Author Topic: So back to the original question I guess...  (Read 1202 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Clymerchick

  • Posts: 11
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
So back to the original question I guess...
« on: May 09, 2005, 10:36:00 PM »
So somewhere, someone on the forum wanted to know everyone's experiences at MMS whether good or bad. Since then there has been a lot of experience sharing and bickering as it seems to me. The conclusion that I have made is that there are a lot of people very angry about their experiences at MMS, then there are people who are defending the program, which I understand. Something that I haven't seen talked about a whole lot is the changes that the school went through in the two years I was there. I attended from June of 2001 to August of 2003.

Some of the issues arising are due to informational discrepancies between people who went there a long time ago as opposed to some of the more recent graduates. Things at MMS changed a whole lot while I was there.

When I arrived at MMS I arrived during intervention (like Kerry I think) and I quickly came to learn how important the group is and group functionality. Whether I agreed or not I respected that that was how they kept thirtyfive girls in line. My big sister got kicked out my second week there which again taught me what not to do. Pouting in a cabin and refusing to come to group didn't look like much fun to me, neither did the consequences. That was motivation enough for me. I managed to get through MMS without a single physical metaphor, workcrew, or consequence for doing something stupid on an individual account. (ok I DID get in trouble for nakee time!) Of course I had to do group punisments, which might I add, would have been much more effective had they been used sparingly. I found that keeping a low profile was most effective. I respected the girls that were there even if one of them was the most annoying thing in the world. I did this not only because I think in a small environment like that it is necessary to have decency, but also because if I didn't I would be labled as exlusive. MMS likes labels A LOT. It wasn't that hard to just be nice, VERY trying at times, but not that hard. I basically did whatever I was told because I didn't want to get hit in the face with an issue I didn't have, or get someone else in trouble. For those of you who knew me while I was there (at least more of the latter protion) my best friend was someone who was notorious for being a bit of a trouble maker. Regardless for her actions I still love her and although she's a complete moron at times (even now!) I still support her and try to help. Because I didn't want to tell her how wrong she was every day for being the way that she is, I got in trouble frequently for not "calling her out" when perhaps it wasn't my job to do so? Ahem, personal accountability... or perhaps that was the therapists job? What were they there for anyway if it was our job to tell each other how messed up we were? Anyway... found that most of the people that I was friends with at MMS have been people that I still love and talk to. If not I look back at them with fond memories. For those of you all who thought Ron? was a great staff, I know what you mean. Jen, my therapist after phase three was the most amazing person for me there. Zoe too. They were examples of women who were stong and knew how to live life. I thank Zoe because she was a great role model, and Jen becase she was so kind and gentle about her methods of help that it was an amazing respite from what we have aptly named "attack therapy" I believe. She made you feel comfortable and you really felt guilty if you held something back. I don't mean guilty in a fear way like it was most of the time, but a guilty that you feel if you're dealing with a friend. The bad stuff, well, it sucked to be honest. I agree a lot with the people who say that getting them out of their home environment was the key element in their recovery. MMS was a wonderful community of girls who came together to help each other heal and learn how to live with the world. However, the guidlines and principles set down there made it so black and white that you either had to take a side and deal with it or spend your time in constant battle that is totally endless. It's like the addiction thing there. You HAVE to claim that you are and addict or else you will spend your entire stay there fighting of claims that you are in denial and don't see the reality of your addictions. "OH MY GOD Jess! (they all say) If you don't admit you're an addict, you'll die" Oh dear I think to myself... this is going nowhere. "Hi, I'm jess and I'm an addict..." Inside I'm going: this is really quite rediculous to suggest that  am an alcoholic considering that the only reason I ever drank was for social attention and recognition. Guess I blew that one huh? But whatever...because the reality is this:

Does anone remember how fast trends ran through MMS. It wasn't because we were all psycho, it was because we were stimulus deprived. What else did we have to do other than pick up on stupid trends like pakistani accents. I also remember when everyone came back from a home visit and we all started to say hella if you from California (I think we got in trouble for it too). The reality of the situation was that if one person claimed not be an addict who had used a substance or had sex or whatever, everygirl (even if they did have a major addiction) would have jumped on the band wagon and tried to claim it too. I figured that out while I was there. So a lot of this stuff that some people are trying to say is abuse (which I think is very relative) was necessary to keep us all under control. I mean control not in a nazi sense, but in a sense that we needed some structure to keep the school together.

I'm trying to look at this from a neutral perspective, because I really am quite neutral. I'm not ready to sue the school for anything but I'm not going to say it was right for everyone or that it was completly right for me even. I don't think you can have a boarding school and have it be the generic fit for a troubled girl. We are all different. I guess I'm not angry at the school because I can accept that the shit that sucked about my stay there was just because someone else needed it. Maybe some of it wasn't... but whatever. I'm not there anymore, it was only two years, and la de fuckin da I have my own life now and I think I'm mature enough to get past it. If some of you guys are gung ho ready to sue the school to pieces, RIGHT ON! For those of you who want to defend it with your life becsause that's what it has given you RIGHT ON TOO!

Anyway I have to eat dinner so I'll get back to you on those changes that I was talking about earlier that I never actually touched on Hehe.

Jessamine
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
o matter what a person says, decent respect is all that I expect of eachother and myself. Lets be nice! \":)\"

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164661
  • Karma: +3/-3
    • View Profile
So back to the original question I guess...
« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2005, 11:52:00 PM »
It does sound like the school has gone through lots of changes.  For example, your reference to "phase three".  That was somethign that at least formally, was not introduced while I was there.  I actually agree on all your points Jess and appreciate what you wrote.  I am still angry  I sat in a circle saying, hi I'm a sex addict, alcoholic, codependent, blah blah blah... because yes, those are labels and they didn't fit for me.  I drank to be social, I drank to fit in... I had sex ONCE before coming to MMS, and somehow masturbation was EVIL and totally feeding my "sex addiction".  What is that about?  And codependent?  Maybe that's true but I don't call it that.  I call it, really really caring about people, their lives affect mine and I get sometime really entwined with them.  But since leaving MMS I choose to only be in relatively healthy relationships so that doesn't seem to be a problem.  I went to an AA meeting once after MMS and felt SOOO out of place.  I was welcomed of course, but I had nothing to contribute.  I decided the whole thing was silly, although I spent my first 2+ years of college hating anyone who drank and being terrified of anyone who talked about it.  Finally, about 6 months after I turned 21, I realized, this is silly.  I'm an adult, I'm doing well in school, love my family and friends, just doing well in general.  Who cares if people drink?  Who cares if I have a few drinks on the weekend?  Then I realized  that I was in control of myself, nothing and no one else.  And now, I'm just a regular adult.  I go out, listen to live music, and maybe even have a beer or two.  And I FINALLY dont' feel guitly about it!  I understand there were those who truly were addicts of some type and that the anon programs were really really important for them, but I am still a little peeved that EVERYONE had to be an addict.  And you're right, if you claimed you weren't... you were "lying".  

Anyway, thanks for your post Jess!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline hugakid

  • Posts: 10
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
So back to the original question I guess...
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2005, 01:06:00 AM »
It's pretty sad when you have to fake a condition and sometimes even have to write 80 pages about a sex life you never even had. Unbelievable!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Star

  • Posts: 11
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
So back to the original question I guess...
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2005, 11:14:00 PM »
I hated claiming that I was an addict because I was not, am not. But I trully started to believe it. The whole school does revolve itself around recovery, and all of the original staff that had opened the school from the beggining-John, Collen, DEb & Mike, and Gary are all recovering addicts. I went to the school for therapy not to "recover" from anything. I was 14, and I hadn't even fully developed. I hardly did ANY drugs, or alcohol and when I did these things they were out of plain curiousity and experimintation. I was labeled as an alcolic (mainly), and introduced myself as an alcoholic addict during meetings. YES 14 YEAR OLD ALCOHOLIC! and even if I had been 15,16,17 and perhaps 18 that's insane. We were not old enough to even know who the heck we were and here I got plastered with YOUR AN ALCOHOLIC! dam makes me laugh.    And then I went to meetings at the school and out side of the school! I would go to meetings and I was always the youngest. I took the meetings very seriously because I seriously thought I was an addict! Sitting there with these other folks who had been drinking for like 30 years and me.....who only drank a total of about 20 times?  I would collect my sobriety chips and even, speak during meetings, I even had a sponsor! Crazy!

Also about ALCOHOLICS ANONIMOUS, OR ANY OTHER ANONIMOUS GROUPS...I don't know how it is any where else, but in my city when I went to meetings it was so fake. A lot of people would go there dressed up, put loads of make up on, there were be clicks, many people competing for leadership, guys and girls checking eachother out, people having casual sex with eachother...it seemed to be so dishonest like everyone developed a new addiction. I realized that going there, even if I had been an addict, would NOT have been helpful. Everyone seeemed to just give themselves this title "ALCOHOLIC" because it was cool.I think that you should only be concidered an addict until the age of 21..when you have experinced enough to trully know. not just a label because it's cool, it seemed more like a social party scene to me.

(but I do give credit to those who are trully in recovery, and if you attend these meetings it is wiser to attend those older recoverying addicts-  adults...I mean real real adults like ages 35+......or prob older)

1 MORE THING....It's worrisome to me to think that some girls who left mms (many of them) still believe they are alcolics (and some trully are, so ignore this note if you are)....they might still be going to meeting like I had, even have a sponsor and the whole deal....but they aren't even addicts...that sounds like a major problem!
If I look back...I might be still going to meetings and "working the program" if I hadn't been slapped in the face with reality! Thank God I don't think that now!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
et God do the judging.

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164661
  • Karma: +3/-3
    • View Profile
So back to the original question I guess...
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2005, 01:42:00 AM »
This is off the topic of MMS, but about AA/NA meetings. I truly was an addict and the books and "meetings" at MMS did help me but once I got out in the normal world I felt like the meetings truly only made it worse. I didn't smoke, I didn't want to have casual sex and it seemed like thats what tons of people in the meetings I went to did. For me it was definately not a positive place to be and I have done much better in my near 7 years of sobriety by just maintaining friendships with people who were sober (mostly people who just never did anything to begin with) and not even thinking about using or drinking than going to meetings and being surrounded by people coming in and out of recovery. I think at the beginning it's a helpful thing, but for some people once they've been sober for a bit it really just keeps them down.

Melissa Gower.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »