Ok, I wanted to read the rest of the thread and make a more thoughtful answer to the question about who/what to believe.
I can't address or control how others view the content here or how they respond. I'm talkin' just me here, what I think, how I sort it out or not.
Please don't take it personally that I don't take your word 100% about your daughter's troubles. And I didn't even really speak accurately that I'm not sure the kid is troubled. I know she's been through a program (I mean, unless you're litterally making the whole thing up out of whole cloth, and that seems very unlikely... remotely possible, but... come on now) I know you, her mother, bought into that. I retain some doubt about the BPD dx. Frankly, I hear that term about as often now as we used to hear about all the masses of dyslexic kids (i.e. any kid who ever switched their b's and d's when learning how to write)
So yeah, that alone and a few other details strongly suggest adequate explanation for the girl being distressed. It may very well NOT be an inherent dysfunction in her. It may just as easily (maybe more) be situational. I'm also pleased (as pleased I can be about the fortunes of a couple of relative strangers) that you and she both want to work this out.
And, now this is just my opinion. I do NOT think you're the worst mother ever. Honestly, as program parents go, I've seen you hanging around here, seeking opposing viewpoints, entertaining notions you were probably not strictly encouraged by the Program to entertain. And now that the Program's done and things are... well, not as wonderful as you may have hoped, you're actively seeking advice from people who have been right where you are. Moreover, you're not blindly following anybody at all, but keeping your own council.
Good Mom! I mean that. You KNOW I don't go around blowing sunshine up people's skirts. I mean that sincerely.
But about what to believe. I know a couple of brothers who fight all the time. Hell, the whole family fights all the damned time. So if one of these kids comes to me and says something about a deal on tires or where to get the best fish sandwich, I'll believe him. If the conversation starts out with "My brother...." I know that, if I want to be kind to this kid and lend an ear, I'm in for a long line of bullshit.
It just depends. But I honestly DON't believe everything bad and nothing good, even about these programs. When I fist started down this rabbit hole, the first place to come to my attention was SAFE Inc. I'd read some material, some by parents who had pulled or were trying to regain custody of their kids. I talked to a couple of them on the phone. I checked as much as I could of their stories and whatever public records I could easily find. I was impressed enough to plan a protest, put together the text for flyers, budget the cost of materials, gas and all that, pull together a group of people who might be interested in participating and then I waited.
See, I didn't really believe it. I been took for a fool before and I wasn't into making the same mistake twice. At the time, there had been an investigative reporter from a Miami tv station promising an earth shaking bombshell of a report. I wasn't sure that would happen. I remember when 60 Minutes did their thing on Straight. I was not impressed. So I waited and I waited, then the 2000 Florida Election scandal broke, and I was just sure I'd be spending that cash on something other than gas and printing. But they ran the story anyway.
Here it is:
28 DAZE http://fornits.com/anonanon/video/wami.ram
This news segment by Alan Cohn of The Times (WAMI Miami) on SAFE, Orlando (a Straight spin off) aired just after the 2000 election, in spite of competing headlines. We're ever grateful to Mr. Cohn and WAMI for doing such a good job of exposing this outfit and for allowing us to distribute recordings. (better copies are available in AVI file format or on Video)
I was extremely impressed. I made a recording, got permission from Alan Cohn to put it on CD and went into production w/ all the propaganda. Around 20 other people who had been in Straight or the Seed in locations from St. Pete to Cincinatti to Virginia were also impressed enough to show up for that protest.
It just depends, ya know? I don't have a hard and fast, secret patented formula for devining the truth in every situation. Sure wish I did, but then we should always be careful what we wish for.
Now, all that and I still haven't really said much. This is a difficult question, isn't it?
I wouldn't take any single fact from any post on this forum as absolutely objective, certain truth. But taken all together in the context of what else I know, what others have to say on the topic, who the speakers are and how much sense the story makes, well then you can get a fairly decent idea of how the land lays.
The Church says that the earth is flat, but I know that it is round, for I have seen the shadow on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.
--Ferdinand Magellan, Portuguese and Spanish explorer
_________________
Drug war POW
Straight, Sarasota
`80 - `82