Side/after effects and symptoms from CEDU Schools

[try another castle]

On 2006-02-26 18:42:00, Anonymous wrote:

"my cousin recently graduated from MMA & she is doing great!"

Maybe you should post in the MMA forum. Not saying you aren't welcome here, just saying that you would probably generate more of a discussion over there.

[Angel Lux]

I relate to many of these posts.  Because of my lack of ability to adhere to social standards post-CEDU, those who get to know me look on me as a bit ?off?.  In fact, people call me crazy all the time.  It's supposed to be a term of endearment amongst my friends, but it bothers me that I'm viewed as abnormal for reasons beyond my control.  Otherwise, I appear to live a fairly normal life on the outside (job, condo, boyfriend, hobbies, whatever), but internally I struggle with many symptoms reminiscent of PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc.

Innate or traumatized?  Possibly a combination of the two, but I know one thing for sure: CEDU hurt me more than it helped.[ This Message was edited by: Angel Lux on 2006-03-02 12:18 ][ This Message was edited by: Angel Lux on 2006-03-02 12:19 ]

[never]

i feel i cant have fun in life anymore because they brainwash me to be this cookiecutter person. with there score cards. you are constantly being checked off on your behavior every 15 minutes. you are reduced to a score card a sheet of paper that is your identaty.when your in the real world you cant function because they made you be who they wanted you to be. a boaring unhappy person. in other words. THE BEHAVIOR MOD MOLDED YOU INTO WHAT THEY WANTED YOU TO BE.

[Anonymous]

No, the behavior mod molded YOU into what they wanted YOU to be. Speak for yourself man, they could try to mod me all they want. I'm a free spirited motherfucker. I was at CEDU for almost 3 damn years and I am livin' it up these days.

[Anonymous]

oviously not if your on this site. anonymous is that the best you can do. cutting people down and if you are so smart why dont you tell me how you get your dick so high up your mouth.

[Anonymous]

why am i posting anonymous because i am not the one cutting people down all day like a computer geeek

[Anonymous]

I post anon cause I dont want people to know who I am! HAHA and cause my spelling sucks.

[Anonymous]

On 2006-03-08 14:07:00, Anonymous wrote:

"oviously not if your on this site. anonymous is that the best you can do. cutting people down and if you are so smart why dont you tell me how you get your dick so high up your mouth."

I post on this site, therefore I can't be livin' it up? Are you stupid? Maybe if I was posting at 11:30 PM on a Friday night, I suppose. But I like this site cuz it's cool to see how other people took their experiences. It's also cool to see what CEDU was like back in the day. And of course it's cool to get back in touch with old friends that fell off.

I don't know if you ever went to college, but some of these classes are boring as fuck! Makes it hard NOT to break out the laptop and jump on fornits for a bit. I know, I know, you'd rather be jerkin' off to some gay porn. It's cool, I won't judge you.

[Anonymous]

lets stop this stuip fighting. i dont no why you started with me and also i dont no why i continued. were did you go which brown school. you no it is funny but you remind me of some one in one of my raps.

[Anonymous]

I didn't start with you, all I did was call you out because you made a stupid blanket statement. You're the one who got all butthurt and took it personal and tried to attack me. But believe me, I'll start with whoever I want.

[never]

which brown school did you go to. i am just wondering.

[draksterd]

"I can think of a few side affects that you don't even realize until years after the program. One is that you lose your sense of boundaries. You overshare at inappropriate times or you distance yourself when you shouldn't because you are used to people exploiting and distorting your feelings, disregarding your thoughts and feelings in favor of program thinking. Also, you may have picked up some of the useless and abominable ways of interacting. The real world ain't gonna respond to your little rap tactics too favorably. Basically, I think it fucks with your interrelating skills and your ability to set boundaries, because NO ONE respected any boundaries."



this is so true.  it took me years to learn to keep my mouth shut and not get into a dmc (deep meaningful conversation) with a total stranger, or 'confront' my family members and friends. or 'share my feelings' with them.  with age and maturity you eventually get over it since life kicks your ass much harder than cedu ever could.  if there is an upside to the things i learned in raps, it's how to totally out talk, out argue and generally fuck with someone's head if needed.

[Sentinel]

On 2006-01-12 19:34:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Total fear of confrontation.  

Lack of confidence.

Isolation because of this.

Lack of friends, didn't want to get close to anyone.

Total anger for having to go there and experience that bullshit.

Crappy relationship with my family.

when i went back home i became more depressed and withdrawn than i'd ever been before.  I wanted to be alone all the time. didnt feel comfortable at all around friends i had known before i got sent away.

[3BeanSalad]

I still have side effects.

The biggest being that I feel "different" than anyone who hasn't gone to RMA/Cedu.

The second biggest now realizing RMA/Cedu has traumatized me.  Here is an example...  Right now, 20 years after RMA/Cedu/Hilltop I am "in my shit" and feeling dirty about it.  I am not dirty but I feel dirty and like I should be on bans from everyone because I am in my shit.  I believe we were trained to believe that "being in your shit" is bad like being dirty is bad.  Instead of looking forward to seeing a handful of RMA Old-timers this weekend I'm feeling like maybe it's better I stay away so I don't drag them down with me, and feeling like this sucks.  Is there anyone else who has felt like I do right now?

The third being I have no tolerance for crowds, period.  

Here's my edit - Forget "side effects".  It has been 20 years since I attended RMA/Cedu/Hilltop.  It's permanent DAMAGE.  Not side effects.

[ This Message was edited by: 3BeanSalad on 2006-03-23 00:45 ]

[Anonymous]

On 2006-03-23 00:34:00, 3BeanSalad wrote:

Here's my edit - Forget "side effects".  It has been 20 years since I attended RMA/Cedu/Hilltop.  It's permanent DAMAGE.  Not side effects.



[ This Message was edited by: 3BeanSalad on 2006-03-23 00:45 ]"

Its been 17 years since I went there so I get how you feel.  Um yeah that is definately one word to describe it. DAMAGED. Does anyone else ever wonder "what is even normal?", after being there your sense of reality sure does get shafted :silly: