On 2006-02-16 06:20:00, odie wrote:
"I figured its about time I asked this question. I've seen all the negative responses to the different treatment modalities but nothing said of anything that works. Let me give an example of a ficticious case and I'd like to hear what people think is the best way to handle the person.
14 yo girl that has been drinking a six pack of beer on weekends and 4 or 5 joints with it since she was 12 years old. Has been to outpatient counseling for a year but continues to use. Grades have been falling for three years. Has little respect for authority figures. Has been expelled from school due to keying teacher's car.
What would you do?No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats---approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
--Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
"
Hmmm... well, first I want to know why the person explaining their daughters issues completely leaves out the family situation at home. Is the girl having problems with her father? Her mother? Perhaps she does not get a long with her new step-parent? Was she recently told she was adopted? What is the family situation like? Is there abuse going on in the household?
These are the first questions I would ask, having a twin sister my exact same age, who acted out just as much as me, we can now easily discuss the reasons why. It was our family situation, we were acting out as a tool to cover our pain and get attention from anyone willing to give it to us.
So first, I would delve into the family situation, since the out-patient therapy had little effect, it's obvious drug use and alcohol use itself are not the problem, just symptoms of the greater disease, whatever that might be.
After that, I would figure out how she is getting alcohol and marijuana. Someone over 21 must be buying it for her? Where is she getting the money for that much alcohol and weed? Am I, as a parent enabling her by giving her the money, or is she stealing it, or worse using guys to get it for her and giving god-knows what in return? Once I figured that out, I would solve the problem. If it were older guys, I as a father would confront them, in no uncertain terms, and warn them to back off. If they continued supplying a minor with illegal substances I would call the police and have them arrested.
Then I would make her write an apology letter to the teacher. I would make her research how pathetically low paid our teachers are, and require her to pay for the repairs to the car. I would not call the police on this one, only make her take responsibility for her actions by both apologizing and paying for the damages. If she is too young to get a 'normal' job outisde the house, I will let her do work around the house for me, or the neighbors, or family members.
Most importantly though, I would try and figure out why she would rather escape into drunkeness and highness than live life sober. There is always a reason. I would not use the AA/NA approach, I think that is a ridiculous method, and only sets someone up for failure. She is 14, she will slip up again, that's part of life. The fact she is smoking weed and drinking alcohol is better than her snorting meth and shooting heroin. I would want to step in and help her overcome whatever problems she was having, to prevent the drug and alcohol use from getting worse and moving into harder drugs.
Like DJ said, I would have her see a psychiatrist, see if there are any psychological disorders going on. If she wanted, and the doctor agreed, perhaps try an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication, although I am not really overly impressed by medicating teens, I think that is just covering up the problem too in some cases.
Lastly, I would involve myself more in her life in a positive way. I think it's important the child is not scared of the parent, but feels comfortable telling them the truth, even if it might get them in trouble. I was always afraid to approach my dad, so I hid everything from him. Finally, one day he found out everything I had been doing, and it was a great shock. I don't want my relationship with my child to be this way.
I believe in the philosophy of helping someone, even if they continue down a path you do not desire. All you can do is try your best to steer them back in the right direction, but I do not believe in forcing teens into behavior mod schools like WWASPS or PROVO. I was mistreated at SCL, a WWASPS school, and because of that, of course I would never seek treatment for my teen in that type of environment. ESPECIALLY if they were only 14.
If for some reason, I did feel removing the child from their environment was necessary, as many program parents do, I would do one of two things. First option, move the entire family. Second option, take my teen traveling with myself.
Sounds crazy, but hear me out. WWASPS school cost my dad about $3500/month to keep me there. If he had he kept that money instead, and we traveled around together by ourselves, talking things out -- it would have been money much better spent. The best time I ever had with him was the roadtrip up to SCL (as ironic as that sounds). I was finally able to open up to him, and we started being more open with eachother. But then he dropped me off at SCL... and things went downhill from there, once seperated our relationship drifted apart and never recovered. WWASPS was a big mistake, believe me -- for our entire family. With the amount of money he spent on WWASPS we could have traveled around the entire country, Europe and then some. It might have been difficult for him job-wise, but even if he cut the amount of months in half, the extra money spent on WWASPS was more than the pay he would have missed.
All we ever needed was some good, inclusive family therapy, and to remove all the fear and tension so we could communicate. We didn't really even need the 'therapy' other than the fact, the therapist made a good mediator. It got to the point we couldn't talk to each other, but being out of the normal environment, traveling around just me and him, it was great and would have helped me a lot more than WWASPS ever did. Obviously this doesn't apply to every situation, but in my own situation back then, it would have worked. Things would be a lot different with my family.
And reading about a 14 year old girl with those behaviors, it sounds like family issues, and maybe time spent together in a fun, positive and different environment can open up the lines of communication to a healthy level. I'm no expert though, that's for sure! :wave:
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
-- Aristotle
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