Once, when i was on 1st phase at the same place in D.C. where i started havin' those crazy nightmares, i refused to write my M.I. It was maybe a little while after i came back from leavin'and i was just sort of not motivating, but i wasn't causin' enough trouble to get thrown on the floor either. i was pretty much compliant at that point, but i just wouldn't motivate or talk in group. i hadn't been writing an M.I. since i got back to the program.( see a related story: "A Small Victory")
The host parents thought they could break me by denying me food. That night they told me that i wouldn't be allowed to eat anything until my M.I. was done. Little did they suspect that i had been in the desert tempering my strength by the hand of God. I accepted those conditions as an opportunity to make the timeless gesture of abstaining from food as a form of protest. Maybe as an expression of captivity i would rather not eat. Maybe when eating is more demoralizing and leaching than the sustainence is otherwise worth it is better not to eat. As the truth unfolds i sat there and refused to write or eat that night While everyone else, around me was writing and eating.
i knew the host parents had played into my hand. i knew they were blatently breaking the basic laws of human rights. The next day in group i reported the incident, probably to some sympathetic 5th phaser. I heard there was a lot of heavy confronting going on in parent group over the whole thing. Those ignorant host-parents must 'a' got blasted for leaving an opening for a law suit from a 1st phaser.
i knew i had some power,there, after i refused to write or eat that night. i was young and inexperienced though, and i didn't know what to do next. i should 'a' sued as soon as possible or even filed criminal charges. If i would 'a' had access to legal counsel i could 'a' carried the fight to a whole 'notha level.
Just last year or so my folks were visiting me and for some reason felt compelled to pass on information about those same host-parents. As if i would be concerned to know that the people who held me hostage and tried to manipulte/brainwash me and were willing to exploit my hunger to acomplish their crimes, were doing well and still making money. Well, actually i forgive them now but i don't want to be around them and i don't like the idea of them still being in contact with my folks like that. That's fucked up.
i think my own naivete is beginning to dawn on me. All this time i thought my parents just made a mistake by putting me in straight. But now i am beginning to see a clear and established pattern of a serious lack of judgement on their part.
Dedicated: in the honor of hunger strikers everywhere. The list of martyrs is endless.
[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-05-26 14:11 ]
