raise their self concept by helping others, and feel a sense of accomplishment. Students go to Costa Rica and assist with local agricultural projects in the rain forest, assist with sea turtle rescue, and teach English as a second language to native school children. They also participate in a five-day kayaking expedition and a four-day home stay experience with the Tico families. From here, they graduate with their high school diploma (6).
Presently, AJ is in the Main Campus phase. It has definitely not been an easy time for him. He gets timed phone calls with his parents and sometimes his siblings; he is having difficulty coming to terms with his lack of freedom. The counselors describe him as a fun, outgoing, likeable kid who has an electric personality and attracts many followers. This is both a good and bad characteristic, as he has the power to easily influence people. He has gotten in trouble on a few times; the last couple of times were for kissing girls on different occasions. Each student had to sign a contract in the beginning stating that they will not have sexual relations with anyone else in the program--most of the girls have considerable amounts of emotional baggage, and they don't want other members of the program taking on any of that (Swift River). He had to write a letter home to my parents explaining to them that he got into trouble for kissing girls--it was quite humorous. He is also required to send letters to my parents periodically for therapeutic purposes.
He has written letters to my parents divulging his tumultuous past:
"I did use drugs daily, including pot, hash, mushrooms, and alcohol. I've stolen alcohol from you on several occasions. I am responsible for throwing parties while you were not home. I invited friends over to smoke and drink with no regard for what did and could have happened. I lied to you many times to go do drugs and get away from you. This contributed to deteriorating our relationship. I charged a 500 dollar bong to your credit card. I smoked in the basement every night when you went to sleep, also, pretty much every opportunity I'd get, I would smoke in my room or in my bathroom before school. One time, I left the house for two days straight and went and partied in a hotel room in Canada with a bunch of my friends. We got drunk and took advantage of the cheaper marijuana price. After two exhausting days, I came home and smoked more."
AJ also wrote a letter home describing his past mentality in which he stated, "I did not do my homework because I was lazy and burnt out from smoking bud. I was constantly high and didn't care about school, nor did I have any ambition for a future."
After receiving those letters, all guilt my parents had for sending AJ away was rescinded. They had no idea he partook in half the activities he admitted to. According to TR Rosenberg, Director of Counseling at Swift River, most parents are unaware:
In most cases, your kid is much worse than you think. You typically make excuses for your child because you love them--you kind of feel that they're not as involved in...drugs, or sex or whatever they're in involved in. Because of that, and the idea of parting from your child and having limited access to your child is so abhorrent to every parent, you tend to jump at short term band-aid fixes; it's not going to be enough. You have to be extremely aggressive; you need to believe in the system; you need to accept the fact that it's bigger than you can deal with, and you have to give up the control of your kid to someone else so that they can get back onto the right path.
I said before that AJ hated himself; most kids like him hate themselves. They put on a "tough guy" act, and manage to fool most of us into thinking that they are tough and bad, but according to TR Rosenberg, this is a cry for help:
"You think you're in pain? These kids are in much worse pain. They are suffering. No kid wants to be out-of-control. All these kids have incredibly low self-esteem. Nine times out of ten, their behavior is a cry for help veiled and expressed in the only way they know how to do it."
AJ's more recent letters are beginning to show a great deal of emotional progress, maturation, and insight. They express his desire, very clearly and openly, to take steps towards building a positive relationship with my parents. AJ wants them to know that he is working on ways to make better and more effective choices that will help him succeed in life. He wrote:
"I feel excited and eager, I imagine I feel this way because you gave me a priceless gift: a new beginning. A new beginning and an opportunity to work towards something. I, short time ago, lacked a future. I feel that I've been granted a second chance and a new life. Hopefully in your eyes, I've developed a new slate. In the future, I hope to take advantage of this opportunity and to start climbing the ladder that leads to a career and purity.
"Thank you for hearing my words. I hope they impact you. My hope for the future is that this aids in guiding us towards a fully functional and communicating family. I am grateful for my clear mind and genuine feelings."
After reading AJ's letters, I know he will improve. This situation has been very trying on my family; it has affected us and changed us significantly. Sending a child away for drug abuse and defiance is a harsh reality that few families are brave enough to face. AJ reeked havoc on my family for at least four years; it took so much for my parents to finally let go and send him away, but I am proud of them. He is being helped now so that there is hope for his future. I have faith that, in the future, he will fulfill his greatest potential.
Epilogue
Unfortunately, since the completion of this paper, AJ ran away from Swift River Academy and was expelled from the institution. He has returned home and has told me many stories of corruption within the program, such as smoking marijuana with his wilderness counselor and being verbally abused by his teachers and counselors. AJ has not quit smoking marijuana, smoking cigarettes, or drinking, but shows more motivation when it comes to attending school again. In June, he will be eligible to take a GED test, if a GED is obtained, he can bypass high school and begin classes at the local community college in the fall. AJ seems positive and driven to resume schooling, but after all of this, I can not make any speculations.
