How would anyone help a nice but clueless mother?

[White Cracker Man]

I was lurking at Struggling Teens and was reading a post from a mother who was seeking help for her son, who as far as I know , has only a pot problem.At ST, EVERY POST seeking help always gets SEND HIM OFF, GET THE ESCORTS ROLLING, AND THE LIKE in replies. I could not resist private messaging her to try to make an arguement for the other side. She posted saying she felt guilty about the possibiity of having him escorted, that he was really a sweet teenager, even showing affection towards her in public. She said he gets rages when she confronts him about his use of pot. I told her in the PM  That I strongly urge her TO NOT USE ESCORTS. I also told her that I had doubts whether or not that a TBS would even be proper for a child that might have ADD or the like. I forgot to say earlier that he might have ADD or the like. She does not know for sure because she says docs can not give a proper diagnosis because the pot prevents the docs from knowing.In her reply to my PM, she said she wants to help him have a better future, and if it comes to escorts, it will have to come to escorts. She also said in her post that her husband is against escorts, saying it is cruel and unusual punishment. At least some good news there. I think this woman is very nice but also even more clueless. And her seeking help from ST is certainly not going to help her in any way. [ This Message was edited by: mikey on 2005-03-26 15:08 ][ This Message was edited by: mikey on 2005-03-26 20:57 ]

[Anonymous]

There are so many less drastic measures than escorts and teen torture facilities.  You should suggest that the entire family gets counseling. See why he's using pot.  Is he self medicating because he's depressed - does he have a bad peer group?  These issues must be addressed first. There are also good out-patient drug rehab and counseling programs.  Narc Annon is good and AA is one of the best programs out there - these two are FREE.   I've often told parents to bring their kids to these programs every day for a month if they start to use drugs or alcohol.  I know that AA helped my kid - and he's been clean and sober for over a year. The teen program just tortured him and abused him.

[Antigen]

Then there's always the heretical truth.

The fact that a kid is smoking pot doesn't necessarily mean that they need any kind of treatment or intervention. It only means that he's like roughly half of all highschool kids since we started keeping track in the `70's.

He's a sweet kid who doesn't hate his mom and only gets upset when she starts talking about how he's disordered and needs to be fixed? That sounds like he's got some dignity. If his mother sees that as a problem, he's in trouble. Hopefully she doesn't. Cause there sure are plenty of scheister ready and willing to help her 'solve' the problem of dignity in her teenaged son.

Even if he is self medicating, if it's working well, he may actually save himself long-term damage to major organs by putting down the amphetamines that the shrinks usually rx for ADHD.

I'd tell the mother to believe her own lyin eyes over the hysterical claims of the troubled parent industry about the need to treet MJ asif it were heroin or something.

If the natural tendencies of mankind are so bad that it is not safe to permit  people to be free, how is it that the tendencies of these organizers are always good?  Do not the legislators and their appointed agents also belong to the human race?

--Frederic Bastiat -- 1801-1850

[White Cracker Man]

she also says he was failing school and as a result has been placed in Special Ed classes. She says he does not mind the Special Ed classes but is very bored. He basically spends his school day doing crossword puzzles, etc. I am hoping that her husband and/or her guilt that she wrote in a post stop her from getting her son escorted to some gulag. Well, I hope he does not go period. Escorts or no escorts. She has hired an educational consultant to evaluate the best way to SAVE HIM. Man, I tell you it is such a cult like atmosphere at ST.   [ This Message was edited by: mikey on 2005-03-26 21:01 ]

[Deborah]

Oh brother, as if Ed Cons know any other 'way to save him'.

[White Cracker Man]

Oh, I should add that she said she has tried all avenues of local help but none has worked.Perhaps because there is nothing to help? About 65 percent of my neighborhood smokes pot.Also, I have heard of many people who have smoked and there are fine today. They are married, work good paying jobs,etc.

[Antigen]

On 2005-03-26 18:15:00, mikey wrote:

Man, I tell you it is such a cult like atmosphere at ST.

I know. I can't even read over there. I get sick to my stomach. The only advice I can think of for someone in this spot would be yanked in a heartbeat from their forum. And that is that, as horriffying as the prospect of a kid not doing well in highschool might be, it's really not as bad as it could be. In fact, if this mom wants a demonstration, tell her to look around here. Not for advice, but for a preview of what she can expect for her son if she puts him in a program. Most of us are products of a program to some degree, after all.

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trust either of them
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0679737898/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'> P.J. O'Rourke

[White Cracker Man]

She cried when reviewing an escort site. I guess that is another reason to hold out hope. But her seeking help at ST has   got me afraid that she might be convinced to incarcerate him.

[White Cracker Man]

How would Woodbury and the gang react to a post saying that another site to look over is Fornits? Of course I could simply PM her wih that message.

[Deborah]

Mikey,
I would try to find out which program she is considering, search here and elsewhere for threads on that program, and PM her the links.
That's about all you can do. Take the leg work out of the equation for her. Make it easy.

The image I'm getting is a parent who doesn't like the notion of dealing with her child, but doesn't necessarily like the program option either. Give her something that might provide focus for her confused and wandering mind. I think parents deserve to know exactly what methods their child will be exposed to, and there are some pretty detailed accounts here... depends on the program though.

[Antigen]

Well, the down side to that is that, of all the programs out there (possibly thousands) we only know about a few dozen. So finding one not discussed on Fornits is about as worthwhile as finding one that's not WWASP; iow, practically useless advice.

What worries me is, I think, the same thing that's bothering you, Mikey. That she's listening to these people. And they'll feed her fears and blow them out of all sense and proportion.

The fact is that none of us know this woman or her son and none (well, few) of us are even close to qualified to hand out advice about what she should do, even if we knew them well. The difference is that, over there they, they don't know that. They honestly believe they are so qualified. Over here most of us do know it.

But the truth is just so mundane. A mother who's gone from a little concerned over her son's accademic future to considering hiring a team of kidnappers is not likely to be too receptive to the idea that she's really a bit too tweaked and needs to calm down. Especially when she's just found a bunch of new friends who have informed her that she's a martyr and everyone ought to really feel very sorry for her, having the burdon of a son in special ed and all.  :roll:

I don't know what to do about that except to compete. You can't shatter their illusions over there by speaking truth. They'll just delete your posts and ban you.

If it's any consolation, I recently found out that our readership is roughly 8 times that of PURE and Woodburry Reports together.

On the dogmas of religion, as distinguished from moral principles, all mankind, from the beginning of the world to this day, have been quarreling, fighting, burning and torturing one another for abstractions unintelligible to themselves and to all others, and absolutely beyond the comprehension of the human mind.
--Thomas Jefferson, U.S. President, author, scientist, architect, educator, and diplomat

_________________
Ginger Warbis ~ Antigen
Seed sibling `71 - `80
Straight South (Sarasota, FL)
   10/80 - 10/82
Anonymity Anonymous
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

[White Cracker Man]

Thanks for the solid advice Deborah. I will PM her to ask if she is leaning to one program or another. I know she has hired an EC.[ This Message was edited by: mikey on 2005-03-26 19:38 ]

[Deborah]

Sure. That's what I would and have done in the past. Some parents were appreciative and others never responded. If they are irrational, and set on a program, not much one can do but provide information and hope for the best.
If there is nothing specific to the program she's considering, she could also come here and inquire.

[White Cracker Man]

My mind was scrambling and I did not even think about Ginger's very good point.Hopefully, the program/programs, she is considering if any, are known to us here. Yeah, it is so frustrating. I do not wanna risk getting banned because it would cut off ALL COMMUNICATION. She did not post an email addy, so I can not contact her outside of ST. I also was very careful in choosing my words in the PM. I do not want her to disregard my opinion. Being That I am probably the only nay voice, I am concerned she might say to the vultures hey, I got a different point of view and have them tell her to not even read my PM's.I also am thinking that being that I am only 24, They might think I am not far enough removed from being a kid to understand her point of view.She might think that already without them telling her that point of view. [ This Message was edited by: mikey on 2005-03-26 19:59 ][ This Message was edited by: mikey on 2005-03-26 20:02 ]

[White Cracker Man]

I just went through some of her back posts and saw that her preference is a Christian Boarding school. VERY SCARY! she said not it does not have to be but that is her preference. I am getting a picture of a kind and gentle holy roller. But a holy roller is a holy roller.