Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum

Did staff ever tell you something wasn't worng when it was?

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Jupiter Survivor:
I guess that sounds a little strange.  I just remembered that when I told Ginger I had a bad headache and the sun was hurting my eyes ( I was in tears pain and we were sitting out in the back of the building in the heat), told me I was "full of shit and acting like a baby".
I didn't go to a dr until I was 19, because I thought it wasn't that bad and didn't want to be told I was weak.


Has anyone else had staff tell you something like that?

Antigen:
No, but I know what you mean. I never would have bothered trying to bring anyting up. The whole time I was in, I kept pretty close to my resolve to never ask for anything. Even in the "wants and needs" list I never asked for candy or anything beyond really essential needs like soap or underwear. I just sidestepped the whole negotiating, begging and confusing feelings of grattitude for getting what I asked for as much as possible.

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
-- F. P. Jones
--- End quote ---

Anonymous:
yup-I had bronchitis in Ft. Lauderdale.  My old-comer took my temp and it was 102.something early in the morning.  I was also coughing up some blood.  Those clowns, er, leaders, didn't believe me.  Two nights later at an open meeting I yelled to my parents to help me.  Thankfully, they insisted on talking to me in person.  All it took was for my mom to feel my forehead and they yanked me out and took me back up to Brevard.   Our family doc met us at his office on Sat. morning and was dismayed and disgusted that I hadn't already received medical treatment.  Bronchitis had turned into pneumonia and I spent two weeks in bed at home.  I had to go back when I recovered and received a reaming from one of the evil bitches (can you tell I am learning that I have a lot of repressed anger from that time?).  I hope they all roast in hell.

Antigen:
Oh yeah, Bronchitis. Looking back, I can't believe how brainwashed I was. I had bronchitis too. I picked it up when I ran away in the spring of `81. I landed up at the Jesus `81 festival in Orlando where some really friendly Pentacostals let me sleep in one of their tents.

It was so bad I had to sleep sitting up. The one time I threw a punch in there was during excercise rap. I couldn't run w/o bringing on a blacking out level cughing fit. So I walked. And one girl after another would come up behind me, shove me in the back or dig their nails into me to try and get me to run.
So my choices were these:


* Just keep on till the next one shoved me off my feet, which would be perceived as misbehaving and get me sat on.

* Explain that I couldn't run, which would have been talking out in group which would have had me on the floor getting sat on.

* Run, bringing on a coughing fit and blacking out, which would have been called "attention seeking" type misbehavior and got me sat on.


So I decided that, before the beating began, I was going to get in one really good knock out blow. The next girl to come up behind me and try and shove me over got a roundhouse to the jaw backed by my full weight. Sadly, she was a really nice person who was only doing what she had to to look good and not get in trouble herself. Amazingly, NOTHING happened! I have no idea why. But I just continued walking, waiting for the mob to take me down, but it just didn't happen. I looked over my shoulder and there were a couple of girls checking on Kim and helping her up off the floor. Not a word was spoken.

I'll never understand that.

Anyway, I don't know how long it took to get to 5th phase. But, during the first week of it, I asked staff permission to take a sick day. They said "You're a 5th phaser, you can decide if you need a sick day". So I went up to the sick room upstairs and slept HARD all day. I think I did that for two or three days in a row.

But, here's the thing. It never occured to me to ask to go to a doctor. That might be seen as attention seeking or trying to avoid group. I thought that if I needed a doctor, why staff or my mother would send me to a doctor. That they didn't was, in my addled little mind, proof that it wasn't that serious.

And here I thought I was resisting the brainwashing! It's just amazing when I think back on these things.


 
Men had better be without education than be educated by their rulers.

--Thomas Hodgskin
--- End quote ---


_________________
Drug war POW
Straight, Sarasota
`80 - `82

NOT12NOW:
I was a bed wetter until I was like 15.  During my intake they asked if I wet the bed but I was twelve, I wasn't going to say, I wet the bed and for some crazy reason parents didn't tell them.  First night the only thing I cared about was not wetting the bed; of course I wet the bed.  My old comers were freaked. I think they just didn't know what they should do with me. Do you yell at a newcomer for wetting her bed?  Their mother was however pissed--really pissed.

I told my old comers it just happened some nights but after a few weeks of it happening most nights and coming home to my mattress balanced above a fan blowing on the stain.   Robin kept me behind after rap.  She sat me in the back row with her next to me as all the other seedlings filed out. When it was a room of empty chairs she started talking.   She told me that they had called my parents and knew my bed wetting wasn't a physical problem.   They knew I was wetting the bed cause I was a druggy and lazy.  She contributed stories from her own past how when she was too lazy to get up to get up at night.

So basically they told me I could stop if I wanted to that I was just being defiant and lazy.  Oddly enough I managed to stay dry every night till I got sent home.

Later in the program, I would talk about it as a tool I used to recognize if my head was getting out of wak. If my head was getting out of wak I wet my bed I said it was,? my unconscious telling me to come down on myself.? (before the group did.)

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