Parents, please consider this

[Anonymous]

How many kids tonight are going to bed in strange beds, are sleeping in a room full of strangers, full of kids who wake up in the middle of the night screaming with nightmares and night terrors? How many kids are missing their moms, their dads, their brothers, their sisters, their aunts, their uncles, their grandparents?

How many kids would give just about anything for 5 minutes to talk privately to someone who they love? How many kids would give anything for a hot shower? For a chance to take a long bath? To lay on their bed talking with their girlfriends? To just be normal teenage girls?

How many kids did anything so bad to deserve being locked up and taken away from their families? Did they really deserve to lose touch with their lives? With the world as they knew it? Yes, some were heavily into drugs and they needed help.

Some would say kids need to be taken away from their environment in order to free themselves of their addictions. Maybe that's true. But what says they have to go to such extremes as to take these children far away from their families for years at a time, to take them away from normal life?

There are other safe options. If a child is truly drug addicted there are licensed programs, there are outpatient programs, there is therapy, there are other options. And if the child is in need of drug rehab chances are medical insurance will cover the cost of a safe program. So, why send them away to these places where we now know the possiblity of neglect and abuse is so high.

Knowing what I know I would never consider putting a child in any private residential facility. Period.

Kids need to fall down sometimes, pick themselves up, brush themselves off, and then keep going. Trying to shelter them from the world is not the answer. Remember what was said: anytime you sign away your parental rights you open the door to child abuse and neglect. There is so much truth to that.

I hope parents stop and think about what they are doing when they make the decision to send their child away. Read the stories. These kids are opening up their hearts and sharing their stories so that others do not have to go through what they have experienced. Please, listen to them. They have suffered and they need our support now.

Kerry, Melissa, and all the rest of the kids who post their stories here, there are plenty of us here who support you.  ::drummer::

[Anonymous]

That is so sweet.  I am thinking about fowarding it to my mother, but I guess I've heard her sob enough about it; I have already heard so many apologies.  I guess I can't keep beating her up over it.  I guess being sorry wasn't enough, I wanted her to really know what I went through.  I should stop.  The whole world has access to our stories now.  I don't have to prove anything.

[Anonymous]

Many of us have said that there should be a facility for parents who send their kids to these places, maybe in Western Samoa? Maybe Jamaica? 6 months of the same treatment, same environment, same methods that were used on their kids.

Maybe they would learn to appreciate their children more and learn to appreciate what they have.

[Perrigaud]

I personally didn't care that I was away from my parents. I didn't care that I couldn't talk to them. Didn't care to be with my friends cause they really weren't friends. I had a hot shower. I needed time to figure out things and it took a year and some months. I was relieved. I didn't appreciate much. Now thanks to the facility I was in I appreciate so much more. Huh, imagine that. My friends would agree that they too didn't want to talk to their friends or families at that time. Therapy? Please I b/s my way out of therapy and laughed at them in their faces. Outpatient Facility? Not for long I was running away. Drugs (prozak)? Yeah they did nothing for them. Normal Teenager? Not me, I was an extremist. I didn't get abused. I know there are cases (that are true) of abuse. I feel for them. I know that not every child deserves to be sent away. Most are just doing the regular teenage rebellion. Not me and others. We were losing ourselves and didn't care at all.

[Anonymous]

Thanks Peri, sounds just like my daughter.  Hope in time she fairs as well

[Anonymous]

Thank you.

On 2005-03-30 21:38:00, Anonymous wrote:

"How many kids tonight are going to bed in strange beds, are sleeping in a room full of strangers, full of kids who wake up in the middle of the night screaming with nightmares and night terrors? How many kids are missing their moms, their dads, their brothers, their sisters, their aunts, their uncles, their grandparents?



How many kids would give just about anything for 5 minutes to talk privately to someone who they love? How many kids would give anything for a hot shower? For a chance to take a long bath? To lay on their bed talking with their girlfriends? To just be normal teenage girls?



How many kids did anything so bad to deserve being locked up and taken away from their families? Did they really deserve to lose touch with their lives? With the world as they knew it? Yes, some were heavily into drugs and they needed help.



Some would say kids need to be taken away from their environment in order to free themselves of their addictions. Maybe that's true. But what says they have to go to such extremes as to take these children far away from their families for years at a time, to take them away from normal life?



There are other safe options. If a child is truly drug addicted there are licensed programs, there are outpatient programs, there is therapy, there are other options. And if the child is in need of drug rehab chances are medical insurance will cover the cost of a safe program. So, why send them away to these places where we now know the possiblity of neglect and abuse is so high.



Knowing what I know I would never consider putting a child in any private residential facility. Period.



Kids need to fall down sometimes, pick themselves up, brush themselves off, and then keep going. Trying to shelter them from the world is not the answer. Remember what was said: anytime you sign away your parental rights you open the door to child abuse and neglect. There is so much truth to that.



I hope parents stop and think about what they are doing when they make the decision to send their child away. Read the stories. These kids are opening up their hearts and sharing their stories so that others do not have to go through what they have experienced. Please, listen to them. They have suffered and they need our support now.



Kerry, Melissa, and all the rest of the kids who post their stories here, there are plenty of us here who support you.  ::drummer::  "

[Anonymous]

On 2005-04-01 05:02:00, Perrigaud wrote:

"I personally didn't care that I was away from my parents. I didn't care that I couldn't talk to them. Didn't care to be with my friends cause they really weren't friends. I had a hot shower. I needed time to figure out things and it took a year and some months. I was relieved. I didn't appreciate much. Now thanks to the facility I was in I appreciate so much more. Huh, imagine that. My friends would agree that they too didn't want to talk to their friends or families at that time. Therapy? Please I b/s my way out of therapy and laughed at them in their faces. Outpatient Facility? Not for long I was running away. Drugs (prozak)? Yeah they did nothing for them. Normal Teenager? Not me, I was an extremist. I didn't get abused. I know there are cases (that are true) of abuse. I feel for them. I know that not every child deserves to be sent away. Most are just doing the regular teenage rebellion. Not me and others. We were losing ourselves and didn't care at all. "

I notice you didn't mention juvie.  Did you spend time in juvenile detention?  If so, what were the differences?

Timoclea

[Anonymous]

Perri - is this the type of school you attended?  Also, please, let me know how you were feeling before attending the residential center and how you felt after attending the center?  Do you feel that you were helped tremedously?  What might have been the outcome if you did not attend the center?  Thanks so much for your help. By the way, I am a loving and caring parent, looking for some answers and advice from children and parents with the willingness to share their knowledge.

[Anonymous]

I too am a graduate of perris program and feel it was beneficial to me. I never saw or heard of any abuse at CCM. I understand alot of these programs have had cases of abuse, but I can say I personally never expereinced it at my facility and never heard anyone say they had either, even the girls who were not happy about being there and didnt like it. After getting on this forum, I have spoken to past friends from the program and have asked them if they felt it was abusive or a bad thing. Even my friends who didnt like the program very much and didnt graduate said it was not abusive. Feel free to ask me any questions too.
Amanda

[Antigen]

Ok, Amanda, how do you define abuse? Would you consider it abusive, for example, to completely sever all communications w/ the outside world and pressure a kid to divulge and discuss very personal information in a group setting w/ other 'troubled' kids?

Preacher man don't tell me heaven is under the earth; you don't know what life is worth;.......If you know what life is worth, you will look for your's on earth.

--Bob Marley

[Anonymous]

The Websters Desk Dictionary defines abuse as this:
1) To use wrongly or improperly; misuse

2) To treat in a harmful way

3) to insult; revile

4) wrong, improper, or harmful use, misuse

5) harshly or coarsly insulting language

6) bad treatment, maltreatment

Would I define any of my expereinces at the program in that way? No. And what you said was not accurate. The person is not "severed from communication from the outside world" in the program. I could write as many letters to the people I wanted to. That is, if Im correct, a form of communication. And I did go into the "outside world" on more than several occasions. Actually the longer I was there the more I went into public. For instance, we went to a public gym to work out. I went and did community service at a convelecent home and at an elementary school close to the facility. I went to a dentist on the outside, I went gardening with a couple of girls up the street from my facility, I went to a ceramics class put on by a staff member in her studio once a week. I was not totally cut off.

I never divulged anything I wasnt comfortable sharing with my group. I shared with my therapist about it, but I was not forced to talk about anything super sensitive with my whole group. I did because I wanted to, but otherwise, no. In seminars I said some uncomfortable things to the group, but I was ok with that because we had all girl seminars and my facilitator was a woman, so not a big deal to me. Plus the girls I was in a group with I was very good friends with and felt like I was sharing wiht a close friend instead of a troubled teen as you put it. So no I dont consider my experience there abusive.
Amanda

[Anonymous]

I wanted to write a quick response to the anonnymous concerned parent who wrote perri-

In terms of the abuse that goes on at other facilities, our facility was not like that. As Iv'e said in other posts, I feel it was a good thing for me and was a great tool for my life, and I know perri agrees. I was extremely unhappy before the program. I had a multitude of problems that woudl take too long to mention them all. A few were drug and alcohol abuse, depression, suicidal tendancies, self mutilation, bulimia, dropping out of school, ect. I was extremely unhappy and felt basically like crap all the time. My parents tried all kinds of stuff to help me to no avail. I was sent to the program when i was 16. It was strange because i remember praying to god or whatever was ot there to just help me. And then shortly after I went to Cross Creek Manor. I am not a religious person, although I do think that life is more than a big mistake, but i thought in a strange way my prayer was being answered. I knew I needed to get away from my friends, who were basically just dragging me into a deeper hole, and I needed to be somewhere where I couldnt hurt myself anymore. I was scared about going to a new place, and was sad to be away from my family, but I knew I needed help. When I graduated 14 months later I can tell you I am a differetn person than when I went in. I look at my past now and I dont regret it, but I cant believe I was ever that way. I still have hard times now and again, but thats life and I feel I am well equiped to deal wit whatever comes my way. I have worked hard outside the program too on myself and it is challenging for me sometimes to handle life without crutches. But even when i slip (hey Im human) I still can deal with it and I dont stay stuck in depression and all that. I havent had a suicidal thought in 4 years and havnt self mutilated in 4 years. I still struggle with smoking cigarettes and bulimia, but i am getting help for both. I actually want to get better now instead of giving up on myself like I used to. I can say I am much happier now than I was then. I dont think the program is soly responsible for my happiness, but it certainly assisted.

Who knows where Id be now, who id be now, ect. I might have actually killed myself. I had alcohol poising several times and had a few close calls so that might have done me in. Mostly I probably would just be depressed and unhappy. Because of my eating disorder I lost 60 pounds in a couple of months and was dangerously sickly because of it. That might have been a threat to my life as well. But I can say I am greatful for not knowing what could have happened and am happy wiht who i am now.

I hope it wasnt too presumptuous to answer a post to Ashley, I just hope my post can be helpful as well. If you have anymore questions, please dont hesitate to ask.
Amanda

[Antigen]

With whom were you allowed to correspond? Who made the decision? How long before you earned the 'priviledge' of normal, unmonitored phone access?

Most people take these things for granted and would feel ill-treated if someone withheld them. In fact, outside of the troubled parent industry, it actually takes a hearing by a judge and/or a minimum number of psyche professionals to withhold that level of normal communication. Even in prisons and jails, they can charge a lot for it and play games w/ actual access, but even a convicted murderer, con man or thief has the right to communicate with anyone, including the media and any government agency he pleases.

Sounds like they did about the same thing wrt processing out as they did in Straight. Except one thing. When we made 3rd phase, we had to put in for permission to attend work or school. I can't remember whether we got stood up at homes rap or not when we put in for school or work, I think so. We'd have to explain why we were ready and/or deserved to go to work or school. Then various group members would get a shot at commenting on the topic, ask questions, demand answers, totally blow you away and call you full of shit... whatever. Then we waited.....

The basic decision in each case would be announced to the whole group. If it was an open meeting night, then it would be announced again to the parent and group during that meeting (which, btw, worked very like a mini seminar... twice a week... every week...)

But I don't remember a school aged kid ever being denied permission to go back to school. Only 18yos got to go to work instead. And they were lucky. In school, there were always other Straightlings around. Any one could turn you in for even the suggestion of not stridently sticking by the rules and doing it w/ entheusiastic posativity!  :smile:

Did you have to go to school w/ other WWASPies? Did the other kids keep their distance? What was it like for you working in the real world while living the Program culture?

who needs regular piss tests more than a former blowski who has his finger on the button?
--Chuck Beyer

[Anonymous]

I could write my family and friends who were not doing drugs with me. (Which since i really hated my freinds, dont ask me why I hung out with them, it was an odd thing I know, I really wasnt that sad about not talking to them. actually I think I was better off) I had relatives that would be considered "non working" that I wrote to anyway and my parents and therapist said it was ok. My sister for instance was involved alot with my drug use and drinking and stuff. But I still wrote her and called her. I talked to my therapist and me and my parents decided who I writed to. I considered it to be fair. I was on phase 4 before I got unmonitered phone calls. I also got to email my parents.

The reality is the kids that go there are minors. thecnically, all their parents have to do is feed them, clothe them, and give them a sanitary home. Minors dont really have alot of rights by law. It is the parents who take the fall for a minors actions. If their child gets in trouble, they get in trouble. I think as an adult it is differetn when it comes to rights. Even though they have the right to call people in jail, they cant call whenever they want. If you are in lockdown, you can call. You have to call when they tell you to. When my husband was in jail for this ridiculous drug charge, he wrote as the main communication, because you had to call collect and he could only call at certain times.

what is "stood up at home raps"? We just had the opportunity to sign up for community service and all that and anyone could go, as long as you were an upper phase. I remember I was on 6 and went to Vegas on a phase 6 trip. It was rad and I had an awsome time. So they werent that strict about that stuff. If you were on the college program, you went to community college and got to do alot of stuff outside CCM. Ask Perri, she was a college girl.

We didnt have open meeting night. We had room night in the upper phase facility where you just stayed in your room for an hour and talked. It was alot of fun actually. I miss that.

No one had a job I dont think. the college program was the only school outside of school at CCM. The school there worked great for me. I had dropped out before going, so I had to make up a semester and do 11th and 12th grade. I made all that up wiht As and Bs and graduated High School 3 days before graduating the program. I liked the self paced thing and people just kept to themselves in school. No one really talked and we just worked on our stuff, which was good for me.

I went to class wiht my group. As I said it wasnt bad. Did you guys go to public school while in the program? I think that is what you are saying. We went on the facility grounds so no one other than the kids in my group went to school wiht me. I didnt work or go to school outside the program while in the program so i cant really answer that last one.

I have read up on your Straight Inc place. I cant believe that. I really feel like I can understand the program hostility you have now a little better. Trust me, if it had been the same where i was, I woudl feel the same way! But I can say it was close, but not that close. I really hate that they treated you like that. They are supposed to be giving help and trying to help the kids, not destroy them. I really feel that for the most part, anyone i met at the program (staff, facilitators, therapists, ect) really wanted to help me and cared about what they were doing. I really feel bad for how they treated you. I am not a WWASP fan really, I just think the program I went to had a better idea of what they were doing and were actually trying to help. I really hate that the people who support the program I went to have willingly supported those programs as well. But I can say CCM has the right idea anyway. But trust me. I am in no way supportive of WWASP for being a G.W. contributor and for opening and supporting abusive programs.
Amanda

"In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments, only consequences."
-Ingersol

"

[Anonymous]

Antigen,
How long ago were you in the program you were in if you dont mind me asking? Im assuming that program has been shut down. I cant remember. Im just curious.
Amanda

"There are alot of psychopaths in prison, unfortunatly most are on the staff."
- Craig Charles