Hyde is definately reading this board

[Lars]

I was recently contacted by a guy who I went to school with there who is now a faculty member.  They had been reading the discussions on this board and figured out who I was.  Interestingly, this faculty member was quite puzzled as to why I had such strong negative feelings aboout my experience there.  After all, I was the guy who won the "golden shovel" award - given to the student who spent the most time spent on 2/4  for the most good - whatever that meant.

It was a civil conversation.  The guy was someone I always liked and respected.  I tried to explain how I felt without being hostile.  Clearly, they're concerned.  I'm not sure if they really understand that some of the more successful students hated the place even after they learned to play the game, fly under the radar & survive so they could get the hell out.  In any event,  our phone conversation reminded me that many of the folks there truly believe that they're doing great work.  Those of us who are speaking out need to voice our concerns in a logical & coherent way.  Of course, the Hyde folks need to understand  and accept that for people like me, the experience sucked on every level and left scars.

This faculty member suggested that I should come back to the campus and talk to Malcolm, Laura & Joe about how I feel.  Frankly, I don't really feel like doing that.  I told the guy that getting stuff off my chest on this site was good for me.  It was clear that the powers that be in Bath aren't happy about this website, but they know they can't do anything about it.

Should I bother to talk to these people?  Part of me says yeah, give 'em an earful.  The other part says nah, what's the point - I've said what I want to say here.  I dunno, any former Hyde students who feel the way I do have any thoughts on this?

[Anonymous]

On 2005-11-30 18:24:00, Lars wrote:

"I was recently contacted by a guy who I went to school with there who is now a faculty member.  They had been reading the discussions on this board and figured out who I was.  Interestingly, this faculty member was quite puzzled as to why I had such strong negative feelings aboout my experience there.  After all, I was the guy who won the "golden shovel" award - given to the student who spent the most time spent on 2/4  for the most good - whatever that meant.



It was a civil conversation.  The guy was someone I always liked and respected.  I tried to explain how I felt without being hostile.  Clearly, they're concerned.  I'm not sure if they really understand that some of the more successful students hated the place even after they learned to play the game, fly under the radar & survive so they could get the hell out.  In any event,  our phone conversation reminded me that many of the folks there truly believe that they're doing great work.  Those of us who are speaking out need to voice our concerns in a logical & coherent way.  Of course, the Hyde folks need to understand  and accept that for people like me, the experience sucked on every level and left scars.



This faculty member suggested that I should come back to the campus and talk to Malcolm, Laura & Joe about how I feel.  Frankly, I don't really feel like doing that.  I told the guy that getting stuff off my chest on this site was good for me.  It was clear that the powers that be in Bath aren't happy about this website, but they know they can't do anything about it.



Should I bother to talk to these people?  Part of me says yeah, give 'em an earful.  The other part says nah, what's the point - I've said what I want to say here.  I dunno, any former Hyde students who feel the way I do have any thoughts on this?  "

I'm intrigued by your question about whether it makes sense to return to campus to talk to Malcolm, Laura, Joe, etc.  Here's a key question that I'm unable to answer from the way you've framed this: Is there ANY evidence that the senior Hyde administrators are requesting this meeting, or is this merely your former classmate's idea?  If it's the latter, my gut feeling is that it would be a set-up.  I'd predict that you'd share your concerns and get a truck load of standard Hyde-speak in response. You'd get the predictable, naive, and superficial cliches that Hyde utters in response to nearly everything.  I can hear the comments now about the apple falling close to the tree, your attitude, betting on the truth, and all the other scripted lingo.  I'd predict you'd leave there feeling unheard, manipulated, angry, frustrated and full of "Why did I do this?  Why did I think this would do any good?" feelings.  The best comparison I can think of is the chronically abused wife who keeps coming back for more, believing that THIS time maybe the tyrant has changed.  Then, she gets whacked again and wonders why she set herself up for this abuse.  That's the set-up I'd be concerned about.  I don't have the slightest bit of confidence that Hyde can be reformed.  In so many ways Hyde resembles the domestic violence perpetrator -- arrogant, controlling, defensive, resistant to change.  The only way to escape that kind of abuse is to flee the scene and not be seduced into returning.  See?

However, if the Hyde administrators REALLY want to hear from you, I think they should take the initiative.  I'd wait for them.  If they reach out to you, I'd set firm ground rules.  I'd insist that you not do this alone -- that you should be able to assemble a group of people who feel similarly and who agree to express themselves in a civil way.  That way it's not you against the Hyde world, you'd have support, and you can't be accused of being the only one who has these intense anti-Hyde sentiments.

There's no doubt that there's a critical mass of people who feel as you do.  This website proves that, plus there are other vocal critics out there.  I'd take full advantage of that.  

Of course, an alternative and rational response to all this is: Let Hyde twist in the wind.  The only reason this website has stirred up so much Hyde dirt is that Hyde is often a terribly destructive environment -- maybe not for everyone, but clearly for many.  So, Hyde made their own bed; let them lie in it (sorry for the mixed metaphor).  You say folks at Hyde are very concerned about this website.  Good.

[Lars]

Actually, it was pretty obvious that the other party that came away from the conversation frustrated.  I stuck to my guns and kept telling him, "this is how I feel - I can't change that and you can't change that."  For a while, he kept trying to convince me that I was wrong, that I'd really had a positive experience.  Within a short amount of time he realized that he was dealing with a different animal entirely.  Not a confused kid or a desperate parent or a former student who was still "finding himself," but a successful & confident person who made it through their program and wouldn't shy away from telling them, albeit however nicely and respectfully, that they're full of of shit.  And that is just WAY out of their league.  Maybe, too, it's tough for them to deal with the idea that they inflicted unnecessary suffering on good kids who needed something different and better. Maybe not,  they're pretty arrogant in their belief that their approach is the right way for all kids.  Either way, I have no expectation of changing them.  It's simply a matter of finally being able to tell them what I really think.  

One thing's for sure, It's a hell of a lot different when they have no power over you.   :smile:

[Anonymous]

On 2005-11-30 19:56:00, Lars wrote:

"Actually, it was pretty obvious that the other party that came away from the conversation frustrated.  I stuck to my guns and kept telling him, "this is how I feel - I can't change that and you can't change that."  For a while, he kept trying to convince me that I was wrong, that I'd really had a positive experience.  Within a short amount of time he realized that he was dealing with a different animal entirely.  Not a confused kid or a desperate parent or a former student who was still "finding himself," but a successful & confident person who made it through their program and wouldn't shy away from telling them, albeit however nicely and respectfully, that they're full of of shit.  And that is just WAY out of their league.  Maybe, too, it's tough for them to deal with the idea that they inflicted unnecessary suffering on good kids who needed something different and better. Maybe not,  they're pretty arrogant in their belief that their approach is the right way for all kids.  Either way, I have no expectation of changing them.  It's simply a matter of finally being able to tell them what I really think.  



One thing's for sure, It's a hell of a lot different when they have no power over you.   :smile: "

I have a lot of respect for you Lars.  You are clearing your concience in YOUR way, not Hydes! You obviously didn't care if Hyde knew who you are as you gave full details of your life at Hyde and after Hyde.

I went to Hyde, I graduated from Hyde, and I would never go back to tell them what I think.  My reasons might be different from yours, but I don't want to give them any power over me ever again.  I know who I am, I know who they are, and I simply feel sorry for all the other victims who will pass through those halls and sit in the  auditorium for the indoctrination.  

I think they are full of it if they say they want to know how we feel.  They are not stupid.  They know how many parents have paid tuition yet their kids never finished the year, nor did they return the monies.  They don't want real statistics or they would have them on hand.  They chose to say 98% of all graduates are accepted into a four year college.  We all know how they are twisting this statistic!

They know what they did to some of us, and they know how they have handled certain situations and complaints!  Nahhhh, I sure wouldn't go head to head with them, but that is me.  I don't need it. Expressing myself on this site is good enough for me.

They are so far gone they will never try to change their ways.  Joe Gauld has all his followers convinced that his way is the only way.  Why would Malcolm be any different?  They taught us that our parents must change in order for us to change.  We also learned that "the apple doesn't fall far."  If this is the case then what about Joe's kids and the apple falling far?  He hasn't changed his thinking so why would they be any different?

I hate to sound like Hyde Lars, but you need to listen to your concience and do what will be therapeutic for you.  Don't confront them because someone else thinks you should.  If you are to do it, do it because it is what YOU want to do!  

Just some thoughts outloud.  Hope you take them the way they are meant.

[Anonymous]

On 2005-11-30 18:24:00, Lars wrote:

"I was recently contacted by a guy who I went to school with there who is now a faculty member.  They had been reading the discussions on this board and figured out who I was.  Interestingly, this faculty member was quite puzzled as to why I had such strong negative feelings aboout my experience there.  After all, I was the guy who won the "golden shovel" award - given to the student who spent the most time spent on 2/4  for the most good - whatever that meant.



It was a civil conversation.  The guy was someone I always liked and respected.  I tried to explain how I felt without being hostile.  Clearly, they're concerned.  I'm not sure if they really understand that some of the more successful students hated the place even after they learned to play the game, fly under the radar & survive so they could get the hell out.  In any event,  our phone conversation reminded me that many of the folks there truly believe that they're doing great work.  Those of us who are speaking out need to voice our concerns in a logical & coherent way.  Of course, the Hyde folks need to understand  and accept that for people like me, the experience sucked on every level and left scars.



This faculty member suggested that I should come back to the campus and talk to Malcolm, Laura & Joe about how I feel.  Frankly, I don't really feel like doing that.  I told the guy that getting stuff off my chest on this site was good for me.  It was clear that the powers that be in Bath aren't happy about this website, but they know they can't do anything about it.



Should I bother to talk to these people?  Part of me says yeah, give 'em an earful.  The other part says nah, what's the point - I've said what I want to say here.  I dunno, any former Hyde students who feel the way I do have any thoughts on this?  "

You gave them the earful through this site.  Why go back and frustrate yourself?

[Anonymous]

Trust your instincts Lars.  If you feel it will help you by confronting them, go for it.  If your instincts tell you it won't accomplish anything, listen to them.

The fact that someone from the school contacted you tells me they are worried about you and what you are saying on this site. I wouldn't doubt if Hyde picked out this particular friend to contact you thinking you would be receptive to him.  I don't trust Hyde or their intentions.

[Anonymous]

On 2005-11-30 19:56:00, Lars wrote:

"Actually, it was pretty obvious that the other party that came away from the conversation frustrated.  I stuck to my guns and kept telling him, "this is how I feel - I can't change that and you can't change that."  For a while, he kept trying to convince me that I was wrong, that I'd really had a positive experience.  Within a short amount of time he realized that he was dealing with a different animal entirely.  Not a confused kid or a desperate parent or a former student who was still "finding himself," but a successful & confident person who made it through their program and wouldn't shy away from telling them, albeit however nicely and respectfully, that they're full of of shit.  And that is just WAY out of their league.  Maybe, too, it's tough for them to deal with the idea that they inflicted unnecessary suffering on good kids who needed something different and better. Maybe not,  they're pretty arrogant in their belief that their approach is the right way for all kids.  Either way, I have no expectation of changing them.  It's simply a matter of finally being able to tell them what I really think.  



One thing's for sure, It's a hell of a lot different when they have no power over you.   :smile: "

I think you're right on the money with your last comment.  Hyde is so used to being in control, unchallenged, calling the shots.  Joe Gauld and company are so deeply in the mindset of telling other people what to do with their lives (wrapped around messages that Hyde families need to take control of their own lives).  My guess is that the current situation, where Hyde is being subjected to horrible PR and in a very public way that could affect their enrollments, is rattling their cage.   It's probably killing them that so many people who Google Hyde are seeing these comments. They've never been in this situation -- now THEY (as opposed to Hyde families in FLCs, etc.) are feeling overexposed.  The tables are being turned on Hyde and there's no play for this in the Hyde playbook (that notebook that all of us received when we signed on).  

I wouldn't be surprised if the Hyde senior staff have been caucusing to figure out how to handle this mess.  Perhaps they've debated whether to respond or, instead, to create the impression that they haven't noticed this website so that they don't add fuel to the fire.  I have a feeling they're in a no-win situation, and they know it.  They'd love to respond and try to challenge and discredit what's being said about them (much of it fair, some of it unfair), but there's no easy way for them to do that without getting dragged into a dialogue they don't want to have.  

You say that Hyde knows who you are.  If so, Hyde administrators can respond to you directly on this website.  I'd invite them to do just that.

[Anonymous]

You know, this website does have a lot of negativity, but as far as credibility....no one has identified themselves, except Tommy and Lars partially.
So there could be only a handful of people posting, which gives very little in the way of starting a huge PR mess for Hyde.
There are always people who are unhappy with a product or service, but until you come clean with who you are, we could assume these posts are coming from an extremely vocal minority.

[Lars]

On 2005-12-01 07:30:00, Anonymous wrote:

"You know, this website does have a lot of negativity, but as far as credibility....no one has identified themselves, except Tommy and Lars partially.

So there could be only a handful of people posting, which gives very little in the way of starting a huge PR mess for Hyde.

There are always people who are unhappy with a product or service, but until you come clean with who you are, we could assume these posts are coming from an extremely vocal minority."

We could assume from your post that you are a Hyde faculty member.  Are you willing to identify yourself?

[Anonymous]

On 2005-12-01 07:30:00, Anonymous wrote:

"You know, this website does have a lot of negativity, but as far as credibility....no one has identified themselves, except Tommy and Lars partially.

So there could be only a handful of people posting, which gives very little in the way of starting a huge PR mess for Hyde.

There are always people who are unhappy with a product or service, but until you come clean with who you are, we could assume these posts are coming from an extremely vocal minority."

Why are you not identifying yourself?  I know why I don't identify myself, but what is your reason?

Hyde's rhetoric about "what goes on in the room, stays in the room" is only for the students and parents.  Nothing is sacred at Hyde amongst the staff and because parents and students are sucked into devulging very intimate details of their lives, it could be Russian Roulette devulging our names.  I completely understand why someone would not want to identify themselves.  It is the same reason most parents walk away from Hyde after graduation, never to be seen again.  It is embarassing to be associated with Hyde.

As far as credibility, I don't think someone needs to identify themselves in order to be credible.  You only want to know so you can then look back in your files and see what dirt you have on the person!  The only people who would want to know who is posting is Hyde.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out how many posters are on this site just like it doesn't take a genius to figure out who is posting from Hyde.  It is obvious from the style of writing who the repeats are.  You can also tell whether the posters are on the east coast or west coast based on the "time" they write.  Then again they might have waking hours that don't fall into the norm.

Bottom line, it doesn't matter who any of us are.  IMHO there have been mostly legitimate claims on this site and possibly some that are an exaggeration.  I think that a bright person can figure it out.

[Lars]

On 2005-12-01 07:30:00, Anonymous wrote:


As far as credibility, I don't think someone needs to identify themselves in order to be credible.  You only want to know so you can then look back in your files and see what dirt you have on the person!  The only people who would want to know who is posting is Hyde.

I'm not an expert on school law and the related privacy issues, but I believe that they could get in SERIOUS trouble if they divulged information from student files.  Nobody should be afraid to speak out.  I understand that families still involved with the program could reasonably fear retaliation against their kids - based on my experience there, I'm sure the Hyde people are not above doing that.  But if that's the case, they should be getting out, and fast.

[Anonymous]

On 2005-12-01 11:30:00, Lars wrote:

"

On 2005-12-01 07:30:00, Anonymous wrote:



As far as credibility, I don't think someone needs to identify themselves in order to be credible.  You only want to know so you can then look back in your files and see what dirt you have on the person!  The only people who would want to know who is posting is Hyde.

I'm not an expert on school law and the related privacy issues, but I believe that they could get in SERIOUS trouble if they divulged information from student files.  Nobody should be afraid to speak out.  I understand that families still involved with the program could reasonably fear retaliation against their kids - based on my experience there, I'm sure the Hyde people are not above doing that.  But if that's the case, they should be getting out, and fast. "

When has the law ever stopped Hyde from doing what they want?  I am sure there must be laws which protect children from some of the abuses at Hyde yet when it comes to confronting, parents fear going outside the school! The following are some of the reasons why;

1. Many of Hyde's students have been in trouble previously and fear they will not be believed
2. Many of the parents are well established, well known citizens in their communities, and do not want to bring attention to themselves.
3. Parents fear the intimacies which were spoken about during seminars will be disclosed to the public

Number three is what I think parents fear most.  To be a member of Hyde you are forced to disclose things about yourself that you would never want exposed.  If you don't come up with enough dirt during a seminar, then the school/facilitators encourage your kid to confront you on very personal matters.  You feel backed against a wall in front of many strangers, and it becomes an emotional tug of war till you come out with something sacred, embarassing, humiliating, or otherwise.

So in answer to the following post, there is much more to fear then what might be in a students file.

[Anonymous]

Lars, when you went to Hyde did they put pressure on the parents to recruit other families like they did in the late 90's?

[Lars]

On 2005-12-01 18:15:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Lars, when you went to Hyde did they put pressure on the parents to recruit other families like they did in the late 90's?  



"

I don't recall how much pressure they applied, but I know they had parents in what seemed to be "feeder" towns (affluent suburbs where parents with troubled kids had sent kids to Hyde) like Greenwich, Connecticut or Lexington, Massachussetts hold open houses for prospective parents.[ This Message was edited by: Lars on 2005-12-01 19:22 ]

[Anonymous]

Yes exactly and each "member" was expected to send out a certain many invitations to this little event held in one of the members homes.  It might have been five or ten invitations required, I don't recall.  I felt like I was a hari krishna who was sent out to recruit more members!!  It was a very awkward situation to be put in.  We were paying over $30,000 per year, on top of this we were expected to donate for the annual fundraising, and then we were asked to recruit more families for them.  Does anyone else think this is odd for a "boarding school?"