April 1, 2005 AP Wire
Although survivors as a whole are difficult to track down now that they are ?over it? and not visiting their ?survivor? internet sites anymore, a protracted effort to find survivors to interview finally yielded results when we quit advertising in christian publications (known to be popular with former Straight parents and staff) and started asking the administrators of homeless shelters, mental health facilities, and penal institutions for assistance in locating former Straight clients.
We stopped one survivor on his way out of St. Vincent?s Shelter for Active Alcoholics:
?You were a client of Straight, Incorporateed??
n ?Yes, how did you know??
n ?The self-mutilation scars combined with the slightly zombified look of someone who has been in a cult and never quite figured out anything after that.?
n ?Oh, that.?
n ?So, the question all of America has been wanting to know??
n
n ?Are you ?over it???
n ? ?Over it?? ?
n ?Are you ?over? Straight??
n ?Fuck you. Who the fuck told you that??
n ?We heard??
n ?Well you fucking heard wrong. Who the fuck are you??
n ?I?m a reporter with the Associated Press. You seem upset by the original question ? would you care to elaborate on your answer??
n ?Elaborate? Sure I?ll fucking elaborate. I was put in Straight before I fucking ever had sex.?
n ?Are you saying Straight ruined your sex life??
n ?Did I say that? My sex life is fucking none of your business. Who the fuck are you? My sex life is great.?
n ?Is there anything you would like to say about Straight and whether or not you are ?over it???
n ?Sure. Ever hear of PTSD??
n ?Post Traumatic Stress Disorder??
n ?Yes, I got that.?
n ?Because of Straight, you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder??
n ?I also have Disillusionment With The Human Race Disorder. I have FUCK OFF AND DIE STAFF SCUM Disorder. I have I Hate Myself And So Do You Disorder.?
n ?Anything else??
n ?Yes. Straight fucked with me and if I don?t get them back before I die I will become the next satan and haunt them through the heat of the upper levels of hell down into the putrid moldy pit of stink shit in the deepest part of hell where the evil people go who stole and destroyed other souls.?
n ?I see.?
n ?See, that?s where they BELONG, and they know it! Staff had the weirdest obsession with shit metaphors. I think some force we don?t quite understand raised staff up from the stink pit of hell.?
n ?Sir, have you discussed this theory with anyone else??
n ?Hah! That?s a good one. You think I?m crazy enough to tell anyone this shit? There I go, using their words. They turned me into one of them. I resisted, but look at me, I?m like a half-assimilated Borg. Ripped from the mother ship, I tore much of them out of me. I couldn?t get it all out. No one can. I am waiting for the development of new surgical techniques.?
n ?Thank you for your time. Can you direct us to any other ?survivors??
