And the Desisto Beat Goes On -

[Anonymous]

If you'll excuse the pun The DeSisto school died of a thousand cuts. Once AMD died the chicken couldn't survive without its head. I'm glad I got out of there in '83 a graduate :nworthy:

[Anonymous]

I attended DeSisto for two years in the mid- 1990's.  I am now married to a wonderful woman, have two fantastic children, and am a millionaire.  I know beyond any shaddow of a doubt that if it wasn't for my experience there I would be dead.

In going through the program there were many times when I thought they were too hard on me or actually, in my mind, seemed to enjoy playing mental games.  It was only when they finally pushed me through to the other side did I really understand and appreciate their true care, compassion, and the insightful process they were using.

I've been so busy living my life I didn't even know the school closed last year.  It feels like I just lost a parent.  What is most sad though is people who don't understand what was actually happening there essentially throwing the baby out with the bath water and not even really understanding if the bath water was actually dirty.  Let's face it, I and the people I was with there weren't there because our parents, traditional programs, and state agencies had been successful in helping us.  We were there because standard programs and conventional wisdom hadn't worked.

I was thinking about writing something about the razor blade incident, but those who point to that as proof of something would appear to not have had the experiences necessary to understand the alternative perspective.  As a result, it seems rather pointless to discuss it.  I think the parent and the child who both don't appear to hold it against the school get it, and that is probably all that matters at this point.  The same goes for the discussion around what type of school it was.

Importantly, I turned my life around because of what they pushed me to do and I achieved the success I have achieved since then because of a simple, but extremely powerful, gift they gave me.  That gift was the realization (not just mentally which is easy to have, but emotionally, which is much harder) that I am responsible for both my actions and the actions of those around me.  It is deceptively simple a concept and sorely lacking in large parts of our society.  Unfortunately, for me to really understand it, and to believe it, they had to give me the opportunity to test the concept, push the limits, and experience the results.  I wish more people really understood the significance of that.  This world would be a much better place.

I wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Logical contradiction time.

John is surrounded by Suzie, Martha, and Betty.

If John is responsible for his actions AND those of Suzie, Martha, and Betty, whose actions are Suzie, Martha and Betty responsible for?

And if you say "theirs AND John's" then you have, in effect, made *everyone* responsible for themselves and everyone else, so that everyone is responsible for everything.

Which, in the end, is the same as saying nobody is responsible for anything.

It's called having no boundaries, iirc.

I'm glad you have a good life, but your premise is logically inconsistent.

Timolclea

[Anonymous]

Timolclea,

If you truly can not comprehend how or even why it is both possible and valuable to take responsibility for yourself and others then I am truly sorry for you.  

At the same point in time, if you re-look at your logic you will find that your conclusion is only one of several possible outcomes and actually not the most likely one.  Like most things in this world, it is a question of possibility and probability.  Not definite extremes.  A simple question: if someone likes you, as an example, are you actually less likely to like yourself?  Of course not.

No need to respond.

[Anonymous]

On 2005-05-05 02:13:00, Anonymous wrote:

" That gift was the realization (not just mentally which is easy to have, but emotionally, which is much harder) that I am responsible for both my actions and the actions of those around me."

Can you explain this in more detail please, I am just curious what you mean exactly. How can you personally be responsible for other people's actions?

[Anonymous]

On 2005-05-05 08:43:00, Anonymous wrote:

"

On 2005-05-05 02:13:00, Anonymous wrote:


" That gift was the realization (not just mentally which is easy to have, but emotionally, which is much harder) that I am responsible for both my actions and the actions of those around me."

Can you explain this in more detail please, I am just curious what you mean exactly. How can you personally be responsible for other people's actions?"

Sure thing.  Obviously there is the extreme where you can't be fully responsibile for other people's actions but there is an extemely wide range of possibilities where we can and should.

Starting with an example from DeSisto, if someone ran away from our quad we would all be held responsibile.  Why?  Because we were a group.  We were expected to be in tune with each other, care for each other, and protect each other.  It was extremely rare that someone would run away without there being any signs ahead a time.  The trick was were you really looking at how someone in your quad was doing?  Did you personally try to understand what they were going through, try to help them in some way, or try to get them help?  As a group there should have been enough eyes and relationships to help them.  Therefore, their running away was a failure for the group.  Importantly, new students running away was treated differently of course.

A key benefit was you learned to pay attention to, help, and watchout for people you potentially never would have paid attention to "outside."  In doing so you learned to better understand and respect all people, regardless of traditional stereotypes, etc..  That inclination has served me very well since then and I wish more people had the opportunity or push to instill this in themselves.

It comes down to a fundamental belief that we are part of something bigger than ourselves and we should care about something other than just ourselves coupled with the reality that in doing so we actually model what we need them to believe and therefore, rather than diminishing a sense of personal reponsibility, we enhance it.  Sort of in a "pay it forward kind of way."

Hopefully this helps.

[Anonymous]

On 2005-05-05 09:10:00, Anonymous wrote:

"if someone ran away from our quad we would all be held responsibile.  Why?  Because we were a group.  We were expected to be in tune with each other, care for each other, and protect each other.  It was extremely rare that someone would run away without there being any signs ahead a time.  The trick was were you really looking at how someone in your quad was doing?  Did you personally try to understand what they were going through, try to help them in some way, or try to get them help?  As a group there should have been enough eyes and relationships to help them.  Therefore, their running away was a failure for the group."

It seems you were protecting the interests of the facility, not the individual child. Even if you believed the situation to be helpful, it might not be to everyone there. At SCL we had the upper level students assigned to watch lower level families. They essentially became staff. They had to discipline the lower levels, and report to the family father with information. Since everyone would eventually become a junior staff, some of the lower level kids were so anxious to please their masters, they would tell the staff information their 'friends' told them. Even worse, they would make something up.

In these prison-like situations, one does whatever is necessary to leave. It seems like one might be doing it for the group, in reality however, they are simply acting the way the program and staff would like them to. Either out of fear of being punished themselves, or simply to get home faster. They become psuedo staff members, and it's a way to test them to see if they are being 'real.'

In my opinion this social structure is horribly flawed.

[Bsolomon85]

Hi my name is Brandon I went to desisto for 5 months in 2001. It was a terrible experience and it has scarred me. I was happy to see other people talking about desisto. I dont know how it was when either of you attended but when I was there it was constant cornering. I spent 6 straight weeks in the corner at one point, without ever going outside for those 6 weeks. I would like to talk to you more about the desisto experience if you want.
thanks

[Anonymous]

"I attended DeSisto for two years in the mid- 1990's. I am now married to a wonderful woman, have two fantastic children, and am a millionaire. I know beyond any shaddow of a doubt that if it wasn't for my experience there I would be dead"

When I hear people say the school saved their lives, I have to wonder if they ever had lives in the first place. I'm glad you've made your mint, but you'll go to your grave knowing you bought the DeSisto program, hook, line, and sinker. You rolled over on your peers with alacrity, you moved up a level--maybe got some privileges--such a good prisoner. The DeSisto program was never about responsibility; the type of responsibilty taught there was the same as a North Korean prisoner of war camp, where American soldiers were grouped into tens and collectively punished if an individual fucked up. That's not real life not now, and only exists in fubar spaces like DeSisto. The DeSisto program was about fear, degradation, and humiliation. BTW I went to the school in the late 70's and early 80's and back then you had to cut it there be more than just rich and stupid.

[Anonymous]

the other forum]

http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?So ... &start=190

[Anonymous]

I find that the former TDS students that are so enamoured with the school decades later received special attention from AMD himself. I'm not talking about him greasing up your weenies, but shopping trips off campus and shit like that. DeSisto liked the blonde boys, that's a fact. Not much room for girls in the bed. Yeah it happended and there's photographic evidence, but it was like Michael Jackson's bed in Neverland-- it was sweet adn the picture was published in People magazine, the one of AMD and the boys that is. I don't make thus shit up.  I wish it weren't true. AMD gave us a lecture on how to suck cock in senior seminar. Yeah the man knew how to put it in the gutter; he had the gift for that. If it weren't masturbation, then it was fellatio. Does the absence of any semblense of any sanctioned normal male/female sexual realtionships  on campus worry anyone now? I think it affects us to this day--it was our adolescence robbed or deformed for pete's sake. Run but you can't hide, you can't deny it---AMD raped us all--YOU'RE A BITCH :exclaim:

[Anonymous]

Wow.  You definitely need help.  I'm sorry TDS didn't help you then, but I hope you are finding another way to get help today.

On 2005-05-11 20:36:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I find that the former TDS students that are so enamoured with the school decades later received special attention from AMD himself. I'm not talking about him greasing up your weenies, but shopping trips off campus and shit like that. DeSisto liked the blonde boys, that's a fact. Not much room for girls in the bed. Yeah it happended and there's photographic evidence, but it was like Michael Jackson's bed in Neverland-- it was sweet adn the picture was published in People magazine, the one of AMD and the boys that is. I don't make thus shit up.  I wish it weren't true. AMD gave us a lecture on how to suck cock in senior seminar. Yeah the man knew how to put it in the gutter; he had the gift for that. If it weren't masturbation, then it was fellatio. Does the absence of any semblense of any sanctioned normal male/female sexual realtionships  on campus worry anyone now? I think it affects us to this day--it was our adolescence robbed or deformed for pete's sake. Run but you can't hide, you can't deny it---AMD raped us all--YOU'RE A BITCH :exclaim: "

[Anonymous]

the old Desisto school with many of the same players except MD as he is no longer alive is running in Florida under Cold Springs someone should alert the Florida authorities of these terrible things.

[Antigen]

On 2005-05-13 10:54:00, Anonymous wrote:

Its shit like this that makes me want to throw my hands up and give up. How can you get through to someone who appears to have drunk GALLONS of the Kool-Aid?  

Oh, you don't. You just give them a free and open forum to show their own asses so that their friends, collegues and neighbors will see them coming.

"Narcotics have been systematically scapegoated and demonized. The idea that anyone can use drugs and escape a horrible fate is an anathema to these idiots. I predict that in the near future right-wingers will use drug hysteria as a pretext to set up an international police apparatus."

--William S. Burroughs

[Anonymous]

On 2005-05-17 03:11:00, Anonymous wrote:

"the old Desisto school with many of the same players except MD as he is no longer alive is running in Florida under Cold Springs someone should alert the Florida authorities of these terrible things."

The Cold Spring Academy is Sarasota had its last graduation and has closed.