Well, it is so good to hear a voice from the time when I was involved with this, it validates my experience. I'd love to hear from you.
It is interesting the way we were so segregated by gender, even as graduates. I remember being asked by staff to help one of the girls move a couch from their apartment, and it felt like such a privilege to talk with one ot the girls in their own space, like a normal person! When I left the seed, I was 26 years old and I had barely spoken to anyone of the opposite sex since I was 19. Dating was difficult, and I felt the need to tell anyone that I was interested in about my cult-ish experience, which was difficult because I barely understood it myself.
It's interesting to me that you were able to keep in touch with other graduates and maintain friendships. When I left in '86 it was a complete break, and had to be because I was still living in a group apartment, going to raps, taken home newcomers, etc. So - I had to sneak out and start over completely.
Elsewhere on this thread Ginger says she didn't know she couldn't have been forced into the seed by the late 70s, and Greg talks about violence. I think for those of us who were there in the later days, it was coercion from the inside. We were taught we couldn't make it on our own, and that the seed was infallable. As a newcomer, I definitely felt compelled to stay, with oldcomers poking me in the back to sit up, staring me down, yelling at me in raps, and having an arm around my shoulder whenever I left the building - not to mention the humiliation of being strip searched, having to leave the bathroom door open, etc.
Earlier I said cult-like. I think I modify it because, although we were compelled to completely conform to the Seed standards, we weren't being asked to do anything immoral or violent - in my day. We were just supposed to marginalize our personalities completely to the group, which was harmful. But no one asked us to drink toxic Kool-aid.
But - it was quite an adjustment to being on my own, and to this day, it influences the way I experience life. Like you, I spend a pretty big chunk of my formative years voluntarily (sort of) attached to the program. Thinking I was helping to save the world. And like you, I had doubts that finally lead me to leave.
Finally, I hope you are doing well with your life, I think I am, and I can really say I am happy. Can you believe it is 20 years or so since you left?
_________________
Wally Gator[ This Message was edited by: cleveland on 2005-08-24 12:08 ]