My son smokes pot and drinks while reading Fornits

[Anonymous]

He also idolizes that drug addict, RTP2003.  I showed him these forums to let him know the kind of things he could expect at the program I was going to send him to, and this just made his behavior worse.  He also says he wants to go to one now, that way he can meet a druggie girl and do methadone "just like Scarstruck".  He thinks that it would be great to be a rebellious dropout from a program like WWASP or KIDS, that it would somehow add to his "credibility" as a punk rocker, like his other idol, Reagan Youth.   I try to warn him that these programs are not some kind of summer camp, and he points out that Froderick13 seems to have enjoyed Straight, and "he's cool now".  I am at my wit's end!  How do I punish my rebellious teen son WITHOUT sending him to one of these programs?  It seems like something he would enjoy---maybe not at the time, but it would give him something to brrag about to his friends when he got out.

[Froderik]

This may sound like a canned response, but it's the best I can do right now...It's a phase, and he'll eventually get over it...well, we can only hope! He doesn't want to go into one of these places, that's for damned sure. The more you react to this though, the more he may be tempted to 'play it out.' Just my  two cents.

Also, I'm curious to know how he arrived at the conclusion that I seemed to have enjoyed straight...? Wtf? :lol:

[tlcrescue]

Sounds to me like your son is playing you.  He apparently knows that you will not send him.  One thing you have to be careful about is making empty threats.  Don't "threaten" to send him if you are not going to follow through with it.  My guess is that e obviously has been the target of empty threats before and knows you won't send him, or, that he is using reverse psychology on you and sayig he wouold enjoy it in hopes you WONT send him because it is what he wants.

The main thing is that the children need to learn "consequences" for their actions.  You know your child better than anyone here on these boards.  Therefore, only you know what consequences will and won't work.  You might try talking to a counselor on your own.  Sometimes they can be helpful in trying to put consequences in place to help deter the problems you are currently facing.

Basically, the school will strip your son of all privileges (and then some).  IU do not advocate the schools because my son was abused in one.  This can be accomplished at home.  He needs to be stripped of his privileges and EARN them back.  Again, this goes back to consequences.

Good luck!

[GregFL]

Oh stop, your killing me.


 :lol:

[Program Rebellion]

What happens when you rebel at WWASP and fail to participate in the program and seminars?

Let's imagine you send him to Spring Creek..

You will be told your son is in 'Special Needs', which is basically a shack with linoleum flooring and a piece of carpet to sleep on. Basically, it's solitary confinement, with a dumb guard hired from the local population of hicks, just waiting until he has an excuse to beat the crap out of your son. I think they call this a 'controlled takedown' or something. 2 meals a day. Breakfast is a banana and dry bagel, dinner being liver beans and a tortilla. They will tell your son, under Montana law they are required to only give 2 meals a day and only 1 shower every 3 days. It's lucky to get that from the sadist staff. Anyone who has even briefly studied psychology knows what happens when unqualified people are put in control of other human beings. They will keep him in isolation and this humiliating environment indefinitely until he submits to the program. And the kicker- they charge you extra to keep him locked up in his 'hobbit' cage.

Now, if he still thinks spending weeks on end in isolation, smelling like piss, forced to eat food with your piss stained hands because no utensils are allowed is cool, by all means, send him to a program.

If you really want to scare him, explain what it is like to spend everyday for months or years with solely male contact. No girls. Not very sexy is it?

These programs are based on submission, if one doesn't submit, you are in for an experience to say the least. I hope your son realizes what he is in for, it's not pretty. My 2 cents... speaking from personal experience. [ This Message was edited by: WisdomFamily on 2005-02-17 07:58 ]

[Scarstruck]

On 2005-02-17 07:21:00, tlcrescue wrote:

"Sounds to me like your son is playing you.  He apparently knows that you will not send him.  One thing you have to be careful about is making empty threats.  Don't "threaten" to send him if you are not going to follow through with it.  My guess is that e obviously has been the target of empty threats before and knows you won't send him, or, that he is using reverse psychology on you and sayig he wouold enjoy it in hopes you WONT send him because it is what he wants.



The main thing is that the children need to learn "consequences" for their actions.  You know your child better than anyone here on these boards.  Therefore, only you know what consequences will and won't work.  You might try talking to a counselor on your own.  Sometimes they can be helpful in trying to put consequences in place to help deter the problems you are currently facing.



Basically, the school will strip your son of all privileges (and then some).  IU do not advocate the schools because my son was abused in one.  This can be accomplished at home.  He needs to be stripped of his privileges and EARN them back.  Again, this goes back to consequences.



Good luck!"

 :lol:  Wow...you really are clueless arent you?

[Nihilanthic]

On 2005-02-17 07:21:00, tlcrescue wrote:

"Sounds to me like your son is playing you.  He apparently knows that you will not send him.  One thing you have to be careful about is making empty threats.  Don't "threaten" to send him if you are not going to follow through with it.  My guess is that e obviously has been the target of empty threats before and knows you won't send him, or, that he is using reverse psychology on you and sayig he wouold enjoy it in hopes you WONT send him because it is what he wants.



The main thing is that the children need to learn "consequences" for their actions.  You know your child better than anyone here on these boards.  Therefore, only you know what consequences will and won't work.  You might try talking to a counselor on your own.  Sometimes they can be helpful in trying to put consequences in place to help deter the problems you are currently facing.



Basically, the school will strip your son of all privileges (and then some).  IU do not advocate the schools because my son was abused in one.  This can be accomplished at home.  He needs to be stripped of his privileges and EARN them back.  Again, this goes back to consequences.



Good luck!"

Ok, TLCrescue, this post here is by a troll just trying to annoy us basically.

Also, not trying to step on your toes too much but the psycholgoical impact of totally taking away all "priviladges" and "EARN them back" could easily backfire. How the kid perceives it is a big part of how parenting works or does not work for them. If its taken as you just out to hurt him or the pain from it makes it difficult to learn what youre trying to teach, its gonna blow up in your face.

He was already in TLC for christs sake.

History gives us a kind of chart, and we dare not surrender even a small rushlight in the darkness. The hasty reformer who does not remember the past will find himself condemned to repeat it.
--John Buchan

[Antigen]

On 2005-02-18 11:27:00, Nihilanthic wrote:


Ok, TLCrescue, this post here is by a troll just trying to annoy us basically.



Also, not trying to step on your toes too much but the psycholgoical impact of totally taking away all "priviladges" and "EARN them back" could easily backfire.

Well, I think this troll might be trying to be entertaining. And you have to admit, some of it really is.

But I agree w/ your assessment of withholding 'priviledges'. I find that all my kids, even the 8yo, learn a whole lot better if the restrictions we place on them make sense and can be explained. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to explain, a kid still won't understand or accept it gracefully. So sometimes "Cause I'm the mommy, that's why!" has got to be the final word. But most of the time it's the other way.

As adults, we should know that the kids will test our theories. If every time they jump over the fence they find no cliff, we lose all credibility and may find ourselves in REAL trouble sometimes. So try not to let that happen.

Redemption: Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sins through the murder of their deity against whom they sinned.
--Ambrose Bierce

[Anonymous]

Well, I think this troll might be trying to be entertaining.

I agree. Flat cracked me up.

[Anonymous]

this guy rminds me of cadet joshua blaines from TLC  :lol:

daazn50cent@yahoo.com

[tlcrescue]

On 2005-02-18 11:04:00, Scarstruck wrote:

"

On 2005-02-17 07:21:00, tlcrescue wrote:


"Sounds to me like your son is playing you.  He apparently knows that you will not send him.  One thing you have to be careful about is making empty threats.  Don't "threaten" to send him if you are not going to follow through with it.  My guess is that e obviously has been the target of empty threats before and knows you won't send him, or, that he is using reverse psychology on you and sayig he wouold enjoy it in hopes you WONT send him because it is what he wants.





The main thing is that the children need to learn "consequences" for their actions.  You know your child better than anyone here on these boards.  Therefore, only you know what consequences will and won't work.  You might try talking to a counselor on your own.  Sometimes they can be helpful in trying to put consequences in place to help deter the problems you are currently facing.





Basically, the school will strip your son of all privileges (and then some).  IU do not advocate the schools because my son was abused in one.  This can be accomplished at home.  He needs to be stripped of his privileges and EARN them back.  Again, this goes back to consequences.





Good luck!"

 :lol:  Wow...you really are clueless arent you?
"

and what am I so clueless about?

[tlcrescue]

On 2005-02-18 11:27:00, Nihilanthic wrote:

"

On 2005-02-17 07:21:00, tlcrescue wrote:


"Sounds to me like your son is playing you.  He apparently knows that you will not send him.  One thing you have to be careful about is making empty threats.  Don't "threaten" to send him if you are not going to follow through with it.  My guess is that e obviously has been the target of empty threats before and knows you won't send him, or, that he is using reverse psychology on you and sayig he wouold enjoy it in hopes you WONT send him because it is what he wants.





The main thing is that the children need to learn "consequences" for their actions.  You know your child better than anyone here on these boards.  Therefore, only you know what consequences will and won't work.  You might try talking to a counselor on your own.  Sometimes they can be helpful in trying to put consequences in place to help deter the problems you are currently facing.





Basically, the school will strip your son of all privileges (and then some).  IU do not advocate the schools because my son was abused in one.  This can be accomplished at home.  He needs to be stripped of his privileges and EARN them back.  Again, this goes back to consequences.





Good luck!"

Ok, TLCrescue, this post here is by a troll just trying to annoy us basically.



Also, not trying to step on your toes too much but the psycholgoical impact of totally taking away all "priviladges" and "EARN them back" could easily backfire. How the kid perceives it is a big part of how parenting works or does not work for them. If its taken as you just out to hurt him or the pain from it makes it difficult to learn what youre trying to teach, its gonna blow up in your face.



He was already in TLC for christs sake.

History gives us a kind of chart, and we dare not surrender even a small rushlight in the darkness. The hasty reformer who does not remember the past will find himself condemned to repeat it.
--John Buchan

"

so what consequences would you suggest?

[Nihilanthic]

First off I'd wonder if consequences are worth doing anymore as they dont seem to have worked in the past to begin with. If you do the same thing and expect a different result youre running in place. You expend effort but nothing is accomplished.

Find a real therapist and get advice from him. Or ask Antigen (AKA Ginger, shes RFornit on AIM) about some advice. She's dealt with her own teenagers and their problems and could make some advice.

Just this mentality of taking away "priviladges" and making them "earn them back" doesnt always fly well with people who arent submissive children anymore. The urge to have self control and self determination and not feel held down and controlled needs to be managed. Even if your right if they feel youre not trying to teach them but break them its gonna be a battle of wills, and thats NOT what parenting is about.

Its about that person being your child and you trying to help them not try to get in a fight, a sparring match, a test of wills to find a winner and loser. Cooperate and just ask him why he does what he does and why wont he stop. If a PROGRAMS twisted 'consequences' wont work YOURS will not either.

If we had been born in Constantinople, then most of us would have said: "There is no God but Allah, and Mohammed is his prophet." If our parents had lived on the banks of the Ganges, we would have been worshipers of Siva, longing for the heaven of Nirvana.
--

[tlcrescue]

well i believe there is a difference between a parents "consequnces" and a program's "twisted consequences".  BIG BIG DIFFERENCE!

Consequences didn't work in the past in our house because of different of opinions between parents. I thought my husband was being to harsh, he thought I was being to soft, when we were both reacting against the other (i was admittedly to soft to try and compensate for my harsh husband, and vice versa).  So to say consequences did not work in our household is a misstatement.  However, now that we can both be on the same page, and use consequences effectively, they seem to be working very well.

[Nihilanthic]

Well, if it works, and he's not falling into more helplesness or anger from it (which is a sign its not working) then keep doing it.

Whatever works, works. BTW, before some twisted programmie comes in and says thats why programs are good, it DOESNT work if you abuse them in the procses.

 

so long as the universe had a beginning, we could suppose it had a creator. But if the universe is completely self-contained, having no boundary or edge, it would neither be created nor destroyed it would simply be. What place, then, for a creator?
--stephen Hawking, English scientist