Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Brat Camp
Karen In Dallas
OverLordd:
Oh man! I love UFC! it rocks!!! the matches are bit to short some times though, and yes, that is something I would like to see, a match like that. haha. :rofl:
Nonconformistlaw:
I agree with every word 100%. I just wanted to add one thing to what Deborah said.
---"When they got older I?d give them 5 minutes to spout off every nasty, mean thing they were thinking. Every single thing they resented me for. No holds barred. No resentment. When they were done letting off steam (letting me know what a shit I was), they?d return to their normal reasonable selves, capable of having a discussion or negotiating. I didn?t require an apology, but most times got one."---
I've done this exact same thing myself as a mentor, except that I dont limit the time ---I give them as long as they need, especially with the ones I mentored in juvenile detention centers. I think its effective because kids get to express/vent anger. And, by allowing the child to rant on and on for a while...someone is finally listening to them, showing them respect and validating their feelings....Kids constantly complain that adults wont listen to anything they have to say. And to a large extent, they are often right, that no one is listening. So, by listening to their anger and various rantings, I'm convinced that most kids become a lot more willing to listen to the adult, because its mutual cooperation, without coercion.
That said, some kids just are not interested in being reached in any way, period. And that is their choice. But showing genuine interest in kids, their anger, frustrations, pain, etc, can go a long way, for those who are interested in being reached.
Anyway, I agree that this kind of venting/validation should be a huge part of therapy, parent/child relationships, friendships, heck all relationships! ::rainbow::
Nihilanthic:
--- Quote ---On 2005-08-06 13:01:00, OverLordd wrote:
"Oh man! I love UFC! it rocks!!! the matches are bit to short some times though, and yes, that is something I would like to see, a match like that. haha. :rofl: "
--- End quote ---
Vitor Belfort sprinting out into the ring and kneeing Jay Kay in the forehead and splitting it open would be absolutely awesome :grin:
Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proven innocent.
--Robert A. Heinlen, American science-ficiton author
--- End quote ---
Deborah:
I certainly would not cut it off at 5 minutes if more were needed. I'm extremely patient with the process and took nothing personally. 5 minutes was usually more than enough for my kids, probably because they had always had that outlet and didn't have years of resentment stored up. The longer periods would flucuant between anger, crying, laughing, rationalizing. Most times it turned out to be some stupid thing that happened at school or some stupid thing I did and had to cop to.
I do this with adults in my life too. If it's obvious that someone is angry with me, I invite them to let it rip. You'd be surprised how many people can't, when given the opportunity. I have just found that there is not going to be any useful dialogue until they have vented their anger. Part of this is strictly selfish. I like efficiency, and do not like to waste my time trynig to rationalize with an angry person. It's just as useless as trying to talk sense to someone when they're two sheets to the wind.
[ This Message was edited by: Deborah on 2005-08-06 14:19 ]
Shortbus:
I try to remind myself that when a student is acting out its not usually about me, its about something thats going on with them. I listen to them, try to understand whats going on with them and wait. The hardest part for me is to not take it personally especially when youve been with them a few weeks and they know your buttons. Its also hard because as staff you just cant walk away. You have to be there to make sure everyone stays safe. Respect goes a long way, and when appropriate so does some humor. Its hard to be really really pissed off when youre laughing.[ This Message was edited by: Shortbus on 2005-08-06 15:59 ]
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