I really hate sexism
Noticed this? not fond of any sexist men and hate the TV, hate sexist men too, really fucking hate sexist men
i want to say something to make my story less cut and dry
like it isn’t random enough but
i do not like abusive guys, i was not again asking for it
i just feel like that’s what horrible people would do with all this
women are not asking to be abused, simply put there are predators and young women in bad situations are vulnerable
as a kid i am not responsible for some serial killer that was stalking me, and they guy was normal and clean cut looking and he was still young, please do some research on stalkers they are horrible and they are insanely aggressive, they don’t go away, do some research on stalkers they are a weird breed and this guy was as bad as all the stories
i had no choice in that situation,
you can’t blame me for the guy that flashed me at the park? How did i encourage or choose him? Or the random kids who were sexually harassing outside of class i had never really spoken to before? Not my fault there.
Or the guy at my apartment, i had talked to him a few times before when walking my dog, he was very clean cut, nice looking well spoken, he said he had been in the army for years in Colorado Springs, people don’t come with a warning label you know, he was babysitting his nephew the day he asked me out so there were little kids around, the little neighbor kids loved my dog, he seemed so normal he had this nice normal boring face and he was my age, i had moved away from the ex and all the kids at school were younger than me, it was nice to chat with someone my age, i didn’t know anyone in the new town.
How the hell was i supposed to know he would attack me. he wanted me to kiss him and i wasn’t sure enough about him yet to know if i wanted to go there, i wanted to get to know him better first and he attacked me, again he was the first date i had been on in like five years, i should have been more careful but i had kinda forgotten how dangerous really dating can be, like i should have made it a daytime lunch date or something.
My ex, he was not scary at all at first, in fact he seemed kind of wimpy and sweet
We met through mutual friends, his friend always hung out with my friends and we went to the same hippie parties, he was kind of a hippie, he had a good job and really liked me
I again actually hadn’t been dating much, he really acted very sweet,
He talked about his mom and his family a lot and how much he loved them, i know hello Norman Bates, he did go on about his mom a lot and somehow it was kind of creepy but i just thought he loved and respected his mom, he had this great Siamese cat that he also just loved and loved, he was kind of like a big kid, every one else thought the same thing and he was really well liked. He was really nice to me too, like more so then normal really, he brought me flowers all the time and other stuff like cute nice things, he didn’t seem to drink more then anyone else, they were parties and i had just turned 21 it seemed like everyone had a beer in hand really, the only weird thing is that it didn’t really go at the pace i would have chosen, it seemed like it moved much faster then i would have wanted it to, and he was pretty good at making it so that it was more serious then i wanted it to be, and what he wanted tended to be the way it went and i wasn’t really sure how exactly it got there, he moved in after around six months, i would not at all have chosen this but i needed a roommate and my apartment was closer to work for him, it was one of those things that again was not something i wanted or would have chosen. he did drink more then i thought i found out too, and after about a year he had yelled at me quite bit when drunk, over the next few months this escalated and i moved out but ended up living in a scary neighborhood near the school that had accepted me, the school that had accepted me was out of state too, long story basically i drove all over the damn country to live in a crappy neighborhood in a weird ghost town in northern new mexico and got good grades and saw some cool stuff but didn’t think i really had anywhere to live the next semester so can back to NC, moved back in with the boyfriend rather then scary parents, and as i have written about living with them perhaps you can see why. So anyway he got a job out in Colorado and we moved out there, my idea to start looking out there because it is such a beautiful area and he was miserable with his job in NC so i thought a change might help his temperament and growing drinking problem out some, it didn’t and the drinking and yelling just kept escalating. Until the before mentioned situation was what i was left with. It was sad because i thought i knew the guy, i thought he was someone i trusted somewhat at least, i thought he was my friend and that he wouldn’t hurt me, it was really scary realizing what a dangerous person really he was. I think because everyone practically in my life that you are supposed to be able to trust has been dangerous. Hell look at PV, i trusted that they were doctors or something at first and i thought they would help me and that it would be a normal good place, what did i get Nazis and horror, I sure as hell am not responsible for abusing myself or some weird character perversion by picking out to be abused by PV, had no hand in that.
So anyway what i’m saying is that there are a lot of abusive situations and people out there, and if you are sort of disenfranchised and young or trusting you have to be really careful.
and things are not so black and white and all that
it seemed normal, life is a bit like PV sorry, on the outside it says one thing but it's scary as hell really
