I guess this is as good a thread as any to interject this.....being on the topic of skinheads and anti-heroes.
I have pretty strong opinions about people who dress to a certain extreme, or cultivate a lifestyle based on an extreme ideal. Back then, you had to seriously pay a price for the music you listened to, or the clothes you wore. If you were Punk or even New Wave, there was only one group you could run with and that was others like you. I hated that. Why couldnt I make friends who didnt necessarily listen to The Ramones or New Order?
In short, I call it the "I Want to be Different, Just Like Everyone Else" Syndrome.
About 5 days ago I decided to shave my head completely. And I mean shaven; not artfully redesigned into some funky, color-infused peacock display....I mean a good old down-to-earth-home-clip-job-on-the bathroom-floor, shaven.
I did it not because I wanted to be a butch dyke, or a skinhead or so I would fit in at the Agnostic Front show....I did it because I figured it was the best way to force me to be honest with myself and others about what I want to achieve. Okay, I know this sounds like bullshit, but let me explain.
I am your slightly a-typical housewife type, I have a kid, I shop at Whole Foods, I drive a pretensious European automobile. I dont really have any close friends because I have chosen to separate myself from all of the "Wives", or better known as the "women married to all of my husband's friends". I dont like American Idol or Survivor or Desperate Housewives. Now, this doesnt mean that I havent attempted to conform to my current presented lifestyle, I go to the functions, I watch the shows (under duress only) and I glance at the gossip rags on the shelves at HEB when I am checking out so I can know whats going on with Brangelina during the weekly card nite get-together. I am miserable most of the time unless I am day dreaming about what I would really want my life to be like. I am not ungrateful, mind you....but I am not being true to my values either.
I became certain that shaving my head was the answer to all of this. I knew that everyone would be forced to judge me. I knew I would be forced to pursue my goals of having my own business and being successful on my own terms....because I wasnt going to qualify for a desk job anymore in an interview. I knew my "friends" would have to decide if they wanted me over for girls nite anymore or to be seen with me in public. I really thought that it would help to clarify my environment so I could stop justifying my.....well, my justifications.
In truth, I didnt do it to fit IN, I did it to fit OUT so that I could be true to who I wanted to be, not what was being expected of me by people I didnt even care that much about anyway.
In many ways its been like getting a clean slate....clean head=clean slate. People stare sometimes, they compliment me sometimes, they ask me if I am sick sometimes....and it doesnt bother me. I dont dress all in black or wear a chain wallet or have excessive tattoos. You can still find me in my soccer-mom capris and flip flops. But I am not taken for granted anymore....nor do I take my environment for granted either. I dont think you have to give yourself over completely to an extreme ideal in order to express yourself....people just sometimes need a little reality....and I dont mean of the television variety.
I will be very honest and say that I have always counted on a certain amount of attractiveness that I believed I possesed. It gave me confidence and helped me socially where I might have faltered otherwise. I wanted to see what would happen if I cast it off. A vanity purge.
So far so good. Ill keep anyone updated who cares.