Author Topic: Help. Just 'woke up'. Need Rehab from Rehab  (Read 13266 times)

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Offline Nonconformistlaw

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Help. Just 'woke up'. Need Rehab from Rehab
« on: October 16, 2005, 04:30:00 PM »
Hey, glad you found this...its overwhelming I know. I just accidentally stumbled across this site a couple months ago which opened the floodgates for me as well. I did a good job repressing anything having to do with straight for 20 years.

As hard as it is to read posts here...its a relief that others know exactly what you mean and dont think your crazy. So many things you said made total sense to me.

I was in my last semester of law school and working as a law clerk when I came unglued a couple months ago. I couldnt stop thinking about Straight. I had to take a 90-day medical leave of absence from work and take a leave of absence from school as well. I started counseling last month with a psychologist and was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So yes, I'm getting thearpy to recover from Straight. So far, it seems to be a step in the right direction, but it will take a while to deal with all the anger and other stuff I repressed all these years. So I hope it helps you as well.

Here's what I wrote when I first came across this forum and about my PTSD experience so far.

http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?to ... rt=#122050

http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?to ... rt=#133904

Making new friends here has also helped me tremendously. People I have met or had contact with feel like my brothers and sisters...there's a bond for me because no one else but a Straight Survivor knows where I've been and what it was like. Maybe you will have that experience here as well.

Glad you posted. You are not alone.  ::rainbow::
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quot;In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.\" George Orwell

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2005, 04:34:00 PM »
I sent a couple of names and suggestions for you to your Private Messages. You can find your messages by clicking on Private Messages on the left hand side of the page.
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Offline Antigen

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« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2005, 07:07:00 PM »
Look out for the trolls. Not just the forum fixated ppl w/ dark senses of humor. But real people who appeal to your need for understanding and rush you into a deeper relationship than is equitable for you. Trust me on this, they're not going anywhere, there is no rush, take your time, make friends, but don't trust strangers.

That said, I've heard good things about Wellspring, but don't know a thing about them firsthand. I generally don't trust professionals, and I have never even aspired to a security clearance.

I can understand some of what you say, though. Patience has never been my strong suit. So I just cut to the last chapter and never invested myself much in this snitch culture. The wisest old soldiers who's war stories I've listened to always had some pith underlying the stories of their heroic, idealistic fervor of their youth. I go with that; love the soldier, hate the war.

Never the less, even trying to fit into the low demand, low skill margins of society, I've had the same anxiety. It's like chronic anhedonia; I can do the stuff, make the brithdays happen and good dinners every day in between, but there's no pay-off. I can't believe it enough to enjoy it. One dude described it as having a staffer in your head. Even at the height of brilliant accomplishment, you have that voice of derision chiding you.

But once in awhile you get some 2x4 in the face level of affirmation that what you're doing, despite the extra baggage, is worth it and is paying off in spades. You just have to get into the habit of identifying and scoffing at that fuckin staffer in your head.

If there is a God, he is a malign thug.
--Samuel Clemens "Mark Twain", American author and humorist

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Offline linchpin

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« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2005, 08:17:00 PM »
Smoke a bowl...and chill...its gonna be alllright
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Offline Helena Handbasket

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« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2005, 09:15:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-10-16 16:50:00, Str8survivorVA wrote:

"Oh, jeez.  As if I wasn?t paranoid enough already :scared: .  Thank you for the wise words, though ? you are spot on with your warnings about those who would do us harm and will stop at nothing to strip us of our constitutional rights and further the facist cause that has been thickly veiled under the guise of saving our children, winning the war on drugs, winning the war on terrorism, et. al.   I have seen it first hand- not just at Straight, but throughout most of my career.  What makes me sick is that I have been an instrumental part of it for so long, fighting for the cause, god and country and all of that.  How could I have been so blind.   Paranoid as hell even posting this right now. I know they are reading it. Oh well. Fuck em. (they're coming to take me away ha ha there coming to take me away..)"


I read your earlier post too.  All I can say is, I know where you're coming from girl.  It sounds trite, but it takes a while to process it, and you have to do it at your pace.  You'll find friends here, but like Gin said, you do have to be careful.

You'll also find assholes - just ignore them.  Some people are still in "group" in their heads.

Right now, you have to be good to yourself.  Do something you enjoy, shop, salon... whatever.  I know it's mindboggling, but YOU ARE NOT GUILTY!  

Believe this, okay?
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uly 21, 2003 - September 17, 2006

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #5 on: October 16, 2005, 09:32:00 PM »
There is the documentary at http://www.straightkids.com, but I haven't heard anything much about it lately.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #6 on: October 16, 2005, 09:34:00 PM »
OMGosh, it's gone. Well it's still here:
http://www.ftbfilms.com/straight.htm
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Offline Withdraw

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« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2005, 10:24:00 PM »
[ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2006-02-28 21:55 ]
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Offline cd066

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« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2005, 11:14:00 AM »
I am certain I know you as I was a prisoner/patient (lol) and on staff for far too long 86-90

I have many problems which have been traced back to the treatment I received and or dished out.

That said; there is no magic 'cure' for emotional scars.  No drug, no homeopathic cure, and no herb or home remedy will fix the way you or I perceive events, the emotional reactions, or associated results/consequences.

The advice I received after paying a small fortune to a shrink was that I needed to communicate to my significant other my innermost thoughts and feelings; this being due to the fact that I am a very solitary person and find it very difficult to talk to anyone about anything personal. So, my $90,000 bill to a shrink amounted to (a) talk more, (b) don't dwell (c) avoid anxiety

Don't get me wrong, the shrink was a necessary path for me to go because of many other events which have happened to me since str8; the way I deal with the emotional reactions has been totally skewed by the str8 experience.  The shrink did help me lighten my emotional baggage and wallet.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #9 on: October 17, 2005, 02:42:00 PM »
'salright.  :smile:  Glad you're hear, hope you stick around.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #10 on: October 18, 2005, 03:00:00 PM »
Hi, I like you am a 35 year old woman who was in the Virginia Straight, Inc., only I was in from 1984-1985.  I can't believe that there are other people out there that suffer from the same psychological demons as I do and the common denominator is that hellhole rehab we were all in.  

My entire adult life has been a struggle with my self security and value.  I have self sabotaged just about every opportunity I have ever had, been in and out of therapy, failed relationships, etc.  And like you because of the "status " I have acquired I never dreamed of telling anyone about the psychotic and inhumane things I witnessed and experienced as a young girl in that warehouse in Virginia.  Seriously, it seemed like a dream for so long, and I suppose I "filled" the memories with other things.

For some reason, today I stared to search online about Straight and somehow found this site.  I cannot tell you how it has effected me.  I read what you wrote and immediately started crying.  I am so angry at the system for allowing such a place to exist( especially because that demonic man who is in office and his family are affiliated with the founders ) .

It may sound crazy, but perhaps rehab is not the answer for you.  You use alcohol to dull the memories, perhaps if you came full circe with what happened to you, you wouldn't drink like you do.

There has got to be some type of lawsuit or something that could provide us with the validation and closure we probably need in order to feel vindicated emotionally.  Someone has to assume responsiblitiy for the lives and minds that have been destroyed and experimented on.

If people sue for pain and suffering in bullshit personal injury cases, imagine the compensation for ours.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #11 on: October 18, 2005, 03:06:00 PM »
Dear Straight Survivor,

Some sound advice would be not to trust ANYONE on this site at all. Especially don't trust anyone on this site.

Watch them and this will prove to you not to trust them. Most of the old post graduate straightlings who come on here constantly ARE informants. You will note that these are the postors who have already begun to mention developing trusting friendships in the first place. None of the folks who come here have hardly received, if any at all, sort of professional counseling.

You are able to view back over any prior posts that certain informants have already posted. Such posts include words like, "This is all just a big conspiracy.", harsh words of slander to anyone who claims to have doubts about post staff at Straight.

No, there is not some big conspiracy to overthrow paranoid ex Straightlings. But there are informants who are seen speaking over the phone with people like Sembler, reporting back to old Straight creators through emails, and letters that have been stolen. There is not some conspiracy, but honestly, I would not post anything personal about yourself on this site where it might damage ANY chances you have of suing people who have done harm to you.  

Sammie Monroe, Michael Sherman, Wesley Fager, Ginger Warbis, Beth, Marti Heath, Richard Bradbury; all of these are known informants and they are graduates or they are exstaff of Straight Inc. There, again, is not some kind of overwhelming conspiracy against any straightling who wants to know what's up with child abuse. Its not a big deal to these people to have you share your personals with them and let them report it back to people who would care.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #12 on: October 18, 2005, 03:09:00 PM »
Looks like it's medication time again.......
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #13 on: October 18, 2005, 03:16:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-10-18 12:06:00, Anonymous wrote:

"
Sammie Monroe, Michael Sherman, Wesley Fager, Ginger Warbis, Beth, Marti Heath, Richard Bradbury; all of these are known informants


 :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:

Please, oh PLEASE provide any kind of proof of this.  Sheeesh.  The lengths that some will carry on an obsession.  WOW.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #14 on: October 18, 2005, 04:50:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-10-18 12:09:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Looks like it's medication time again......."


you'd best get some quick, pussy anonymous postor that you are. you'd be one of the ones I'm talking about who is known for your posts like 'be sure and pm me quick and we'll start chatting'. I'd say you need stronger meds than what they're giving you.
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