Author Topic: Former students - Our worst experiences  (Read 8835 times)

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Offline fletch699

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« Reply #30 on: June 19, 2006, 09:21:00 PM »
I don't know Larry Dubinsky, or any of the facts (or rumors, for that matter) surrounding any allegations.  So I'm not qualified to talk about it.

When I was there, I remember a VERY clear policy on boys in girls dorms and girls in boys dorms.  In fact, even when working on projects together, I was never let further than the downstairs rec area of the girls' dorm - I never saw a girls' room, now that I think about it.

So I don't remember a lax sex policy.  I also do not have any recollection of any "mistakes", any mid-year diappearances (for unexplained circumstances), nor any indication that sex was a tolerated activity between students.  And, as far as sex between a student and a teacher is concerned (and putting the legal issues aside for a moment), I can't imagine Hyde tolerating that either.

However, I do have to admit to something that is going to sound quite chauvenistic and possibly misogynistic.  There was, to my 8th grade, 13 year old, hormonally-charged mind, two types of girls at Hyde.  There were those that I would've said were prudish... and those that I would've said were sluttish.  Through the lens of time, I would now say that the prudish girls were actually better classified as introverts... and the sluttish ones would've been extroverts.  And lumping them just into those two categories is unfair.

But from the sluttish side, I did see a few girls who would try to act beyond their years - dressing in a way to attract attention and wearing more makeup than would ever be considered necessary.  As stated in many of my other posts, my guess is that these students were also probably in need of attention that Hyde wasn't equipped to provide.  I further suppose that this need of attention manifested itself in ways that were inappropriate.

This is, of course, no excuse for a person in a position of authority or dominance to take advantage ... and because of the tenuous nature of some of the psyches of these young women, their actions were not necessarily rational nor that of an adult.  Which means that even if someone from the outside were to argue that they were "asking for it" based on their behavior/dress/etc... they simply didn't have the capacity.

All in all, what I'm trying to say (and I think I'm messing it up here royally) is that the type of student who was at Hyde when I was there was generally the type that was looking ... needing ... begging ... for adult attention.  My guess is that the young women (who mature sexually far earlier than the boys) acted in a way that would encourage a less-than-balanced man to react in way that was less than appropriate.

Add that to a place that is already high-stress ... and where the balance of power is on constant display... and I'm guessing you have a sexual powder keg waiting to go off.

This is primarily why many boarding schools are single-gender.  And why many staff members at many boarding schools are only hired if they're older and married.  In fact, in my military school days, I can tell you that of all of the staff, there were only 2 women (an art teacher and a nurse) amongst all of the men.  And I'm guessing they did that for this very reason.

The way to deal with this after the fact is to immediately remove any teacher/administrator who is linked in any material way to any inappropriate behavior.  This is also an unfair reality... but one that has to exist to maintain credibility.  This will, of course, limit certain activities - and will force teacher-pairs at almost everything.  But sometimes that's what's necessary to prevent the so-called "appearance of impropriety."

Anyways, long answer to a short question... and I'm not even sure I answered it.  It's getting late here and I'm not sure I'm thinking totally clearly.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #31 on: June 20, 2006, 12:11:00 PM »
Quote
However, I do have to admit to something that is going to sound quite chauvenistic and possibly misogynistic. There was, to my 8th grade, 13 year old, hormonally-charged mind, two types of girls at Hyde. There were those that I would've said were prudish... and those that I would've said were sluttish. Through the lens of time, I would now say that the prudish girls were actually better classified as introverts... and the sluttish ones would've been extroverts.


Actually sounds like a madonna/whore complex. Two types of women: nice clean wholesome girls who are like your mom, and the nasty slutty ones that want sex.  You may want to see some one about that.

http://www.primal-page.com/madonna.htm
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #32 on: June 20, 2006, 01:25:00 PM »
Fletch talks about the "appearance of impropriety."  Fletch, you haven't been at Hyde for a long time but as the old man gets older, he also is becoming more set in his ways!  He does things HIS way and does not care about anything beyond the walls at Hyde.  

Unfortunately Hyde has their own set of rules and laws.  I've seen them do things that nowadays would be considered child neglect, child abuse, and child endangerment.  I state facts, not rumors.  There was a boy in need of medical help who was left to fend for himself.  This was a case where the parents should have been called but as usual Hyde did what they felt was right.  Staff watched a 15 year old girl walk away in the middle of the night without bothering to ensure her safety.  Never even called the police to try and intercept her.

I could be wrong, but it seems to me that Hyde has a responsibility to keep these students safe from harm and they could be liable when they don't.  I also don't understand this whole scandal about Larry Dubinsky.  If indeed there was a court case against him or the school wouldn't you think they would keep him off campus?  According to the many posts, he has not only been on campus but has been helping to coach a female team.  I was told by a parent that one of the girls was complaining about him this year.

Hyde is not all bad.  As you said Hyde can help a selected few. I think the amount of Alumni who attended the recent gathering tells it all.  Hyde has two campuses and one of those campuses has been in existence for 40 years.  The other one has been in existence 5 years. Hyde probably averages 150-180 students per year at each campus.  There have been some years where there are more students passing through the doors and other years long ago where there were less. One of the posters bragged about how there were 500 people at this Alumni gathering.  Do the math!!  Not very impressive when probably half of that amount were staff and family.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #33 on: June 20, 2006, 01:35:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-06-20 10:25:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Fletch talks about the "appearance of impropriety."  Fletch, you haven't been at Hyde for a long time but as the old man gets older, he also is becoming more set in his ways!  He does things HIS way and does not care about anything beyond the walls at Hyde.  



Unfortunately Hyde has their own set of rules and laws.  I've seen them do things that nowadays would be considered child neglect, child abuse, and child endangerment.  I state facts, not rumors.  There was a boy in need of medical help who was left to fend for himself.  This was a case where the parents should have been called but as usual Hyde did what they felt was right.  Staff watched a 15 year old girl walk away in the middle of the night without bothering to ensure her safety.  Never even called the police to try and intercept her.



I could be wrong, but it seems to me that Hyde has a responsibility to keep these students safe from harm and they could be liable when they don't.  I also don't understand this whole scandal about Larry Dubinsky.  If indeed there was a court case against him or the school wouldn't you think they would keep him off campus?  According to the many posts, he has not only been on campus but has been helping to coach a female team.  I was told by a parent that one of the girls was complaining about him this year.



Hyde is not all bad.  As you said Hyde can help a selected few. I think the amount of Alumni who attended the recent gathering tells it all.  Hyde has two campuses and one of those campuses has been in existence for 40 years.  The other one has been in existence 5 years. Hyde probably averages 150-180 students per year at each campus.  There have been some years where there are more students passing through the doors and other years long ago where there were less. One of the posters bragged about how there were 500 people at this Alumni gathering.  Do the math!!  Not very impressive when probably half of that amount were staff and family.  "


Nice math.  First ten years at Bath the classes were miniscule. But just say for the sake of argument let say 150 student body. That one fifty turns every _four_ years so that is 1500 students total. If each student has two parents then that is 4500 people.  So hyde had an over 10% turn out of all the parents/students that have ever been involved with it.  Hey the Mathamatics at hyde were not that bad.
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Offline fletch699

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« Reply #34 on: June 20, 2006, 01:56:00 PM »
I'm not exactly sure what you want me to respond to from your last post.

In my personal opinion, a boarding school should go above and beyond when it comes to providing a safe place for their students.  An allegation alone should not mean that staff is removed/punished.  However, multiple confirmed allegations, should be dealt with swiftly.

My legal opinion, on the other hand, is that unless and until there is proven harassment/assault, allegations can be very dangerous - especially when in a boarding school environment.

These two opinions create a conflict for me that I'm not sure how to resolve.  If the decision was up to me, I suppose I would do anything and everything in my power to get to the truth as quickly and as least painfully for everyone involved.  And then I would make a decision and stick to it.

But you are also correct, from a legal perspective, that Hyde has a duty to keep the students safe from harm.  If it were to come out that they knowingly had a predator on staff, they could be liable for a significant amount of damages in the event of a problem with that staff person.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #35 on: June 20, 2006, 01:57:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-06-20 10:35:00, Anonymous wrote:

"
Quote

On 2006-06-20 10:25:00, Anonymous wrote:


"Fletch talks about the "appearance of impropriety."  Fletch, you haven't been at Hyde for a long time but as the old man gets older, he also is becoming more set in his ways!  He does things HIS way and does not care about anything beyond the walls at Hyde.  





Unfortunately Hyde has their own set of rules and laws.  I've seen them do things that nowadays would be considered child neglect, child abuse, and child endangerment.  I state facts, not rumors.  There was a boy in need of medical help who was left to fend for himself.  This was a case where the parents should have been called but as usual Hyde did what they felt was right.  Staff watched a 15 year old girl walk away in the middle of the night without bothering to ensure her safety.  Never even called the police to try and intercept her.





I could be wrong, but it seems to me that Hyde has a responsibility to keep these students safe from harm and they could be liable when they don't.  I also don't understand this whole scandal about Larry Dubinsky.  If indeed there was a court case against him or the school wouldn't you think they would keep him off campus?  According to the many posts, he has not only been on campus but has been helping to coach a female team.  I was told by a parent that one of the girls was complaining about him this year.





Hyde is not all bad.  As you said Hyde can help a selected few. I think the amount of Alumni who attended the recent gathering tells it all.  Hyde has two campuses and one of those campuses has been in existence for 40 years.  The other one has been in existence 5 years. Hyde probably averages 150-180 students per year at each campus.  There have been some years where there are more students passing through the doors and other years long ago where there were less. One of the posters bragged about how there were 500 people at this Alumni gathering.  Do the math!!  Not very impressive when probably half of that amount were staff and family.  "




Nice math.  First ten years at Bath the classes were miniscule. But just say for the sake of argument let say 150 student body. That one fifty turns every _four_ years so that is 1500 students total. If each student has two parents then that is 4500 people.  So hyde had an over 10% turn out of all the parents/students that have ever been involved with it.  Hey the Mathamatics at hyde were not that bad. "

WRONG!!  The 4x is totally off and if you are involved at Hyde you would know this. Families come and go constantly at Hyde.  Let's be totally honest here.

Do the math of just the Gauld clan and their extended family who all run the school. Also there were plenty of staff and their families at this event.  Sorry, I don't see this figure of yours as being accurate or even close to it.

Hyde has a very low percentage of Alumni vs families who passed through Hyde.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #36 on: June 20, 2006, 02:44:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-06-20 10:57:00, Anonymous wrote:

"
Quote

On 2006-06-20 10:35:00, Anonymous wrote:


"
Quote


On 2006-06-20 10:25:00, Anonymous wrote:



"Fletch talks about the "appearance of impropriety."  Fletch, you haven't been at Hyde for a long time but as the old man gets older, he also is becoming more set in his ways!  He does things HIS way and does not care about anything beyond the walls at Hyde.  







Unfortunately Hyde has their own set of rules and laws.  I've seen them do things that nowadays would be considered child neglect, child abuse, and child endangerment.  I state facts, not rumors.  There was a boy in need of medical help who was left to fend for himself.  This was a case where the parents should have been called but as usual Hyde did what they felt was right.  Staff watched a 15 year old girl walk away in the middle of the night without bothering to ensure her safety.  Never even called the police to try and intercept her.







I could be wrong, but it seems to me that Hyde has a responsibility to keep these students safe from harm and they could be liable when they don't.  I also don't understand this whole scandal about Larry Dubinsky.  If indeed there was a court case against him or the school wouldn't you think they would keep him off campus?  According to the many posts, he has not only been on campus but has been helping to coach a female team.  I was told by a parent that one of the girls was complaining about him this year.







Hyde is not all bad.  As you said Hyde can help a selected few. I think the amount of Alumni who attended the recent gathering tells it all.  Hyde has two campuses and one of those campuses has been in existence for 40 years.  The other one has been in existence 5 years. Hyde probably averages 150-180 students per year at each campus.  There have been some years where there are more students passing through the doors and other years long ago where there were less. One of the posters bragged about how there were 500 people at this Alumni gathering.  Do the math!!  Not very impressive when probably half of that amount were staff and family.  "







Nice math.  First ten years at Bath the classes were miniscule. But just say for the sake of argument let say 150 student body. That one fifty turns every _four_ years so that is 1500 students total. If each student has two parents then that is 4500 people.  So hyde had an over 10% turn out of all the parents/students that have ever been involved with it.  Hey the Mathamatics at hyde were not that bad. "


WRONG!!  The 4x is totally off and if you are involved at Hyde you would know this. Families come and go constantly at Hyde.  Let's be totally honest here.



Do the math of just the Gauld clan and their extended family who all run the school. Also there were plenty of staff and their families at this event.  Sorry, I don't see this figure of yours as being accurate or even close to it.



Hyde has a very low percentage of Alumni vs families who passed through Hyde."


 So you are saying that my 10% is low since a lot of the folks bail and would not be expected to show at an event like this.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #37 on: September 01, 2006, 04:30:47 PM »
Hyde blows. they tossle ur tangle
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #38 on: September 03, 2006, 11:01:58 AM »
I think the amount of Alumni who attended the recent gathering tells it all. Hyde has two campuses and one of those campuses has been in existence for 40 years. The other one has been in existence 5 years. Hyde probably averages 150-180 students per year at each campus. There have been some years where there are more students passing through the doors and other years long ago where there were less. One of the posters bragged about how there were 500 people at this Alumni gathering. Do the math!! Not very impressive when probably half of that amount were staff and family.

The 150-180 is not accurate at all by today's figures.  You are assuming that if 180 enrolled, 180 stayed the course.  This is wrong. First of all, if the website says Hyde enrolled 180 in a given year, many more than that 180 enrolled and then left or were asked to leave.  Hyde needs to give these true figures in order for their material to be accurate.  The same goes for their very high rate of college acceptances.  Hyde should let us know the percentage of kids who go through the program and are in college after the first year.  If they did provide this you would see a percentage that is not very impressive.

How about it Hyde.  How many kids who have done two years at Hyde, (not necessarily graduated) are in college two years later?
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #39 on: September 03, 2006, 08:03:50 PM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
I think the amount of Alumni who attended the recent gathering tells it all. Hyde has two campuses and one of those campuses has been in existence for 40 years. The other one has been in existence 5 years. Hyde probably averages 150-180 students per year at each campus. There have been some years where there are more students passing through the doors and other years long ago where there were less. One of the posters bragged about how there were 500 people at this Alumni gathering. Do the math!! Not very impressive when probably half of that amount were staff and family.

The 150-180 is not accurate at all by today's figures.  You are assuming that if 180 enrolled, 180 stayed the course.  This is wrong. First of all, if the website says Hyde enrolled 180 in a given year, many more than that 180 enrolled and then left or were asked to leave.  Hyde needs to give these true figures in order for their material to be accurate.  The same goes for their very high rate of college acceptances.  Hyde should let us know the percentage of kids who go through the program and are in college after the first year.  If they did provide this you would see a percentage that is not very impressive.

How about it Hyde.  How many kids who have done two years at Hyde, (not necessarily graduated) are in college two years later?


I agree it would be nice to see the statistics on college graduates. Can anyone provide us with this?
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #40 on: September 04, 2006, 03:57:07 PM »
im going to say this, i am tired of hearing students bitch about basic things, like sports, ohh my coach made me work out wa wa wa. so what .  or brothers keeper, yah it can be a little wack but the part i remember is if a friend is struggling with a drug problem to step in and say hey wtf man.  really if you child is ultra spoiled they don't send tehm there cause they are to fragile to handle anything, and they bitch about everything.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #41 on: September 04, 2006, 03:59:10 PM »
yah, and also when kids try and act like they know everything about a fucking subject, so waht you don't know it all, if you knew anything you would know not to trust the internet.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #42 on: September 04, 2006, 05:31:39 PM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
im going to say this, i am tired of hearing students bitch about basic things, like sports, ohh my coach made me work out wa wa wa. so what .  or brothers keeper, yah it can be a little wack but the part i remember is if a friend is struggling with a drug problem to step in and say hey wtf man.  really if you child is ultra spoiled they don't send tehm there cause they are to fragile to handle anything, and they bitch about everything.


The statement above tells it all.  Please understand I am not discounting what you are saying, but it is obvious you are not a college bound student.  You don't seem like the typical Prep School student. How long have you been at Hyde?  

Hyde does not advertise itself as a program that treats drug addiction yet many kids who have come on this board talk about drug struggles including you.  Aren't our kids better off in a drug addiction facility that has professionals on staff who treat drug addiction?
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #43 on: September 04, 2006, 06:09:22 PM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
im going to say this, i am tired of hearing students bitch about basic things, like sports, ohh my coach made me work out wa wa wa. so what .  or brothers keeper, yah it can be a little wack but the part i remember is if a friend is struggling with a drug problem to step in and say hey wtf man.  really if you child is ultra spoiled they don't send tehm there cause they are to fragile to handle anything, and they bitch about everything.



Then you won't have a problem discussing and debating the "brother's keeper" method of "treatment".........right?
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #44 on: September 05, 2006, 07:14:00 PM »
i am in college, and have been. i spent three years at hyde. forgive any gramatical errors because i am horrible gramaticly.  

i don't consider it treatment at all.  Most kids are just whiney(i was also) and so they tend to exagerate a little.  

i agree that it isn't a place that people with drug addictions sould go.  they belong in a facility with proper treatment and not just A.A.  I am not discounting the sobriety program because i have seen it save lives.  

I have had friends with drug problems and this school has helped to give me the confidence to step up to tehm and put the friendship on the line.  

Also teh way that brothers keeper is defined in the school is not realistic in the real world.  there is no way that someone is going to run to their boss to tell them that another employee stole a pen, or paper.  that is not the "essence" of brothers keeper.  BK is more of looking out for people arpound you and halping them to lead productive lives.  

i won't be saintly and pretend that all my friends live amazing productive lives but also there is a point when you need to let people fail on their own.  when you need to remove all the training wheels and let them fail and then get back up on their own.  most of these kids that go to hyde also have their parents still wanting to hold on the training wheels still.  when all they really need to do is let tehm fail on their own and learn to ask for help.  to know their limits
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