John,
I will confirm that I too, started to form what could have been wonderful friendships at the Seed. I will also note that the Seed encouraged me to reveal parts of myself that had been hidden by the need I felt to 'be cool' as a typically insecure kid. Singing songs, doing the soft shoe, and even the hokey-pokey blew my 'image' and I could be silly and goofy and have fun. These things provide the basis for the bond I feel with other ex-Seedlings Lauderdale, 80s Guy, Wtaylor and a few others who post here.
The flipside of that was that the Seed then required me (via peer pressure) to develop a Seed-acceptable 'image' and hide OTHER parts of myself - including creativity, ambition, independence, healthy sexual relationships - and that led me to leave.
I know that you and perhaps some others posting here might minimize those things or say it wasn't that way, at least when you were there, but this is true - dating, jobs, recreation, friendships and living arrangements were all planned or approved by Art and senior staff. And this was for senior oldcomers and newcomers alike, although high-status (read: people Art liked) people had a tiny bit more freedom.
You can say that this was 'necessary' for a variety of reasons, but many of us
Seedlings eventually rebelled and left, and for those that stayed, the whole thing blew up in their faces. There was way too much control and rigidity, and I had to be just as big a phoney in some ways at the Seed as I was before. Parts of the image where better but it still was fake. And for me, unhealthy.
By the way, there was now way for me to live there and 'take what I wanted and leave the rest' - that wasn't an option. I was either a total Seed kid or not - and by total I mean the whole thing - never questioning staff, not associating with anyone not involved with the Seed, not going to school, dating or trying a new career unless staff approved (and for me, staff didn't approve - those things I could do only after I left).
For seven years I did hold these things down within myself, thinking that I was one of the 'chosen few' who would lead 'Art's army' and that if I was humble and obediant I would be 'a part of the solution,' even if it meant that we could 'only help one kid' it would all be worth it. Thinking about myself or my needs was 'selfish' or just 'getting into my head' and thinking for myself was being an 'intellectual asshole.' How many times did I say to myself, I don't like this but - 'ours is not to question why, ours is but to do or die.'?
So my life as a celebate, lonely, insecure, uneducated, unhappy but loyal seedling continued for those long years, and why? Because I was an confused adolescent who had smoked pot probably 20 times? Because I came from a disfunctional family and I was looking to belong to something? Because Art and staff told me so?
No disrespect to you, Lauderdale, Thom, Richard, Robin or others who are loyal to the dream of the Seed, but I feel I must question it and everything that I accepted as dogma that came out of it, either AA derived or whatever. Those tools can be used to alter someones reality, and don't we all know some 12 steppers who are addicted to meetings? Nothing wrong with that, (or booze or pot, as far as I'm concerned) as long as it doesn't interfere with your ability to have a happy, productive, honest life. And everyone has to figure that out for themselves.
Best,
Walter
PS - Here's a quote that says it well: "Power is actualized only where word and deed have not parted company, where words are not empty and deeds not brutal, where words are not used to veil intentions but to disclose realities, and deeds are not used to violate and destroy but to establish relations and create new realities." Hannah Arendt