Well, how bout these/this staff PM me and devulge their name. I will be honest about what I remember about you and expect the same. I am actually shaking , having to quazi-face you again, as it is obvious I have faced you in the past. I can tell you there were a small hand full of staff that treated me the best they could. Mr.K - I can describe him...ultimately, He oversaw my being abused daily. Do you have any idea what it was like to sit htere for 6.5 months staring at the floor waiting for the next slam to the floor? I did nothing! I did nothing to deserve any of it, I didn't even use drugs before straight. I was a run-away at times (local)..That was it. Do you know what it has done to me? I am pouring tears atm thinking of it all. You staff people let them keep me on consquences for 6.5 months, I was restrained almost everyday, I bled on the floor, I gasped for air, I thought I would die everyday. You forced me to wear a filthy while sweater and spit on me and made other ppl hold me while it was happening. You people stood me up every single day because I refused to comply with the insanity. You stood me up and cussed at me, called me a liar, said I was a whore, told me my family didn't love me, refused to let me have my own thoughts, hid me away in intake rooms during open meetings, refused to let me see my family, refused me a doctor. You staff people told me I would rot on first phase forever, you (staff) called me Marshmellow. Do you really have any clue what you took part in? Do you realize how you participated in destroying my soul? Do you realize how you participated in tearing my family apart? Do you really know? Consquences for 6.5 months... do you know what that did to me? Still today? I wasn't even allowed to speak. I was given talk 1 time (supervised by Ilene G.), somehow... I put in a withdraw every day they would let me, You participated in refusing me an attorney or social services. Do you know I will never have children because I was refused medical care? Do you really know?
I remember it. All too well. I hurt. I have hurt since that day they lied to me and left me there. Do you remember the phrase "yea, keychains and butter knives" When I'd tell of fights I had scene. Do you remember the withdraws everyday? Did you know I was in horrible physical pain? Do you remember when my parents finally came to get me when Paula told me I was terminated or being withdrawn? It was Halloween night after I had been blasted in review after open meeting, freshly spit on by Lisa D. and Kelly S.? I was dressed as a clown sorta for halloween, Do you remember that? Do you remember me sitting there with puddles of tears under my chair while Allison W. and Margret would force me to motivate and face forward? You let that all happen to me, All of it. Do you remember me laying there being held down on the floor bleeding? I didn't know any rock songs to even yell out.... Do you remember how alone I was? Do you remember where I left that little girl who was me? I know she is still sitting in that chair staring at the floor, alone. Do you remember when rock was young? Where is Karem today? Does he still sing? Where is Jason H. who use to try and comfort me in the back of group or Jim G. who just tried to be fair to me, Where is Kelly S. She always looked so strung out. Did Sue really get kicked from staff for coke? Where is Jojo, she was ok to me. Where is Alicia? WHO ARE YOU, and did you abuse me? Did you stand back and let them destroy my soul? I have soooo much to say to staff who held me captive and destroyed any integrity I had. Am I angry? Hell yes I am. I have every right to be. Do I think it was your fault personally? Who knows, only you know what you did to us on staff.
Were you a girl? were you an oldcomer of mine? or did you ever attempt to comfort me? How about that, Do you believe I was there now? Do you believe I was abused? Do you believe I was damaged by that place?
Please don't come here and speak of my experience like it was summer camp. Don't act like I am less than for not complying. To that alone, How dare you or anyone, As you can plainly see I was severely effected by the abuse I endured partly under your direction. What do you expect me to say ? Thanks? Well I'm sorry, you will never get that from me. I will never forget, someday I may forgive. Today is not that day. I will not be a raving lunitic to you or at you, so don't worry. I just need to understand how you or anyone could have stood by and allowed this to happen to me. I need you to see what happened to me, I need you to see this is still happening to children all over the country.
I do have a fairly ok life now, but it has been one hell of a ride since my 14th birtday present...
