My Parents never felt guilty or ashamed about sending me off. They just wanted the monkey off their back. They brought us up like we lived in a zoo and then they sent us to one.
They did not check it out. They just applyed another bandade. Quick fix. Kinda like the junky that I turned into.They taught me how to quick fix everything. Maybe some parents do feel guilty excluing mine of course-But most do not feel guilty enough to go through any of these programs with them. It amaze's me how the parents get by with the cop out "I have done every thing I know to do." Fact being they never knew what to do. They winged it. "They did the best that they could." Except they forgot to take out the ear plugs. Most children cry for help. And they want help. They don't like being unhappy. But the more the parents don't leason-
The louder the cry gets. Ever seen a 2 year old and they start to get into something, and then as soon as mom and dad are not looking they find something else and so on? They are testing-
To see how far they can go before they get someone's attention. Well 2 turns in to 12.
And I don't care what anyone says 12 is grounds for temp. insanity. What it boils down to is getting a point across. Hey no one is seeing me.
And then when they do notice after the child breaks the final straw,then it is no longer about getting noticed but now is about the fact that the parents fell a sleep on their watch, so it becomes the blame game. Most Kids do not want to be in the predicaments that they get them selfs into. In a a lot of cases I think it is where self mutilation steps in and raises it ugly head. They get mad at themselfs for what they did, and turn it in on themselfs. I never said this is fun I like getting raped. Or I like doing lsd and being afraid all night, I like shooting up. But the next day that is where I would end up. Inside all I really wanted was for someone to step up to the plate Notice and help me. Most of what they do is not planned they don't set out to do it. Most of us all need someone outside ourselfs to help even as adults.
It is like we tell ourselfs, I not going to get drunk tonight but one always leads to another.
I watched my Dad get drunk every night and beat up my mom. And then the next day she was black and blue,and where was he all crying and shit saying I am sorry I won't do it anymore. But the next day here he came with the wiskey in his hand and I knew he was going to be sorry the next day, but I also knew he was going to get drunk yet again. We learn a lot from our parents. I watched my Dad most nights hate himself to the point of putting a gun in his mouth. Set at the edge of the bed and cry. And watch me cry and beg for him not to do it. I never knew if he would go through with it but still the same prepared my self for it every time. Even when he saw that I was getting an trouble he never cared enough to pull his head out of his ass and forget about himself just once and notice enough to help. Most parents are not willing to change in order to help their kids. My mom never picked me up or held me, I stayed in my play pen most of the time, She wasn't going to change and all the sudden start holding me or kissing me or support me. She just wanted me and my problems to go. She did not love me enough to change. so I in return did not love enough to change. So here I am an adult I have no kids but where am I? Where else? Getting drunk and getting the hell beat out of me. Will It stop? most likely not because I can't help myself and no one else will. My fate is sealed. I am on the same road my parents abanded me to, they have moved on, and I am still trying to find my way back to the home I never had and will never have. Because? I can't change. Thinking the same way they did. Am I wrighting this because I want pity? No! Just trying to get the point across we do what is learned as children. I am a shinning exsample.
Look at me and picture your child in 40 years.
Because I am her or him. :cry2:
